Before I go into the dream where I had the experience I would like to explain that I had just moved out of my mother's house, where my mother and brother also lived.  I was in college at the time and my brother was very troubled and putting my mother through hell.  I had moved back home from another state to try to help the situation, but I couldn't take it anymore. My brother was on drugs and drinking heavily, and would get in physical altercations with my mother.  He had been arrested for public drunkenness and a DUI, and we had convinced the courts to send him to Rehabilitation, instead of jail.  A few weeks after he was released he overdosed on oxycontin, and the people he was with did not call an ambulance for fear of being arrested.  In other words, they let him die tried to cover this up.  Consequently, they all served jail time for this.   I felt this explanation was needed because my brother and I were very close and I had tried numerous time to help him. There was a lot of grief and anger after his death for me. 

The Dream....

    I was at my mother's house. I was the only one there, and I was walking up the stairs to the front door.  I remember that the light in my dream was incredible and that it was at sunrise. The rays were coming through the window onto my face.  My brother knocked on the front door, and I could see him through the window.  I remember feeling like "it's really is him".  I opened the door and it was the most wonderful feeling I have ever had.  I looked at him and I knew he had passed over and was at peace.  It was my brother but not like he had ever been.  He was beautiful and very calm.  He was wearing all white, I think a robe like garment, and he was glowing with a light that I could see not with just my eyes but with my heart if that makes any sense. 

    I could not speak, I just listened to him.  What's so funny is that his voice was the same and the words he chose were things that only he would say and the way he would say them. 

     He said "I'm ok. It's ok. I wanted to go" and knew in my heart that he really did want to go because we both had had really horrible childhoods and been through a lot.  I knew he suffered from deep depressions, drug and alcohol abuse and a violent temper. 

     Then he said, "I'm sorry about Mom." I felt so choked up I couldn't even speak in my dream and it was like a communication to him with my heart because I didn't speak out loud but he knew what I was thinking, which was...   I was thinking about our lives and how crappy they had been and how pissed off I was about our parents and the divorce and how he died and how angry I was.  And then I remember thinking it wasn't his fault and that I forgave him, and that I wanted him to be at peace and I knew he would be watching over me and that he would be waiting for me when I passed over. All of this happened in a matter of seconds.

      Then a rainbow appeared right behind him and this time he didn't speak out loud but he said "I have to go now." and I responded in my head, "I know."

He turned around and walked into the rainbow and vanished like a mist.  I just stood there and I felt very sad still, but I also felt at peace and I knew he was in heaven with my other family that had passed over.

      I don't remember if I woke up right away or if I woke up with the memory of the dream.  I did wake up however knowing that it was REAL! and wasn't like any dream I had ever had.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          Uncertain

It was a dream, and I dream very vivid dreams and can remember them usually. This dream however was unlike any I have ever had... It was very real and I felt a peace wash over me, and an understanding that passed on information, and had received it from what felt like from somewhere not on this earth. In other words from the afterlife.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I could not speak, I just listened to him.  What's so funny is that his voice was the same and the words he chose were things that only he would say and the way he would say them. 

     He said "I'm ok. It's ok. I wanted to go" and knew in my heart that he really did want to go because we both had had really horrible childhoods and been through a lot. Then he said, "I'm sorry about Mom." I felt so choked up I couldn't even speak in my dream and it was like a communication to him with my heart because I didn't speak out loud but he knew what I was thinking, which was...   I was thinking about our lives and how crappy they had been and how pissed off I was about our parents and the divorce and how he died and how angry I was.  And then I remember thinking it wasn't his fault and that I forgave him, and that I wanted him to be at peace and I knew he would be watching over me and that he would be waiting for me when I passed over. All of this happened in a matter of seconds.

      Then a rainbow appeared right behind him and this time he didn't speak out loud but he said "I have to go now." and I responded in my head, "I know."

He turned around and walked into the rainbow and vanished like a mist.  I just stood there and I felt very sad still, but I also felt at peace and I knew he was in heaven with my other family that had passed over.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  The voice was definitely external from me.  I knew this in my dream this was really my brother.  Certain times he spoke out loud through his mouth, and others in was a sense of knowing what he was saying.  I did not speak through my mouth at all but just with thought.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           When he spoke out loud it sounded exactly like my brother, with the same words he would have chosen and the same inflections in his voice like he was still my younger brother with a slight country twang.  However, when he communicated with a sense of knowing it was like he was different, like he was wise and aged and knowing and looking over me.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No I was alone and asleep in my bed.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   None.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

The deceased was my handsome brother, but his appearance was not just handsome anymore, but beautiful and ageless seeming.  Instead of his sly grin and twinkle in his eye, it was like he was calm and knowing.  His eyes were full of love and understanding.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            He was solid but appeared with a glow that was coming from inside him. When he turned to leave he sort of misted away.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I don't remember seeing his hands or feet. I do clearly remember his head and shoulders and torso, and the rest is kind of fuzzy in my memory but I sensed he was all there.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He was the same age physically, but not spiritually, mentally, or emotionally.

His spirit seemed ageless.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            The only infirmities would be mental instability and depression and I sensed these were all gone. Otherwise he seemed to have transcended into a higher state of being than an earthly body even though it was still his face and body.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        I lasted a few minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The beginning was gradual, and the ending was sudden.  Almost like he was making me feel comfortable in my surroundings, communicated, and then his time was up.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Very at peace, but he did want to communicate with me, but was eager or agitated about the communication.  It was if he already knew I forgave him and loved him, but just wanted me to be ok.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Just that he wanted to go. I took that to be or sensed that he was given an option, and he chose to leave.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           The only thing I can say is it was him, and I felt him at peace.  I felt things with my soul and heart, not my physical body.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Yes  It was in the context of a dream, and I knew I was in a dream.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Shock for a split second when I saw him. Sadness, Anger, then Relief, peace, calm, joy, knowing, forgiveness, and then sadness because he was going again.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I know he's ok and I will see him and he's watching over me and I feel I can still talk to him, there is still a connection.  Also, I think I realize forgiveness is real and necessary here and beyond.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      No worst, the best part was saying goodbye to my brother and seeing him in that form of peace and love.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I am more open minded towards spiritually and other similar experiences.  I also pray to God to guide me on my path.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I don't fear death as much, and firmly believe in the afterlife and God.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I totally believe in afterlife and God and I don't fear death, only the pain of dying.  Im curious and looking forward to the next part of the journey.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Utter joy knowing that was him and he was ok and he wanted to go.  Peace, and then a wave of sadness because I was grieving him and crying for a long time because it was such an emotional experience.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes

Both my sister and mother had similar dreams in which the deceased appeared to them in a scenario personal to the deceased and themselves, in which the deceased said goodbye and assured them he was at peace.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No  I feel as if he came into my time and space.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

I think he confirmed to me another level of existence and of communication.  Also, that forgiveness and love is all its about.  There is a choice for some.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes  I would see him when I passed on.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

I have always dreamed that I protected my brother and mother since I was little.  Especially my brother in dreams where I had to save him from wolves or tornadoes, and I always felt like I was really protecting him in real life.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           Yes

A brilliant sunrise was the lighting, and a glowing coming from within my brother like an aura but it was golden and his clothes were white.  Also there was a rainbow in which he disappeared into.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          No, I stayed in the doorway and he was outside and then it seemed he left to go somewhere I could not follow.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     If the subject arises I will share with others.  The reactions are hard to read, I think people just take it in and I don't probe I just share my experience.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            Uncertain

I probably had been drinking that night, I honestly can' remember, but I was drinking heavily after the death of my brother.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Uncertain 

I have memories of floating above myself, but they are fuzzy and I don't know if it was just a dream.  I feel I have memories of other places and people, like dj vu.  I sense things sometimes, especially phone calls from people very close to me. A couple of times I have sensed things from people I was massaging.  I don't think I'm psychic I just believe in a connection and I know there are so many things we haven't even began to grasp an understanding of.  I just believe in being open to good and love and God, and stay away from the other.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Yes, but I repeated myself a lot, but I appreciate the thoroughness and topics. 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Maybe add a background section to set up the story of the experience and the relationship between the people prior to the death.