Sarah's ADC

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Experience description: 

      A bit of background.  I had been living in London for 11 years.  My sister lived in Seattle. 

 She had only been married for 9 months -- and had a 6 month old daughter at the time of her death.

 The circumstances around her death are, to this day, somewhat unclear to me.  I understand that she may have had a heart attack, or perhaps a seizure, which caused her to aspirate.  She was found by her husband on the bathroom floor - her entire body was blue - she was brain dead.

 Apparently, they kept her alive for 3 days on a life support machine. At the time, I was on vacation in Italy.  I felt extremely energetic, full of life.  But I also had a somewhat odd "premonition like" feeling that something [bad] was going to happen.  I had felt this way just prior to leaving for Italy - as if maybe I was going to die there. 

 Anyway, I was not contactable in Italy, so nobody could tell me what had happened to her.

 To keep this brief: on the final day of my sister's life, but before they took her off the machine, I went to sleep (9 hours ahead of Seattle time) feeling rather uneasy.  Somewhat into my sleep, this is what occurred.

 I found myself in a bright, white place -- my twin sister was standing in front of me, but it was as if she were on the other side of a clear, moving, liquid-like (but not wet) wall.  She and I were touching hands through/or along this wall-like barrier.  The wall was warm and constantly moving, wave-like.  She was furious, screaming at me.  I couldn't understand what she was saying.  I only knew she was furious.  In a rage.  I clearly remember trying to stop her from doing something; I HAD to stop her.  I remember screaming at her, "Don't do it! don't do it!  You can't do it!  What about ____ (baby's name)?!? You're putting her in danger!  Don't do this, you can't do it!"

 She continued to rage, like I had never seen before. 

I felt panicky and forced to say something to stop her and blurted out, "Don't do it! - Can't you see _________ [your husband] is a pedophile?!?"

 With that, we were at the end of the "wall", her face just sort of crumpled and she disappeared.  I immediately sat upright in bed - wide awake, totally freaked out.

 I woke my friend and told her I'd just had a really bizarre dream; wondered what it meant - thinking that maybe my sister's new (and useless) husband was somehow coming between us.

 The dream stayed with me for the next few days and I felt totally drained, the energy had gone.

 Upon my return to London, I saw my answer machine flashing - many messages.  I knew then.  I don't know how, but I knew.  When I called me other sister in Seattle, she told me the news and my first thought was, "The dream. She came to me in the dream." 

Everything made sense later -- the time of her death was the time of my dream. 

I believe she came to me because we are twins.  Nobody else had this experience.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?  Yes
Describe:  She was screaming angrily.  I understood that she didn't want to do something (to leave).
How clearly did you hear the deceased?  Quite clearly.  She was directly in front of me.

Is there any possibility that what you heard was from any other source in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?  No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?  Yes

Where and how were you touched?  We were touching hands through a wall-like barrier - clear, water-like (but not wet).

Was the touch familiar?  Unfamiliar - warm.

Was anything communicated by the touch?  Sorrow. Anger.

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in your surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you see the deceased?  Yes

Describe the appearance of the deceased:  She appeared to me the way I had last seen her (3 months before)

How clearly did the deceased appear?  She was clear - she was standing in front of me.

How much of the deceased did you see?  I only recall seeing her torso, arms and head - I wasn't looking at her legs - only her face.  Our hands were touching.

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?  Yes, she was just as I had last seen her.

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?  She appeared healthy.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in your surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

How long did the experience last?  Seemed like quite a while - 5 minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?  Sudden.  She disappeared and I was sitting upright in bed.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?  Furious.
Describe:  Furious.

Your beliefs currently regarding your fear of death:  Slightly fearful

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:  Experience was definitely real

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I was in a panic. I was desperate to stop her and would have done or said anything to stop her. 
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?  Uncertain
Describe:  I felt worse knowing she wasn't ready to go.  I also felt that she believed that it was a mistake - that it should have been ME.  Somehow, I think this was related to our being twins.

 On the other hand, the place where she was was not a bad place. It seemed peaceful.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes
Describe:  I am now more acutely aware of how short life is and how important it is to do one's best - not in a material way, but spiritually - through acts of kindness, forgiveness and generosity.  It's also made me believe, know, that there is more to life than this existence.

Have you ever made a death compact?  No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?  Yes
      Describe:  First, when my mother died - I had that same feeling of being fully of energy (her life force, I believe) followed by an innate knowledge that she had passed.  Then, following my father's death - again, I was living abroad, but in the Former
Soviet Union - I had felt that energy all day long and that night woke up and saw him walking across my apartment. 
Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body? No        

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  Not "A" light - everything was light, bright.

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes, the fact that I told my friend about the dream as soon as it happened coupled with the actual time of my twin's death.   

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  The clear, moving wall.        

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I now feel that in addition to the existence of LAD, there is reincarnation.  I believe my sister has reincarnated.

 Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  It's made me more aware of my mortality.  And also how important being a twin is -- I have lost half of myself.  Nobody a twinless twin can relate, I'm sure.

 Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Some seem skeptical - sympathetic as if I'm desperate to find a way to some how be a part of my twin's death.

 Others want to know all about it.  I think they like the thought of there being some kind of LAD.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  No

What emotions/feelings did you experience following your experience?  Confusion, immediately following the dream. 

Confirmation of the hereafter, immediately following word of her death.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best part is that I got to see her and that I was in the same place with her - albeit only for a few moments.  I saw, I believe, the next life/plane of existence.  I think it's a transitional place.

 The worst is that I know that the uttering of my final words devastated her.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?  She came to me in my dreams for nearly a year after her death.  In the dreams (I say dream because they took place whilst I was asleep, but they were real), she was very angry.

 She said to me, "It's not like you think it is [there]. You still have to work."

By which, I interpreted as working in the sense of spirituality - not manually working or anything.  I believe she was made to account for her life - all of her choices - right and wrong.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?

      Describe:  I feel privileged that she, or God, brought me to that place to see her before she left (since I wasn't there in body).

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes
      Describe:  The above-mentioned dreams.

 What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  The fact that it occurred whilst I was dreaming, but it definitely WAS NOT a dream.

 Also, when I relate the experience to others, they seem to think I am somehow attempting to rationalize my not having been present when my sister died.