My husband at the time was a man who abused my children and myself and controlled everything we did. He had a habit of reading in bed with a very bright light so that it was impossible to go to sleep until he had turned the light off. The door was always closed so that my children wouldn't/couldn't come in during the night and the curtain was heavy velour so the room was pitch black. He just turned the light out and commenced snoring and I was pondering the wisdom of taking on such a high pressure job with regard to my children's welfare. Almost immediately my Father appeared at the side of my bed. He stood in the midst of "sunlight".....meaning a natural light.....not bright artificial light. He was 73 when he died of cancer and had looked extremely aged and ill for some time before. Now he looked incredibly well ..............looked about 40 with the freshness of someone just returned from a wonderful relaxing holiday (he even had a tan!) He was still bald (had been all my life) but the keratosis he had on his head when he died was gone. He was smiling the most joyful smile I have ever seen on anyone. His teeth were white and  healthy and the gold "caps" he'd unfortunately had placed about 8 years previous were gone. He had on a khaki shirt ( with two pockets) and trousers and I even noticed how beautifully laundered they were. Dad wore khaki a lot when he was alive.

I was not afraid.....nor dumb founded....just a feeling of happiness to see him again. I had grieved terribly for him in the first few years but now I had accepted his death although I missed him and often "talked" to him especially when things got tough on the home front. He never spoke or moved.........and with my eyes fixed firmly on him I reached across and shook my husband firmly to wake him as he did instantly.....and with that the light and Dad were gone.

When my husband asked what was up I told him that Dad was here and he said "you were obviously dreaming" and went back to sleep.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         

No

Did you see the deceased?       

Yes

As described above .... apart from him looking younger and more vibrant with his lesions gone and the dreadful gold caps he was my Dad.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            As clear as anyone standing in sunshine. As solid as myself. Only he didn't move.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Waist up as he was standing beside my bed.....quite close.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            As above......about 30 or more years younger.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            As healthy as I had ever seen him. All skin lesions were gone......he looked fantastic.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           None at all.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?  

No

How long did the experience last?      

Hard to know but I felt a good minute at least.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         

Sudden. One minute he was there and when I woke my husband he was gone in a flash.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?         

Yes

I have thought a lot about this over the years and I now believe his brilliant smile said to me "You can see me .......you can see me at last!" His smile was joyful and I felt he had been trying to contact me for years and at last he had accomplished just that. Or rather my ability to see him with the right circumstances in place etc allowed this wonderful experience. I now believe it is not "they" who fail in contacting "us' but our inability to see that they are really here all the time.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?        

Experience was probably real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:  

I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that my experience was REAL......however there is a part of my questioning mind that tells me it MAY have been a subliminal experience brought about by some deep seated "need" especially as was so unhappy at the time..........however I have NEVER experienced this before or again and I definitely lean towards belief that I actually saw my beloved father. Even now when things get hard I bring this experience to mind and am instantly comforted.

          Was the experience dream like in any way? 

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:         

Amazed.....some bewilderment....happy......calm and relaxed.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?         

Yes

I felt safer and not as alone. I knew that Dad was there no matter what. I only had to talk to him and that filled me with comfort as in life I rang him every week and he was my greatest mentor and although I never told him of my situation with the violence etc I only learned last year from my brother that Dad knew all the time but didn't want to interfere and waited for me to make the move to tell him.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   

There was only "best". I was profoundly grateful for the experience as it helped me when David (my son) died ten years later.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      

No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?            Yes    As above...I HOPE and BELIEVE we live on after death and that there is a God.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         

Yes    I am still a bit of a questioner.....but in the main I now believe there must be a Higher Power (?God) that we do live on after death and that we do get to be with our loved ones again. I don't KNOW..............but I believe!!

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?     

No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        

No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?         

Joyful.............not only did I know my Dad was alive and well.........I also knew we would all meet again and there is no such thing as death.

Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    Most people immediately open up to tell me of their own experiences. I am an ICU nurse where we get to resuscitate a lot of people. I have heard amazing stories from a host of people from different backgrounds. Only after the experience with my Dad  and the death of my eldest son did I bother to listen to them. Prior to that I guess I never thought about it at all.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?     

I guess it has given me the strength to go on especially after the death of David. Although I never had the same visual experience I did have spiritual experiences after David died that I may not have been alert to had I not had the "Dad experience".

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   

No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? 

Yes 

When David died the family did have different experiences that were not easily explained. The night after David's funeral my sister saw a bright light in her bedroom as she lay awake. She said she knew it was David. I wondered why it was she who had this experience and not myself who was desperate to know where and how he was. This adds to my belief that it is OUR ability NOT the deceased that allows us to "see" as I know without doubt David would have done ALL he could to contact and comfort me as we were incredibly close.