It began with a friend of us who telephoned to me two days after Monika died. She said: I prayed, then I felt deep peace. Then I went to bed, and, half sleeping, I heard Monika's voice. Monika said: "How beautiful is it here. Oh, if I had known this ... It is so beautiful. Don't grieve for me." The friend who told me this did not know when Monika died, she came to know it one day later, but she heard her voice exactly in the hour when she died! I was very happy when I heard this message from Monika, and I had no doubt that it was really Monika who spoke to our friend. From this time I felt better, my grief has become moderated, but I still mourned. 

At funeral of Monika, 4 days after the telephone call, I felt very happy and blissful all day. I felt an immense peace, freedom and lightness, all severity has lost me, and I knew innerly and instinctively: That is Monika, she is with me and don't want that I am mourning and suffering. And the most important: I felt her enormous love. 

It was a hot day, everyone sweated. But I felt all time in the church and at cemetery cool air that surrounded me. I had the impression, that this cool air was not Monika herself, but sent by her. My impression was: Monika is not surrounding me, she can not be localized, she is not in front of me or on my right side, but she is within me. I felt a deep connection with her. 

In church, at the Communion ceremony, when I was kneeling, I saw a picture in my inner eye: Monika and me as engaged couple, holding hand and standing before Jesus in a paradisiacal Landscape. I don't know if this can be called a vision, or if it was only a picture. Normally when I try to imagine some situation, it mostly is blear, but this picture was very clear. 

When we buried Monika, some of the people were crying. I thought: The poor. Monika is living, and they don't know it. I wished I could have tell it to all, but it was not possible, they would not have understood me. 

I don't know if I ever before was so happy. This was one of the happiest days of my life. I am convinced that Monika bestowed it on me. 

Since that day I feel Monika's presence again and again. It is especially in situations when I normally must grieve for her: when I visit her grave; when I had to go to hospital where she got her chemotherapy; when I travel to a city where we spent our holidays. E.g. when I traveled to Europe I felt her presence intensely. But sometimes I don't feel her for weeks, and this is a hard time for me. 

In fall 2009, I was standing in front of her grave and had doubts. I thought: "Perhaps I cannot really mourn. Maybe I didn't love her very much." (This was a silly thought) In this moment, deep grief attacked me for two or three minutes. And so suddenly, as it had come, it disappeared. Intuitively I felt that this was a sign from Monika. It was as if she wanted to say to me: "You silly boy, I know how much you love me, and you know it too. But now forget this nonsense and come back to life." 

In July 2010, I participated in a conference about ADC. On Sunday morning, we attended church. A woman, whose son had died two years ago, was sitting beside me. Thereafter she told to me: She had tried to bear her son in mind, but she always had to think about the name Monika, and she felt her presence. Some days later another woman who has had a near death experience and had become sensitive wrote to me that she had felt Monika's presence. Meanwhile I know both women much better than in July 2010, and I can say: both are reputable persons and never would have tell a lie.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

It is the "inner feeling" which is difficult to describe, the feeling of happiness and bliss, of peace, of freedom, of "being light", of "everything will become good". And it is the feeling of Monika's presence, more or less intense, sometimes with an absolute sureness and without any doubt, sometimes, when the feeling is not very intense, I am not always sure if Monika is with me or not. I do not know how I know that she is here, but I know it mostly.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         Uncertain

I saw Monika in a picture before my inner eye, she and me as engaged couple, holding hand and standing before Jesus in a paradisiacal Landscape. It was like a symbol, maybe a symbolic view into the future.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            It was a clear view, but only before my inner eye.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I saw all of her in the "picture".

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       She was younger, approximately 30 years old.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            She looked healthy. When she died she looked very infirm.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        The first feeling of Monika's presence within me: all day

Repeated feelings of her presence: from some minutes to some hours

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The vision or picture was sudden.

The feeling of her presence can come sudden, sometimes it feels more gradual, so as if it was there all time, but I become gradually watchful to Monika's presence. Perhaps it can be compared with music: Sometimes it is to hear in the background all time, but you are aware of it only when you concentrate on it.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Intense bliss, peace, lightness

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  no

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           It is an inner feeling or certainty that it is absolutely real. It is difficult to describe, I simply "know" it.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No     

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           At funeral of Monika, 4 days after the telephone call, I felt very happy and blissful all day. I felt an immense peace, freedom and lightness, all severity has lost me, and I knew innerly and instinctively: That is Monika, she is with me and don't want that I am mourning and suffering.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

The grief became much less. And I feel: Everything will become good.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was the feeling of Monika's Love! There is no worst part.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I try to develop my love and to become more spiritual. I have become more tolerant toward other beliefs. I visit Catholic church more seldom, but I visit other church services more often. I am more open toward other people. I love more to have friends. Money has lost its value to me more than ever before.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     My fear of death disappeared. I see more and more how important love is. I am convinced that everything will become good.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I am now convinced that everything will come to a good end. I more and more feel and understand the great bond between all people, all life. I am trying to become a better person. More and more I know: The most important thing is love.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt a long time happy and filled with peace.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

My vision and my feeling of cool air surrounding me in hot summer were not witnessed or experienced by others, but twice another person felt Monika's presence when I felt her too: a woman, who had lost her son and have had multiple ADCs with him, and another woman who have had a near death experience and was very sensitive since her own experience.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain

Only a symbolic view that Monika and me will be united in afterlife.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Uncertain

In my vision or picture is saw Monika and me standing before Jesus, but it was only an inner view, and I think a symbolic view into the future.

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            Yes

In my vision or picture before the inner eye Monika and me were standing in a paradisiacal Landscape.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     I told it to some friends and relatives and found out, that amazingly many of them had ADCs. Some of the persons whom I spoke to about my ADC were happy that they now had the chance to speak about their own experience. My impression was, that some of them never had spoken to anyone about their ADC, or only to very few others. Some persons kept silent, and others said, the ADC must have been a fantasy.

My great hope is, that the taboo which surrounds ADCs will be broken in near future. So I created the website http://nachtodkontakte.net. It is (in German) about categories, content and effects of ADC, about studies, related phenomenon (like IADC, Induced after Death Communication, by Allan Botkin), and presents a few personal reports.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            Yes

I discussed it in a grief forum, and I reported it in a conference of the "Netzwerk Nahtoderfahrung" (network near death experience).

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       My great hope is, that the taboo which surrounds ADCs will be broken in near future.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes 

Especially in situations when I normally must grieve for Monica I feel her presence: when I visit her grave; when I had to go to hospital where she got her chemotherapy; when I travel to a city where we spent our holidays. E.g. when I traveled to Europe I felt her presence intensely.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Perhaps this questionnaire can be in other languages in future, so that more people have the opportunity to tell their story.