THE FACT THAT I NEVER KNEW OR BONDED WITH MY FATHER AS A CHILD, WAS VERY TRAUMATIC TO ME. COMING FROM A VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ANYWAY, I SO WANTED A FATHER, A GUIDE, SOMEONE TO PROTECT ME FROM HARM. IT WAS NEVER EXPLAINED AS TO WHY HE WASN'T THERE.  AS I GREW OLDER, I BECAME VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS AND FELT ABANDONED. IN MY LATE 30S I WAS WORKING ON ISSUES FROM CHILDHOOD. I WROTE A LETTER TO MY DAD, WITH OUT MAILING IT AND REALIZED HE ALSO HAD MISSED OUT ON KNOWING ME. EXACTLY 1 YR LATER, SOMETHING TOLD ME TO LOCATE HIM. EVEN IF I WAS REJECTED, I HAD TO FIND HIM. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHY. I KNEW HE LIVED IN N.Y. SO I CALLED A NY. OPERATOR AND ASKED FOR ALL THE LISTINGS BY HIS NAME. THE 2ND ONE I CALLED WAS HIM. HE HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR ME ALSO, FOR THE LAST 15 YRS. WE CRIED, WE TALKED FOR HOURS AND I TOLD HIM I WAS VISITING NY AND WANTED TO SEE HIM. I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A TRANCE THROUGH ALL THAT HAPPENED. I WAS FINALLY GOING TO MEET MY DAD! A MONTH LATER, WE WERE TOGETHER, TALKING, HAVING LUNCH TOGETHER. VISITING AREAS OF NY AND MEETING HIS FRIENDS, LAUGHING AND CRYING TOGETHER. HE TOLD ME THE STORY OF HIS OWN CHILDHOOD, GROWING UP IN AN ORPHANAGE FEELING, HIMSELF, ABANDONED. HE DIDN'T THINK I WAS HIS CHILD AS HE HAD NEVER HAD BEEN ABLE TO FATHER CHILDREN. THEN HE SAID ALL HE KNEW WAS HOW HE FELT INSIDE. HE HAD NEVER KNOWN LOVE BEFORE, BUT NEVER HAD FELT THIS KIND OF LOVE. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! MY DAD HAD TO "FEEL LOVE" BEFORE HE COULD PASS ON.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE. I WANTED TO STAY FOREVER. I FOUND MY DAD. I DIDN'T WANT THAT FEELING OF HAPPINESS TO EVER GO AWAY. BUT MY VACATION WAS UP.

WITH IN A FEW WEEKS, WE WERE BOTH PLANNING HIS TRIP TO ILLINOIS TO VISIT OVER THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. WE WROTE DAILY, WE TALKED ON THE PHONE WEEKLY. WE COULDN'T WAIT TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. HE WAS TO TAKE THE BUS TO ILLINOIS.

ON THANKSGIVING DAY, A FRIEND OF HIS CALLED ME AND TOLD ME HE PASSED AWAY IN HIS BROWN CHAIR FROM A HEART ATTACK. I WENT INTO SHOCK. I CRIED FOR OVER 24 HRS. I WAS SO ANGRY AT GOD. I JUST FOUND HIM!!! WHY WAS HE TAKING HIM FROM ME NOW? I DROVE TO NY THE NEXT DAY TO MAKE FUNERAL PLANS AND TAKE CARE OF HIS BELONGINGS. I MET STEWART, THE MAN WHO CALLED ME TO TELL ME HE HAD DIED. IT WAS LIKE WE KNEW EACH OTHER! WE BOTH FELT A SENSE OF KNOWING. I LATER FOUND OUT HE MAY HAVE BEEN MY 1/2 BROTHER.

AS I SAT IN MY DADS BROWN CHAIR STILL IN SHOCK , IN GRIEF, CRYING MY HEART OUT, MISSING HIM AND REMEMBERING WHAT SHORT TIME WE DID HAVE TOGETHER, HIS PHONE RANG. SURPRISED, I PICKED IT UP AND SAID "HELLO" ? I HEARD THE SAME FAMILIAR STATIC THAT I HAD HEARD WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER HAD CALLED WHEN SHE DIED.!!!! I COULDN'T BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE! THIS TIME , THERE WAS NO VOICE.  JUST THE STATIC. AND THE MESSAGE: THANKING ME FOR THE 3 DAYS WE HAD, HE LOVED ME SO MUCH, AND WISH THINGS HAD BEEN DIFFERENT. I FELT SO LOVED. YOU SEE, MY FATHER COULDN'T TALK AS HE HAD A TRACHE, YRS BEFORE.

AGAIN , I WAS FRIGHTENED OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED. YET I KNEW IT WAS OK. I WAS IN NO HARM.

I HAD TALKED TO MY DAUGHTER THE NEXT DAY. SHE HAD YET TO MEET HIM AND I WAS TELLING HER OF HIS DEATH. SHE PROCEEDED TO TELL ME THAT SHE HAD A DREAM THE NIGHT BEFORE. ( SAME NIGHT HE CALLED ME) SHE SAW A OLD MAN WITH WHITE HAIR MOVING TOWARD HER IN A BROWN LEATHER RECLINER GREETING HER. SHE WAS SO FRIGHTENED SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS AND HE COULD GO AWAY NOW. AND HE DID. FOR MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE THIS DREAM, IT COULD HAVE ONLY BEEN MY DAD. HE HAD NEVER MET HER AND DID SO, IN SPIRIT.

