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Agn�s DL ADC

Experience description:  

My father had died some weeks earlier, after a long illness. I was sad, but not too sad, firstly because he had been ill for a long time and for him this death was a relief. Also because, without being a religious person, I still believed in life after death. Finally, because several disagreements and misunderstandings had put a distance between us, without really separating us, still the distance remained there, each of us agreeing to differ.

That night, I was asleep in my room when I heard, very clearly, his footsteps on the stairs. It was exactly the sound of his footsteps, the same rhythm, the same way of placing the feet a bit heavily on each step. He had been in the habit, before he got too ill, of dropping by regularly for coffee at my place.

At that moment, everything seemed very real to me, I was in my room, I heard my father's step on the stairs, I believed I was awake. I thought, "Well, this is a strange time of night to come round for coffee". Still dreaming, I got up, opened the door on to the landing and saw him as he climbed the stairs, just as he was in life. He seemed old, tired and sad. I was surprised, but not alarmed or astonished. I asked him, "Papa? What on earth are you doing here?" His reply was something I don't wish to repeat here.

I replied to him that I loved him, and in the blink of an eye he appeared younger and relieved, he seemed to light up as if he became luminous, then with a broad smile he  disappeared.  At that moment, I woke up, still lying in bed, with the very clear impression that he was there, very close to me.  I got up, went to look on the landing, but of course there was no one there.

I am convinced he came to see me, that he wanted to resolve a problem, something unspoken, an incomprehension between us which prevented him from properly passing over. And that my reply was exactly what he was hoping for, that after that he could leave, comforted.

He himself had an experience just a few days before he died.  He spent his last months at home with my mother and was confined to bed most days, only rarely getting up. That day, my mother found him upright, wandering in the passageway, looking a bit lost.  She asked him what was going on. He replied: "Marie-Paule is here, she wants me to come with her, she wants to show me something, I want to go and say hallo to her". Marie-Paule was his favorite cousin and childhood friend, who had died about a year previously. My mother thought he was delirious, but personally I wonder if he did in fact see his cousin, who was announcing his death, who had "come to get him".

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? Yes

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:

I heard his footsteps which I recognized perfectly. Even before I saw him I knew it was him coming up the stairs. He spoke to me. I don't really want to repeat his words, as it is something personal, but - in a state similar to that of a dream - I distinctly heard him speak, with his own voice.

Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?

He simply seemed to be speaking to me as in a normal conversation. He used precisely chosen words, which I remember exactly, with the intonation he gave them.

If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?

Just like his voice and his way of speaking when he was alive.

Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No. It was too precise.

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? I was asleep, as I woke up after the experience. But throughout the experience, it seemed to be real.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?

Uncertain, during the experience I was not touched. But later, without ever seeing my father, but still at night in my room, I once felt that a hand took mine and was gently squeezing it. Another time, the very clear impression of a very gentle kiss on my cheek. Both times, I was not asleep, but having insomnia. I felt happy and calm, but I don't really know if my father was involved.

Did you see the deceased?

Yes. He was just as I knew him before the last months of his illness: aged, tired, pallid yellowish skin, greying and thinning hair. He wore his usual brown raincoat and black shoes. Then after I told him him I loved him, he changed in the blink of an eye, instantaneously. He appeared younger, in his thirties, no wrinkles, fresh complexion, dark and abundant hair, with a wide smile, he seemed lit up from the inside. This lasted a brief moment then he disappeared.

How clearly did the deceased appear? At first, solid and real, finally luminous.

How much of the deceased did you see? I saw him entirely, just as he was in life.

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? At first yes, 72 years old some months before he died, while he could still move about and live normally. At the end, in the prime of life, an adult in his thirties.

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?

The last two months of his life he was very ill, final stage lymphoma. He stayed in bed and could only get up with great difficulty. In my experience, I saw him ill, but still mobile. He had no infirmity or permanent disability.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? Uncertain

What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?

I don't remember any odor, but I'm not sure, the impression of reality was very strong. I might have associated his personal odor (of tobacco and eau de cologne) with the fact that I saw him so clearly.

How long did the experience last? A few moments, less than a minute.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?

The beginning gradual. First I heard his footsteps, then I saw him climbing the stairs, then we spoke. The end was sudden, instantaneous: he disappeared in under a second.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes. At first sad, confused, tired out. At the end, comforted and happy.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?

Yes, I was able to recognize his true feelings about me. We were an extremely reserved family who did not express its feelings. In this experience, he did express them.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real

Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:

A strong impression of reality, no dream-like elements. The d�cor was that of my home, the sounds I heard were completely realistic, his footsteps, his voice, his way of speaking. The way my father looked, his clothes, were exactly as he had been a few months before his death.

Was the experience dream like in any way?

Uncertain. After the experience, I awoke in my bed, not on the landing. It must have been a dream, therefore, but I amd still convinced that this was a real dream, that I really saw my father that night. At the point in the experience where I thought I got upand went to look on the landing, I remember the clear impression of walking barefoot on the wooden floorboards. It was a true feeling.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:

Never any fear. At first, surprise, intrigued feeling, rather of the sort, "Well, what's he doing here?" I didn't realize he was dead, I was just surprised to see him turning up at my home in the middle of the night.

During our exchange: sadness for him, empathy, desire to help him, then affection and joy, openness towards him.

Straight after he disappeared, I wanted him to stay, to come back, I wanted to speak a bit more with him. Frustration.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?

Yes. Dispelling of misunderstandings left between us. A few words were enough. No more guilt, no more regrets.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?

The best: seeing my father comforted, young again and luminous. There was no worst, only my frustration when he disappeared when I wanted to go on speaking with him.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain Describe:

Uncertain. My lifestyle and beliefs have not changed at all, but I have been relieved of the conflicted relationship which I had with my father. Everything I felt towards him of rancor, guilt and regret, is now gone.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? No

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? No

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?

After the experience: at peace, happy for him as I knew that he was free from a lingering concern. Happy for us both, as we had resolved every problem between us at a stroke.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No

Did you become aware of future events? No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?

Uncertain. Ater the experience I awoke in my bed, but during the experience I had the physical sensation of walking barefoot on the floorboards, opening the door and feeling the door-handle in my hand. The decor around me was neither blurred nor strange: it was exactly the landing and staircase outside my room, with the window at one end and the ladder which goes to the attic. All the details were correct.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? No

Did you see a light? Yes. Right at the end, my father seemed lit up from inside, became luminous, and then disappeared straight away.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? No

Have you shared this experience with others? No

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?

Uncertain. I have never feared death, I have always believed in our survival. I have never had any direct (spiritual) communication before this one from my father. Though I have a lot of intuition and empathy, I can "feel" people, what is wrong with them, their emotions.

After this experience I have had another, but less significant, with my late partner (a conflicted relationship, not resolved at the time of his death). In my head, each time I thought about him, I asked him the same question, as if he could hear me. One day, I "received" my reply. Very clear, too.

Another experience, before my son was born. I had a real feeling of a presence near me, mischievous and affectionate. Before my scan, I knew it would be a boy. Before he was born, I knew the physical appearance he would have. I dreamt about this son several times before his birth, including a dream in which this baby reconciled different members of my family who no longer spoke to one another. This came true, precisely.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes