It was the day after I learned my 21 year old son had died. I had spent the night before crying and screaming. I was alone in my house and standing in the upstairs bathroom in front of the mirror sobbing.  I suddenly saw my son, Matthew, standing next to me through the corner of my eye.  He was crying and said to me "please don't cry mom, please don't be so sad" and I knew if I looked directly at him he would wouldn't be there so I just stood there. I wiped my tears and looked and he was gone.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard my son say "Please don't cry mom, please don't be so sad" it was clear and in his voice.  He was crying and I could hear and feel his pain when he said those words to me. I felt his love and concern and also felt that he felt bad that he was the cause of my grief.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  I was so emotional that day so it is hard to say if I actually heard him speak or if I just sensed what he was saying.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           What I believe I heard sounded exactly like my son's voice.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He looked exactly as he did while alive.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            He was there but like looking at him through tears, which I was crying so it was like he was really there. He was solid.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I saw his upper body, not his legs.  but I was looking out of corner of my eye so that may be why.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He was the same age as when he died.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He was healthy as he was in life.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        It was very brief. Less than a minute. Probably about 30 seconds is all.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         It was sudden. I was standing there crying and all of a sudden I saw my son next to me crying and talking.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

He was very upset and sad. He was hurt seeing me grieve.  In life, Matt, was so kind hearted and loving that he would not want to see me hurt so badly. I could feel his guilt and sorrow.  I could feel him "worry" about me.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I am not 100 percent convinced that it really happened, although it seemed very real to me.  I was just so upset that I am not sure I didn't hallucinate it.  I've never been so upset in my life and am not sure if my mind just snapped temporarily or not.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

It seemed so real while happening, however, afterwards, it almost seemed like I dreamed it.  I was wide awake though so know that it was not a dream.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I went from feeling so sad and grieving so bad about my loss to feeling guilty that my grief was hurting my son. I felt that I should try not to cry or grieve as hard because it made my son feel guilty and I did not want my son to be sad either.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Uncertain

I hope that my experience was real and that it is a sign that we don't die, that there is some sort of after life and that I will someday see my son again.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      the best part is the possibility that there is life after death and I will see my son again. The worst part is not knowing for sure if it really happened and also if it did, upsetting my son.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I am leaning more towards the possibility of life after death. I am still somewhat on the fence but am now more likely to believe it is possible.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Uncertain      A day or two after I had the experience of seeing my son, I was laying in bed almost asleep and I saw his face clearly and then saw Jesus' face. part of me believes that was a sign that God is real and that my son is now with Jesus.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Extreme sadness and guilt.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I'm not sure others believe me. I think they just see me as the grieving mother that wishes her son came and spoke to her. I'm not sure.  When I do tell others they just seem sad.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       no

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes