I was having a awful time dealing with my
loss of my twin ,when my boss asked if I would like to talk to someone. I did
indeed need someone to talk too. One of the chaplains that I work with had also
recently experienced a loss in his own family. He was a very religious man, that
I figured I could trust. I meet with
him and asked him questions about the after life. At this time the autopsy
report was not back yet, and there were a lot of questions concerning her death. My
twin was trying to manage a genetic disease that was ravaging her life. The
medical examiner thought it might have been an intentional overdose. I was devastated. I
knew she would never give up, but also felt the quality of her life had worsened
extremely in the last two years that maybe she just couldn't take it anymore. We
were very close and I couldn't imagine her taking her own life. There was no
note and she had just been to the doctor that morning. Her doctor told me that
it was the best she had ever seen Diane and that in no way ,was there any
indication she would take her own life. I was raised Lutheran and was raised to
believe that if you took your own life you were breaking a contract with God. You
were for sure going to go to hell. When my twin died apart of me went with her. I
couldn't imagine her being in a place like hell, she was a good person. I wanted
some assurance that she was alright and that some day I would see her again. You
have to kind of understand the relationships twins have to really understand How
devastating this was for me. I asked the Chaplin if he believed it was true, that
you would go to hell if you took your own life. He did not believe this, and
related a dream he had had just prior to his sisters death. He did not
understand the meaning of the dream until after she had passed. That evening I
was reading in bed when I put the book down for a minute and closed my eyes. I
was not drowsy. A round shaped "hole" drifted into my sight from the
right hand side. I was totally taken with this as it was so real. Coming thought
this hole were rays of golden light. As I was looking at this "hole"
suddenly Diane appeared right in front of me. The best way I can describe her
was she looked like a three dimensional charcoal drawing come to life, but it
was definitely her. She just keep looking at me. She didn't say anything. As
this was occurring I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I knew it was
her ,but also wanted to prove to myself I was not imaging this I tried to erase
this out of my mind but I could not make it go away. It was like a part of my
mind but separate. Diane, my twin just keep looking at me, batting her eyes. She
slowly, while facing me backed up and went through this hole, The whole thing at
this time vanished. I do believe she came back to let me know she had not gone
to hell and that she was alright. If this had not happened
to me I am not sure I would of believed anyone that told me this story. This
Did you sense an awareness or presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them ? Yes
Describe: A certain song that I had not heard in years played every night on the radio for two weeks. Since then I have thought of that song only to have it come on the radio immediately. One night I said Diane if you are there play a different song with words of inspiration for me. The song I Hope You Dance, came on and the lyrics did indeed make sense to me. In fact every line correlated to me. I found out later this song had been out for a while but I had never heard it before. I also had a dream (I hardly ever remember my dreams) in this dream she told me I had to let other people into my life now.
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? Yes
Describe: The music.
Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally, or outside of you, inside of you, or did you not hear a voice or sound but had a knowing of what was communicated? The lyrics of the song," I Hope You Dance", made sense to me. Also the fact the radio this all occurred from was a gift from my husband. I had wanted a relaxation tape but had told no one. The radio was setting on my night stand when I returned home from taking care of some of the arrangement for my sister on this radio were relaxation sounds of the Ocean Forest sounds, etc.
If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar to the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive? The
How clearly did you hear the deceased? She never had to speak to communicate to me.
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No
Did you see the deceased? Yes
Describe the appearance of the deceased: Diane looked like a three dimensional drawing come to life. It was very recognizable. The only color she had was black and white.
How clearly did the deceased appear? even though she appeared in black and white only it was very recognizable. It very much appeared to be dimensional.
How much of the deceased did you see? At first just her face right in front of mine, but as she backed up and went through the "hole I saw all of her. She did get smaller in size as she backed up and went through the hole. The "hole" did have Color, golden rays of light coming through it.
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? She was at the same age.
How healthy did the deceased appear to be? She appeared healthy.
Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in your surroundings at the time of your experience? no
Did you smell a distinct smell, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No
How long did the experience last? about a minute
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? gradually as she backed up and went through the "hole" but suddenly once I saw her go up and through it. The whole thing vanished once she went through.
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? concern is what I sensed. We had always said We would have a very difficult time living with the other one.
Describe: concern is what I sensed. We had always said We would have a very difficult time living with the other one.
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? only that she did not go to hell and that she did indeed still exist
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: I wasn't afraid but my heart rate was definitely a lot faster. I knew I was experiencing something not that common. I felt peace knowing that I witnessed this miracle. I felt like there was meaning to my life and that I was special to have this happen. I also feel so strongly about this that I want other people to know of my experience even if they think I am nuts.
What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have:
I have no fear of dying now. That you do exist after death. That your loved ones know what's going on in your life. That they will help you if necessary.
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes
Describe: Even though I know losing her has changed my life for ever I don't think I would of done very well, If she had not come back. I know the love is still there. I know the physical connection was lost but there is something else. People still love and know who you are after death.
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Did you see a light? Yes
Rays of golden light coming through the hole.
(like when the sun shines through the clouds.) There was a sense there was
something in the way or up through the hole I was not to see. That's why I use
the term rays. Remember this was very real in appearance. I cant even image or
dream things this real before.
Did you meet
or see any other beings other than the deceased?
Did you experience a review of past events in your life?
That I had To learn to open up to other
people let other people in my life . An
understanding that you really do exist after death.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time?
Describe: another existence beyond ours another place
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or
I know not everyone experiences this type
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes
see all the above.
Has the experience affected your relationships?
Daily life? Religious
practices etc.? Career choices?
Have you shared this experience with others?
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? Yes
Describe: I have had no response from any web site. BUT I will keep letting the world know of my experience.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes