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Barbara J's ADC

Experience description:  

All the questions previous to this got most of the experience. There were circumstances that led up to his suicide that I won't post here. So of course there are parts left out to some extent. The body of the experience is intact.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Uncertain

As experienced by some NDE'ers, he projected pure peace, pure love and pure joy. That's the closest I can come using human language to describe how this felt. The interesting thing was he told me, "I love you. I always have and I always will." Not, "I loved you" as in past tense as one would expect if the experience wasn't real. I know it was real. We had the telepathic communication as in NDE's also.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   He spoke to me in my head. He told me I would be ok. He told me many things that night. I felt and still feel that he was allowed to come back to set me free so I could move past the crushing anger and grief that his suicide had caused me to feel. That was the turning point for me. He was with me through most of the night and sometime before daylight I felt him slowly fade away. I was euphoric the rest of that day.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  It was his voice but it was... hard to explain. Instantaneous as far as conveying meaning and feelings. The one thing I was very strongly aware of was that this was Robert but so much more. This is what he was meant to be if he hadn't had that cloud over him during his life.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           It was his voice. Clear as a bell. No doubt, even before he spoke. I felt him come up from the basement (where our bedroom was at and where his ashes were at the time). He came down the short stretch of hallway and into the living room. It was almost as if I could see him come into the room and fill it up. When he got to me I felt *something* reach inside of me. It was like having a huge rock taken off my chest. The anger was taken as was the almost suicidal grief.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No. Flat out no.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   None at all.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Uncertain

As I said above: I felt him come up from the basement (where our bedroom was at and where his ashes were at the time). He came down the short stretch of hallway and into the living room. It was almost as if I could see him come into the room and fill it up. When he got to me I felt *something* reach inside of me. It was like having a huge rock taken off my chest. The anger was taken as was the almost suicidal grief. It was so strong, his essence. There was not mistaking who it was.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Doesn't apply in this case.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Pure peace, pure love and pure joy as well as a lifting of the anger and grief that was eating me alive.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  None.

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        As I said, a good portion of the night. About 7 hours or so?

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The beginning was sudden. The end was a fading away.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Pure joy, pure peace and pure love.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  He asked me to go to look out the kitchen (back) door to the carport where his car was. He'd died in his car. He told me to look at it. I did and when I did he said, "See? It's just a car. No more, no less." I sensed that he didn't want to be attached to the car simply because he had died there. What no-one could know but me was that it was approaching that point for me. He didn't want me to turn it into some kind of shrine. He also told me it was time to do take care of his ashes.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:          I don't know how to explain it other than it was as real as anything else that's happened to me just today. It was real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I was disbelieving at first. As I felt him come into the room I asked, out loud, "Is that really you?" And in my head I heard him, "Yes, it's really me. I'm really here." I knew it was real at that moment. During the rest of it I was a mess of emotions. I was feeling his emotions like he was able to impart some of them to me. So joyful, peaceful, loved and loving. I was ecstatic to know he was truly ok now.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I was *so* angry. And hurt. And grief stricken. All of that eased. The grief was still there of course but from that point forward I was able to function at a higher level again and to move forward to healing. Before that I was stuck.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The worst was when he left. And that wasn't all that bad. It was inevitable that he leave. So it wasn't that bad. And what he left me with more than made up for him leaving again...this time for good. 

The best was that I really needed him and there he was. And it wasn't just pop in and out. He stayed with me for awhile.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      It's affected my entire life. His death, the way he died, the whys and such as well as the visit. I learned what was real and important in life.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     I was certain then that there had to life after death.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     Contained in my answers above.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes   As I said above, he asked me to call his mom. Right away she knew I was telling her the truth. It was his way of telling us both that the experience was real.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            For the rest of that day I was a mixture of the three pure emotions he projected. It was a feeling of almost euphoria. It was wonderful!

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

Yes, in a way. During the visitation, which lasted most of the night, the last thing he told me or asked me to do was to call his mom and let her know he was ok and at peace. It didn't occur to me until I was telling her all this that he had given both of us proof that it was real: His mom started crying and said, "He was always telling you to call me to tell me this or that."

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Those that I have shared it with were at a place where they needed to hear what I had to say. It helped some and some it at least gave them hope and something to ponder. My mom was a good one. A bit after my dad died mom called me and told me she had heard dad a couple of times as she was waking up. She was afraid to mention it to my sister or brother or anyone else for that matter cause she was afraid they would think she was becoming senile. I assured it it was probably real and that many people who had lost people close to them had visits after death. I told her she was not crazy nor imagining things. That gave her incredible peace and of course, permission to believe.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            Uncertain

I thought I posted this here before or at another website but haven't found it or found where I shared it.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Nothing that I can think of.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

To the best of my ability to articulate that which cannot be put into human words. 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    None that I can think of.