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Barbara B's ADC

Experience description:  

My mother and I had talked about dying in the years before she passed away.  We read angel stories, accounts of NDEs, the Bible, what Heaven was like, etc. I cannot remember if she said she would try to contact me.  I think she did.  Several things happened.  A dove came and sat on the arch above my entry gate.  The dove was there for a week.  Never before or since has that happened.  A clock in my study that stopped chiming over 20 years ago suddenly started ticking and chiming on the hour and half hour.  It did so for about a month and then was again silent.  I have a very beautiful and massive mirror from India in a huge ornate wood frame with doors.  I have the doors tied shut with a ribbon.  When I got home the doors were open.  The light in the laundry room stopped working.  The garbage disposal stopped working and I discovered what mother called a "scratcher" down inside of it ripped to shreds.  She loved those things and I hated them.  That was spooky and I am still not sure how to think about it.  That is all I can remember but there may have been more. There was no doubt in my mind that my mother did these things.  Also, when she was at the hospice she had been taken off of the ventilator she was on in the hospital.  She could not speak and she could not write, yet when I told her I had to go home and feed the dogs and would be right back she said "You don't need to come back".  How could she say this when she could not speak. She passed away in the half hour while I was gone.  She knew.   

I was asleep in the guest bedroom in my mothers house.  I woke suddenly screaming get away from me and sat up in the bed suddenly and saw the form of a man in the doorway, sort of cloudy looking. It was then sort of evaporating and retreating like fog. It has never happened again.  Before he died when we were visiting him at a Veterans hospital (I may have been about 15) he was in a wheelchair.  He had experienced several strokes over perhaps a 2 year period.  He took my hand and looked up at me like a pitiful dying creature and I had the feeling he was asking me to forgive him.  I was repulsed and yanked my hand away and moved myself away.  For years I had prayed to God to take him away.  God did in his own way remove this individual from my life.  I do not think this was a dream.  I do not think my unconscious would have allowed it.  It was an intrusion, unwelcome and unbidden.  I have forgiven all who have hurt me but I cannot specifically forgive this monster nor do I seek revenge.  I leave him to the Gods. 

Kiki101 got an infection in one of her front legs when she got entangled in a barbed wire fence trying to reach the sweet tall grass on the other side.  The vet did not give her sufficient antibiotics and she did not survive the systemic infection.  About four months later she came to me in a dream...we stood in a field in an area of rolling hills.  She told me that she wanted me to know she was OK and then she turned and galloped up to the top of a low hill where a stallion was waiting for her and then she was gone.  I was very comforted by that.  One of the books I am reading now, actually re-reading, is Man and His Symbols. There is much discussion about dreams.  This dream of Kiki was one of those where an entity that has passed away wishes to communicate something to one still living and dreams are a way of doing that.  You just know in part because of their power.  Jung reminds us to treat them as fact. 

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    Only with Kiki who spoke to me briefly.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  Kiki:  I did sense a sound.  If we consider the possibility that there is no true distinction between within and without it becomes difficult to answer this question.  Consider the concept of a collective unconscious for example and the idea that ones personal unconscious may have some connection to that greater consciousness.  What then is in and what is not?  I did hear her speak but since horses do not speak English it must have been telepathic perhaps?

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Kiki: She was very chatty in life and the voice, although "human" reflected those qualities I associate with her.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           NO.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   NO.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Uncertain

#2 The man.  There was only a powerful sense of his presence in the room next to me, standing and the sense that again he came to ask for forgiveness and was banished.  What woke me?  What made me sit straight up in bed startled and screaming however briefly?  I do not know if there was a brief touch of the hand on my arm...perhaps.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   I knew who it was.  Unfamiliar because it was otherworldly.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Yes but I am uncertain...

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

#2 Yes in some form already noted.

#3 Kiki:  Yes, looking healthy, healed and very happy.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            #2  Cloudy human form disintegrating 

#3  Kiki:  Very solid, well nourished, shiny coat, perfect top line...a gorgeous confident thoroughbred

            How much of the deceased did you see?       #2  Yes except feet 

#3 Kiki:  Yes but do not remember hooves probably because she was just two feet in front of me and I was primarily looking at her beautiful face

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       #1  Unclear, unknown 

#3  Kiki:  I would say younger...but mature, at least 6

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            #1  No sense of that 

#3  Kiki:  Very healthy.  She had scars from Polo which can be very hard on horses.  When she came to me she was also head shy and broken-hearted. Her previous owner was a bad man. You can tell by the body language.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           NO.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           I have from time to time smelled flowers when there are none here in the desert where I am. I think that suggests the presence of the sacred.  I think of it as a gift.

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     Yes, flowers...no specific flowers that I recall.

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   No.

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        Doubtful, certainly not in every instance.  Inclination is to say "No".

How long did the experience last?        At the most minutes...generally perhaps 10-20 minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Not sudden.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

#3  Kiki:  Great happiness

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  #3  Kiki:  Yes, that she was "alive" and well on some other plane of existence

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I cannot empirically prove anything.  It is a matter of faith.  It is a knowing beyond faith.  It probably cannot be explained...it is ineffable?  

Also, when I was about 11 I was sleeping in the den which was open to the living room.  My grandmother was visiting and sleeping on the sofa in the living room.  I opened my eyes and saw my grandfather leaning over her.  He had died about 10 years earlier.  I had the distinct feeling that this was private and so I closed my eyes again. I was not afraid at all.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Well, my mother had just died so of course I was grieving.  But I was very comforted by the signs I observed.   

#2  Terrified, angry. 

#3  Kiki:  Happy.  Grateful.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

#1  and #3.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      I have already answered.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No                 

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   No       Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes     For the most part affirmation of what I already believed.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Yes

#1, Already described.  My mom and I had such an agreement I believe.  She would probably try to contact me anyway.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes  Only perhaps my dogs

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

I seem to know what people are going to say just before they say something.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Unresponsive.  Sharing very limited.  Sad....

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Not that I can think of now.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

What I guess some would call rapture.  I am reluctant to talk about it. It is very sacred.  I was 18.  I was in Laguna Beach out on a rock meditating at a place said to be a sacred place although I did not know it at the time.  I knew it would be with me the rest of my life and it has.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I would be happy to but I am really tired of sitting here...:-) Maybe later.