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Brenda D's ADC


I met her in my "dream". It occurred in my bathroom which is in my bedroom. I saw her, she was dressed in white, wearing clothing like she would have normally worn but again, it was white, which she never wore while alive. She wore darker shades. She looked just as she always had. She was sort of translucent and misty. I embraced her and then we "merged". I became something else, I think I also became translucent. Essentially, we became 'one'. We went upwards, it was dark but peaceful. When we merged the euphoria was like nothing of natural origin. It was like ecstasy. I felt connected to her physically, emotionally, and sexually. It was everything at once. Better than sex, way better. The connection and the intimacy. The feeling I felt was that of pulsating, radiating love. Literally. I didn't want the feeling to stop. I grew spiritually in ways I wouldn't have known during this experience and shortly afterward, too. I felt more spiritual 'knowledge' than a monk who had devoted his whole life to enlightenment. I felt like I had attained more enlightenment than the Buddha. Upon awakening, I had a word that telepathically came to mind in a way I had never experienced before. It sort of flashed inside me and I said it out loud: "porthole." I had seen the word months earlier online and I was curious about it. I looked it up then but could not recall the definition. I had to look it up again after the experience. The next few days, I felt great joy but also great sadness and depression. I felt like I wanted to die because I wanted to feel that way again. I am not a depressed person and never considered taking my life. I always feared death. It was intense though and I felt like it may be hard to live in this world which felt so uncomfortable after feeling what I had in this experience. Eventually it faded and it is harder for me to recall. I don't feel like I want to die anymore.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes

It was nothing of human experience that I could relate it to.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Uncertain

We merged. I am not sure I felt a human touch, it is hard to put into words what I felt. It was so much more than physical.

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? no see above

Was anything communicated by the touch? love and connection/intimacy/ecstasy

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? no

Did you see the deceased? Yes

clothes like she always wore but she was dressed in white. She looked like she did while alive.

How clearly did the deceased appear? somewhat translucent but more solid than transparent. Foggy, misty but clear form

How much of the deceased did you see? all

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? same age

How healthy did the deceased appear to be? healthy like she looked before she passed.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last? a few minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes

ecstasy, love, we were 'one' our emotions were linked.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? just her love for me on every level. She gave me the word "porthole" telepathically.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was probably real

Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: it was unlike anything I could have imagined. I had never felt anything like this. It was not of human origin.

Was the experience dream like in any way? Uncertain

it started out as a dream, but then this experience happened and it wasn't anything like a dream or human experience.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: see above euphoria, love , bliss,

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

I felt happy because I connected with her and like I was given a great gift.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? waking up. Being with her in that way.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Describe: it's made me stronger and more confident.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes belief that ego is the root of our suffering.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes life after death, other realms, ecstasy

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? euphoria, sadness, depression

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes

we went up into space somewhere

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes

that we go on after this life.

Did you become aware of future events? No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes

I felt like I lost my ego

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? No

Did you see a light? No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? No

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes some seemed supportive; others, skeptical. No, not influenced

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? no

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes