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Austin R's ADC

Experience description:  

About a month into my depression that had been kick started by a sudden fear of death and the recent passing of my grandmother on my mother's side, I had went to bed, and unlike past nights, I did not toss and turn, I fell to sleep as easily as I had before my sadness and fear had set in. A usual procession of random dreams went by, ones which I do not remember, until I reached a dream that involved my whole family, including my grandmother on my father's side, and all of us were walking through a large space that seemed to combine stores and malls I had visited in the past into one whole place. I suddenly noticed my grandfather was there, and a feeling of love and reassurance came over me, and it was at that point I was aware that I was asleep, and the dream melted away into a lucid experience. My grandfather left and so did this warm presence, but before my lucidity faded, my grandmother in my dream turned to me and said that it was his spirit. The rest of the dream continued, but its details I can barely remember at all, like with most dreams, however the moments where my grandfather occupied my dream and the moment after he left are still fairly clear in my mind.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?     No  

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   Uncertain  

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     I had some sense that a message was sent in any almost telepathic, thought based fashion, however it was not in the usual sense of message deliverance, meaning it lacked sound and voice.  

Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?   I had a sense of knowing what was communicated, that my grandfather was all right and that I shouldn't be feeling the way I have felt. It seemed to originate from outside me, just as the thoughts of any real person, but they were closer, and more connected. 

If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     While no sound was heard, the thoughts and feelings I sensed were familiar to me.     

Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No  

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   Uncertain  

Describe where and how you were touched:     I sensed a presence, something odd and yet strangely familiar. It wasn't touch or physical contact in the traditional sense, as in the way we are accustomed to when using our hands to touch and handle an object.

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Familiar.  

Was anything communicated by the touch?   A sense of love and reassurance, like that which you get from a hug, that emotional feeling that goes beyond the contact of skin, clothing, and body heat. Like being held by a person who is there to help you when you are dealing with tough matters.

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   It did not in anyway match the physically warm feelings from my bed sheets and bed comforter. I also had my fan on to keep me cool, which is a physical feeling that contradicts and opposes warmness.

Did you see the deceased?   Yes    Yes. He appeared as he did in life, even wearing the familiar everyday clothing he wore, shorts and a sports or radio station shirt, but the difference was that he appeared healed and happy.

How clearly did the deceased appear?   Solid.

How much of the deceased did you see?    All.

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   He appeared to be around the same age, but without the visible affects of the disease he suffered from.

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?    Very healthy, in fact even somewhat healthier than I had ever remembered him.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?    The only possibility could be a brief episode of lucid dreaming, but nothing in my surroundings could have triggered it.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?    No               

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?   Yes     He was happy but concerned with how I had been feeling.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?   From what I can infer from the experience, is the information that he is still "alive" in a sense, and that he is happy and healthy.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?    Experience was probably real    It felt real, unlike dreams I have had, it wasn't just visual and auditory in nature, it included abstract and emotion feelings and senses.

Was the experience dream like in any way?    No    While initially it was a dream, the actual experience, the contact, was not dream like at all.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?    Yes    My fear of death, while not totally erased, has been lessened somewhat, and it has opened my mind up to searching for evidence that death is not our end, only the end of our time here. I still hold some fears and uncertainties, but I also hold hope as well.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The best part had to been the feeling of love and reassurance I sensed, and the sight of him, healed and, well, in a way, alive. The experience really had no bad parts to it.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?    Yes    Currently I have been pursuing my own research and studies regarding the afterlife and the evidence supporting it. It has influenced my feelings towards the future and has slightly brought back the optimism I had before I developed a strong fear of death.   

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?    Yes    My fears and beliefs that all that awaits us and our loved ones is total annihilation of our memories and self were weakened somewhat.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?    Yes    It reopened for me the possibility that our loved ones are not lost and that annihilation might not be what awaits me and others.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   No

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?    No   

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?       Yes    A lack of time was noticed, and only after the experience was I able to place it into a time frame, based on my memories of the experience.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?        Uncertain    Knowing now that the possibility that we survive death has been special to me, since my fears revolve around the idea that we don't.

Did you become aware of future events?           No             

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    Uncertain    I am uncertain whether it was I who had come to him or if it was him who had come to me, other than that I sensed love and reassurance, as well as a sense of reality.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?    No   

Did you see a light?    Yes    When the "connection" between us was formed, there was a slight fade out from the dream scene, with a white light taking its place, a white, luminous fog.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?   Uncertain    It took place within my mind, or at least somewhere besides the dream itself or the reality we know during our awakened states.

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    Yes, I have shared it with all of my core family members and my grandmother. My parents liked to hear about it and have reminded me of it to make me feel better whenever I ponder my fears, and my grandmother was really glad to hear about it and shared with me her experience. She told me of the night when she awoke to see my grandfather standing at the door, before quickly disappearing.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?    No       

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    No   

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   No    I have had several lucid dreams since then, but they have only reproduced the feeling that I was experiencing more than the typical dream before awaking.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      No    Before I had never experienced any spiritual event personally, and had only recently learned of NDEs and OBEs.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes    The questions covered the experience quite well and allowed me to convey the information accurately.