DUE TO THAT SHOCK OF ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME AT THIS TIME, I COULDN'T TALK ABOUT MY DAD FOR 2 YRS. LATER WHEN I WENT TO THERAPY.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?

Yes

THIS WAS THE 2ND TIME IN MY LIFE THAT THIS EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME AND I JUST KNEW IT WAS NO COINCIDENCE. THERE HAD TO BE MORE OUT THERE THAT WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND, YET BELIEVE TO BE TRUE. HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED TO ONE PERSON MORE THAN ONCE? WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR IT ALL?

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     

AS I EXPLAINED ABOVE. I ALSO FELT HIS PRESENCE WITH ME.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?        

THE COMMUNICATION WAS THROUGH THE PHONE. NO VOICE, BUT KNEW WHAT WAS BEING SAID.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?        

NO DUE TO A TRACHE YRS EARLIER. BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TRYING TO SPEAK BUT COULDN'T.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?     

NOT AT ALL. I WAS IN THE ROOM ALONE.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?

NO

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         

No

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        

I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING IT WHEN THIS HAPPENED BUT REMEMBER HOW MY GRANDMOTHER DID THE SAME TO ME AND REALIZED I WAS VERY BLESSED BY THE ONES WHO LOVED ME THE MOST.

Did you see the deceased?       

No

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            ACCORDING TO MY DAUGHTER, HER DESCRIPTION WAS HOW HE LOOKED IN THE PRESENT. SHE NEVER SAW A PHOTO OF WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE UNTIL AFTERWARD. WHEN SHE SAW THE PHOTO, SHE TOLD ME HE WAS THE ONE WHO VISITED HER IN HER DREAM.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            HE HAD TOLD ME HE HAD NUMBNESS IN HIS LEFT ARM WHILE I WAS VISITING. HE WAS GOING TO THE VA WHEN I LEFT. FOR TESTS.

ITS AS IF WE BOTH KNEW ( BUT NOT CONSCIOUSLY) THAT THERE WASN'T MUCH TIME AND NEEDED TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT NOW.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           NO

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?  

No

How long did the experience last?      

20-30 SECONDS.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         

VERY SPONTANEOUS

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?         

Yes

PEACEFUL. HAPPY. GRATEFUL.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?        

Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:  

VERY REAL. WITH PROOF IN MY OWN MIND DUE TO THE FACT UP TO NOW.  IT HAPPENED TO ME TWICE. ONE MORE WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN WHICH I WILL EXPLAIN IN MY NEXT IN MY NEXT SURVEY.

          Was the experience dream like in any way? 

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:        

I FELT SURPRISED AT 1ST BUT THEN SOOTHED THAT IT WAS HAPPENING TO ME ALL OVER AGAIN.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?         

Yes

I REALIZED THAT WE WERE BOTH GIVEN A SPECIAL GIFT TO EACH OTHER DURING THIS REUNION AND EXPERIENCE.

I- KNEW THE FATHER PART OF ME THAT I NEVER DID. PRIOR TO THIS, I DIDN'T LIKE MYSELF MUCH. GETTING TO KNOW , HELPED  THAT CHANGE.

DAD- I GAVE HIM THE GIFT OF  FEELING  LOVE WHICH HE NEVER KNEW OR FELT IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   

KNOWING THAT I HAVE 2 FATHERS WHO LOVE ME. I HAVE BEEN DOUBLY BLESSED.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      

Yes                Describe:    

I LIVE A DAY AT A TIME. APPRECIATE ALL BEINGS IN MY LIFE AND REALIZE THAT ANY LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS. WE ARE ALL LOVED BY GOD AND ARE ALL THE SAME.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?            Yes    THAT

ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT NEED TO ACCEPT WHAT IS AND TO REALIZE THERE IS A HIGHER PURPOSE FOR EVERYTHING.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         

Yes    I KNOW THERE IS AN AFTERLIFE. I DO NOT FEAR DEATH

AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY I SEE MY LOVED ONES AGAIN.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?     

No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        

No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?         

SURPRISE. COMFORTED. SAFE. RELAXED.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?         

No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? 

No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    

Yes

THAT GOD CAN CREATE MIRACLES IN LIFE. IT WAS A LIFE CHANGING EVENT FOR ME AND MY FAITH AND THE KNOWING HAVE BECOME STRONG EVER SINCE.

Did you become aware of future events?     

No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           Yes

YES IT HAS BECOME STRONGER DURING THE LAST 7 YRS.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    

No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?         

No

Did you see a light?        

No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?        

No

Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    ONLY IN THERAPY

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

No

HAVE BEEN UNCERTAIN UNTIL I FOUND YOUR WEBSITE.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?     

I AM THANKFUL FOR IT HAPPENING AND TO GIVE ME AN UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE AND DEATH.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   

No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? 

Yes 

SEE 1ST SURVEY.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?          

Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.         

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESEARCH.