Bruis V's ADC
Before the experience: We are August 31st 2006, I am in Belgium at St-Joseph’s Hospital. I am visiting my friend Jean ma, hospitalized for acute gastric problems.
We have known each other for a few years but have been really close for only a few months. Close like a brother and a sister, close like an older friend who has more life experience and a young woman who doesn’t know where she is going…
He is older than me and has had a hectic life but the previous years haven’t been really happy for me and this one was particularly difficult... At the time I was trying to get out of a toxic relationship with my boyfriend, I was starting up a catering business with my sister and it was very difficult, I lost my father on January 31st of that year and on August 24th, one week to the day before my friend Jean ma passed away, my little dog was hit by a car and died. It might seem crazy but I love animals and I loved my dog so this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was overwhelmed with grief.
That Thursday afternoon I was at the hospital with my friend. He felt sad for me about my little dog, he understood me and I had never felt so close to him… until he had an internal bleeding right in front of me! I thought he needed to throw up but it was blood that came out in the bowl… emergency, doctor, surgeon, I have to leave the room, a last look and I admit to have left without too much worry… I didn’t think he was going to “go” and yet, he died a few hours later.
All this “novel” to explain the state of mind I was in when I had my experience.
Experience: September 4th. I haven’t slept, I spoke a little bit with my friend’s relatives, I feel like an empty shell, I don’t feel anything at all… It’s 8:00 AM Monday morning: I have circles under my eyes, I am pale, I am tired and my friend’s funeral is in a few hours. I am not doing good and I don’t want to go under those circumstances… I decide to lay down on the living room’s couch for a couple hours. I don’t think I’m going to sleep but I lay down all dressed up and I close my eyes…then I open them again to find myself upstairs, in my bedroom, laying down on the bed, as if I was really there. I didn’t doubt for a moment I was really there... I dreamt like I have never dreamt before but I knew it wasn’t a dream, it was an experience to which I cannot give a name.
I woke up in my bed because my mother had knocked on my door and was telling me that my friend Jean ma couldn’t make it home today so he wanted to stay with us.
I opened my eyes and looked around me: everything was where it should have been and everything was normal, just like my friend’s visit. I had “forgot” he was dead and at that “moment”, he wasn’t dead… I got up and opened the door.
My friend came in and he looked younger. He had no scar from the disease. He radiates happiness and I was glad to see him. He spoke to me without words but I could hear everything he was telling me. He asked me to sit on the floor in front of him and I did. He pulled me towards him (something he had never done). He had such a soft smile, so ecstatic… and when he wrapped his arms around me I “went”.
I could hear him from far away telling me he loved me but what I felt was a love so strong, so pure, so brotherly, so beautiful, you couldn’t compare “human” love to it. All of the sudden, I was in the middle of a “universe” coming from an intense golden light. I shut my eyes but could still feel everything. This light was so powerful yet so soft. I was a “bubble”, a cell. I was alone in the middle of this golden universe and I was bathing in absolute love. I was aware of being alone but I was in the middle of pure love so I felt ecstasy and I felt accomplished. I wasn’t feeling anything else but this love. Nowhere else could you feel this kind of love, it’s indescribable… I felt it lasted forever but it still wasn’t long enough… I was alone all along, my friend wasn’t there but I wasn’t feeling any frustration. I didn’t need anything and wasn’t thinking about anything either. It was an absolute blissful feeling. Every cells in my body and in my heart were filled with love. I felt deeply loved and I didn’t wish for anything else as this felt like what I had been waiting for. This absolute love, unconditional, without restrictions and obligations was taking me away, taking my soul, my heart… I cannot describe it with words!!
I “came back down” all
at once without knowing how. I was in my bedroom and my friend Jean ma smiled at
me, he took my hand and said: “Come, the both of us still have something to do,
I promise”. He opened my bedroom door, I felt so good… He went downstairs and I
followed him. Suddenly I could hear my father’s voice (who had passed away that
same year)… he was telling me I couldn’t follow my friend, that it wasn’t my
time. He had put some crates in the stairs to block me from going! My friend
Jean ma went through the crates but he was still holding my hand so I jumped
over them and without any difficulty I got to the entrance door. My friend
turned towards me and was staring at me when I heard my mother’s voice, softly
telling me “Bruis, you cannot follow him, not now, it’s not your time! You have
something to do first”. The living room door opened and there were about fifty
people all dressed in black. I turned to look at my friend Jean ma but he was
gone and then, I opened my eyes and was laying down on my couch, in the living
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes To explain with words from our world how I really felt
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Uncertain I had been going through the hardest part of my life for a couple years… depression, psychological trauma, didn’t want to do anything, eating disorder, self-destruction, self mutilation, feeling of emptiness, and more….
At what time during
the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?
In my opinion I was thinking very clearly, even though I must have been
sleeping. It is very difficult to describe.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain? In my opinion I was thinking very clearly, even though I must have been sleeping. It is very difficult to describe.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes Even if my eyes were closed I could see, I could feel, I could hear and mostly, I could feel this loving light. I knew where I was and if it would have been for me, I would have stayed there.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? Yes all the senses, tenfold
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Uncertain
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Absolute happiness, absolute love, blissful feeling, accomplishment, indescribable feeling
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Uncertain I didn’t see the universe’s light but I felt it with each cell in my body. Intense, golden and filled with love
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No No, "only" the universe the roots of life
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes there was no time, no duration, no limit, a sensation of forever eternity, I was at home
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain Sometimes dreams, feelings that some “souls” are in the same room as me
Have you shared this experience with others? Uncertain Twice, the first time right after my friend’s funeral to confirm he was somewhere else but happy. And 4 years later, to a friend. No reaction, I felt (through their eyes) odd. I know I wasn’t, it’s just that the majority of human being are closed-minded to things they cannot see.
Did you have any
knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes I have always been open-minded, I have read a lot, talked about it, I
have always known that there are other levels of consciousness.
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real Immediately like a reality. When you go through an experience like this one, it is impossible to not believe it!
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? I haven’t experience what is called a NDE but I know I “saw” what happens after. It was an unusual time in my life, a deceased friend was the intermediate, maybe because he didn’t want to add anymore tears to what I already had shed that year. I don’t know. I cannot put a name on it although it must come close to the felling of a NDE. Today, I know my beliefs about the afterlife were right.
How do you currently
view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real Like the reality of the afterlife, you
cannot doubt it
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? No People, even close to me, are still narrow-minded
Have your religious
beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
No It just
confirmed what I felt, thought.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I don’t think I had an NDE. I had an experience without a name… I was going through a rough period in my life and I was vulnerable that’s true. Since very young I had been open-minded. I wasn’t under the influence of anything and I am not looking for anything by telling my story if only to talk about it to people who can understand and might have had a similar experience as mine!
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes At least what you can describe. Some sensations, impressions cannot really be described even if you’d try.
Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Thank you for giving the opportunity to the people who have had “different” experiences to write on this page, people that don’t really understand them but yet, still feel the need to talk about them years later to try to explain that “death” isn’t an end, on the contrary!