Because a day doesn't go by when I think of him, I have had dreams about my dad on occasion ever since he died.  In those dreams he was always clearly alive and the dreams were about ordinary circumstances, and they felt like ordinary dreams.  When I'd wake up, I'd feel nothing strange about the dream, just a little sad.   

This time was different, however.  In this dream I found myself in a completely white expanse--no walls, no sense of distance around me, no floor, just a glowing white expanse that I could walk on.  I turned about this way and that, trying to figure out where I was. Then suddenly I saw my dad standing just a few yards away.  I was very aware that he was dead when I saw him.  This was not only because I simply "knew" it by instinct, but also because he was wearing a pure white suit.  This is a type of clothing he never wore in life if he could help it, because he was always too hot.  He also looked younger and thinner than I ever knew him to be in life.  Maybe it was the way he looked in his early 20s.  He looked remarkably like he did in his college picture, which I had kept for years, so I was already familiar with this version of his appearance.  He was so handsome, so immaculate and glowing.  His face was serene and wore a gentle smile, as he waited patiently for me to notice him.   

When I realized that he was actually there in front of me, emotion welled up inside me so strongly that I screamed, "DADDY!!," and ran to him as fast as I could.  Throwing my arms and legs around him like a little child, I clung to him and sobbed for a long time. I had missed him so much. 

He just held me for awhile.  Perhaps he spoke to me then, but I no longer remember.  But presently he began to walk slowly towards a swimming pool, which was nearby.  But the pool area wasn't bright like the white expanse.  It had some light, but it was much dimmer with more of a shadowy expanse around it.   

My dad walked straight into the pool, carrying me gently through the warm water.  He spoke to me softly then, telling me something that I have never been able to recall--something about which I've always felt a keen disappointment.  As he spoke to me, he continued to walk through the water, until I saw my husband waiting motionless at the other end.  When my dad approached him, he gently transferred me into my husband's arms, and my husband held me close.  I knew then that our visit was at an end and that my dad was once more--and for the last time--"giving me away," as he had at my wedding.  I don't remember if he said goodbye or anything like that, because it has been a few years, now, but I woke up soon after that. 

When I woke up, I felt much different from how I felt after my usual dreams about my dad.  In previous dreams I was always aware that I was dreaming and never could remember much of what had happened in the dreams, but this dream felt so real that when I woke up, I felt like I had really BEEN somewhere.  My heart was pounding harder, and the memory of my dream was incredibly vivid.  It had the immediacy of memory, not the soft, blurry lines of an ordinary dream.  I felt like something real had just happened. In fact, the dream was so much like a real, waking memory that I still remember it as a memory no different from any other memory--not as a dream.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    He spoke directly to me for several moments, clearly telling me something important, but I could not remember what he said after I woke up.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  His voice was his own, and he spoke just as he did in life.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Similar

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   I have a hearing loss in real life, but it didn't affect my dream.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

Full-body contact--he held me close, just as he did when I was a child.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Familiar.  He was my dad and felt like my dad.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Just gentleness and love.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He wore an immaculate, pure white suit, which is something he would never wear in life, if he could help it, since he was often hot.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of him

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He appeared to be in his early 20s--young, slender, handsome, stood at full height.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Extremely healthy.  He was emaciated at death, because of his cancer.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Being a dream, I'm not sure.  I think it was only a few minutes, though, in dream-time.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         It began suddenly as I found myself in a white expanse without any sense of entering it.  I was just there.  The end was gradual, as he transferred me into my husband's arms gently. I don't remember if he just faded away or if I woke up suddenly at that point, but I know I never left the pool.  The dream ended in the pool.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Uncertain

I knew he loved me and was glad to see me, but the obviously strong emotions were mine.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  I don't know, because I don't remember what he said.  If he told me anything important, it is buried in my subconscious.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Although my memory of this dream is as real and lucid as my memories of any of my other waking moments, I have never been absolutely sure of what happened, because it happened during my sleep and because my husband was there (and he seems to have no memory of such a dream). Still, while I have never talked much about this, in my gut I've always felt that somehow my soul went somewhere outside of my body to a place where he could meet me--somewhere where I was awake and not dreaming.  This is why I believe it feels like a waking memory and not a normal dream.  The fact that my grandmother claimed she saw my grandfather once after he died while she awake in her living room and he spoke to her ("Esther, I just wanted you to know that I'm okay.") has made me more confident that such visitations can happen.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

I have never had a dream remotely like it, so in that sense it was not dreamlike; but the symbolic elements of the suit, the pool, and the "giving me away" moment do seem to be dreamlike.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Relief, shock, excitement, love, grief, joy

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

It was slight, but I felt a little more release from my grief over losing him, a little more peace.  I'd wanted to see him again, just as we all do after losing our loved ones, and now I had.  It wasn't as good as seeing him on earth, of course, but I felt a little better.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best--the moment I saw my dad.  Worst--having to leave him, though it wasn't bad, either, because I love my husband.  When my dad handed me into my husband's arms, I understood that he was indicating that my husband needed to take my dad's place as my protector and provider and primary source of love.  It was like a reminder that my dad's role was done and that this was really goodbye until I should die, myself.  Because this was communicated so clearly in my dream, I don't believe I will ever have an experience like this again.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No      

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  No           

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Shock, doubt, hope, joy mixed with grief (because I saw him and now he was gone), and a little fear and anxiety

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

I had no sense of time at all--not that I was out of time, I just wasn't thinking about it.  The space was odd.  As described above, I was in a white expanse with no sense of distance, no walls, no floor, no ceiling--yet I could walk normally on it and through it.  Only when we reached the pool did I feel a definite sense of space.  It was as if my dad was carrying me back to the time and space of my own world by taking me into the pool.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes

My husband, who is alive (he didn't speak in the dream)

Did you see a light?           Yes

It was just a white, glowing light with no discernable source.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Uncertain      I might have told my husband and a friend or two, but I didn't make much of it, because I didn't want to be laughed at or pitied for being so naive as to believe it was real.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       No.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes