Claudia P's ADC
I was born to a very intellectual and atheist family.
Many relatives had died before my father, and some of them in very tragic way, but their death had not affected me as my father's did.
I simply was not able to understand anything. The pillars of my world and my comprehension of life, evolution, facts, science, everything, simply collapsed. I saw my father's life like a cassette with no more in it and with no purpose.
My father died after suffering for many years from Alzheimer . Very few of what was him I can recognized during this last years of his life. He expend his last month in bed crying with pain (he had almost no flesh, but bones and skin). The day he died, was very peaceful. He was sleeping (or unconscious) the whole day, I was happy not to hear him cry. During the afternoon his breathing became more slow. I was cleaning my bedroom when my mother arrived and told me my father was gone. I never had seen someone dead before. I hugged him and he was so hard and this was an unexpected and awful sensation.
After the funeral and stressing days full of pain and administrative things oriented to cope with law, tradition and family and burry my dad, I came back to work.
It was two day after my
father died. I do not remember to have been thinking in nothing in particular,
just of having an uncomfortable feeling about facing people who want to tell me
how sorry they feel and provide the customary words for this kind of occasions.
The institutional building where I worked was at the top of a little gardened
hill and was an old building (from the 60's) a little dark and cold. I was
waiting for the elevator at the first floor, when something in the environment
changed. It was as if I was looking at the same room but from another dimension,
from another place or substance (like from underwater, but not exactly), and I
somehow knew my father was there. I said: father? and I felt an intense
presence. I had an strong sensation that he was watching me and wanted
something. The intensity of his presence was so high that was overwhelming and
filled the whole place, the whole environment. The room and everything seemed
not be here any longer, or maybe I was not in that room any longer; it seems to
be the entrance to another and very strange dimension or distant place. I was
shocked, I did not know what to do or to think. I asked myself if this was
only a product of my own imagination, and I answered myself that this has
nothing to do with my imagination or my own elaboration; it was real and
vivid and I have to remember this, if I was going to start questioning all of
this later on. I was so scared that even knowing I had to stay there and go
through the whole event, I climbed to the elevator and ran away and everything
became normal again. Later and until now, I still regret having cut and
abandoned this contact with my recently departed father.
Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I think there are not exist adequate words to express the experience, it is like explain a 4-dimension object with words suitable for a 3 dimensional world.
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? No
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No
Did you see the deceased? No
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No
How long did the experience last? 2 minutes.
Maybe it would last
longer, but I was scared and ran away
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? It was all suddenly
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes
MY father was quiet and observing. I do not think he was happy or sad. I think he just wants to see me for last time. He was an intense presence, he was watching at me. I cannot say exactly what was it.
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? I think it was his intention to say me something, but I gave him no opportunity to do so, because I left the place. I have regretted what I did since then.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: I asked myself at that very moment, if this is real or a product of my imagination and I answer to myself, this is real there in no doubt: remember this.
I asked that to myself,
because I was very skeptic and atheist, and I know that later I am going to
start questioning myself if that was a sort of hallucination, and I want to make
sure that I face that possibility when the experience is going on.
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: I was deeply shocked, alarmed and very frightened. I also felt overwhelmed and at the same time, I felt that this was somehow an amazing and wonderful experience. It was awesome.
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Uncertain
After that, I started having terrible and vivid dreams related to death, strange dreams where I dissolved into many particles covering the entire universe and yet, still existed; and each particle had its own consciousness, my consciousness, and altogether It was also me (I can not explain this properly: I was able to see in 360 ║, and be aware of everything at the same time and reflecting about all at the same time (I know it sounds creepy) ...). Frightening dreams where I was floating in the void immense. I had to take dream analysis sessions with Jungian therapist, and eventually (after reading too (Moody, Kubler-Ross, Morse, Buddhism, and other books) things start to settle back for me in a more normal way; but I still felt very skeptical of myself and of all experiences I had (I was not sure if what I experienced was not just a trick of my mind to make me feel more comfortable with my loss). I decided to go to the Monroe Institute to ensure myself that the after life is really there and somehow the spirit or essence or whatever of what was left of my father survived, after suffering from Alzheimer and then death. Finally had made peace, and somehow assured that my father is there somewhere.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? Best part, it was that this experience opened a window to something I have never suspect or believe can exist.
The worst part was the
scare and not be able to complete it up to its end, being left with the
sensation I lost the opportunity to know something very important to me.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Describe: I became obsessed with death for a while, and that was not good at all.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes I changed my understanding of the world: Now I think that there is also an evolution of consciousness in the same way that there is an evolution of the homo species, and a purpose exists for all of this but not yet clear .
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? N0 comment I do not think my father came to me just to make me fell better or say goodbye. He made that effort to communicate or make me aware of something, that could help my life or my personal (or spiritual) development. Why does he just not simply depart and follow his pathway his fate after 2 days of being dead?
Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, bewilderment.
Also, regret, because I
had to stay there until the end of the event and I did not.
Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes
something changes very deeply, I can not explain exactly but it was my perception
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes
Saw ghost or spiritual beings
Strange dreams (I am
not sure if those were really dreams in thhe way all people understand dreams)
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No
Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? Yes
Later, two years later I perceived and saw dead people in 3 occasions
Did you see a light? No
Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? Yes
It was as it was the same place and a totally different place (and dimension) at the same time.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes With my husband.
He considered my
experience was valuable, and I think this was important to me later on.
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No
Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? No
Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes
Visit of spiritual beings, after my father died.
OBE: During my visit to the Monroe institute (TMI) and after that
communication with my
father during my second visit to TMI
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. No