I was just thinking about her at the time and imagining what it would have been like to know her when she was young (in college.) I was imagining being of college age and walking up to her and telling her I was her daughter. We look a lot alike and I was thinking about what we might talk about. It was a comforting little fantasy and continued with me telling her to make sure she pays close attention to getting her mammograms. I was picturing her as a 20 year-old. I have a picture on my dresser of her at that age and that was what I was picturing. I was imagining her reaction and trying to convince her of who I was by referring to our looks and giving her facts so she would believe me. I was wide awake (couldn't sleep) and laying on my left side.
Then interrupting my (awake) fantasy was the face of my mom at her current age, (but healthy.) She came at me from my back right side extremely fast and I turned to face her. It wasn't a visual thing but she was there. She said very urgently, "I'm not dead." And it was over and she was gone. I was shocked, but in a comforted kind of way. I lay there unnerved but happy. I feel confident that it was a message from her. I haven't gotten any more.
My fantasy wasn't a dream. I was controlling it and aware of everything around me. I was going over it changing the scenarios as I went through it because it was a comforting thing to do. I was sad but not overly sad. I just missed her and was enjoying thinking about her. Then I had the experience with her zooming in from the back/side and was abruptly interrupted with her at her current age. It wasn't a visual thing but more telepathic I guess. I saw her and heard her but don't think anyone else would have. I wondered afterward if because I was thinking about her so hard and for a certain length of time, if this helped her get through if only for a split second. It was very powerful to me.
Length of time between death of deceased and your experience: within a year
Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience: just got into bed, not able to sleep
Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience: Slight sadness and/or grief feelings
Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience: Fully alert
After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience: Wonderful
you had multiple experiences?
Was this experience difficult to express in words? No
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? Yes
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? No
Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated: My mom said, "I'm not dead." I'm not sure if I heard her voice.
Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? I'm not sure if it was external or internal but it was coming from her and I think it was her voice. There was no question the message was from her. It wasn't just a vague message. They were words. And there were only 3. "I'm-not-dead", very pronounced so as not to misconstrue their meaning.
If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive? I don't think it was external. No one else would have heard it but it was in her voice I think.
Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? no.
Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the
Did you see the deceased? She was healthy and in her sixties. Nothing unusual.
How clearly did the deceased appear? Solid but I think 2 dimensional. I'm not sure. No body just her face and head. It happened so quick. Only a split second. Long enough to say, "I'm not dead. And she was gone.
How much of the deceased did you see? Just her face and head.
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? Around the same age but not sick. She aged a lot when she got sick and she didn't look like that. Just like she looked before she got sick.
How healthy did the deceased appear to be? Healthy. My mom was extremely sick when she died and didn't look like herself. She looked like herself when I "saw" her.
Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? no.
How long did the experience last? split second.
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? Very sudden beginning and very sudden end. She came at me and was there and then gone.
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes
Like she didn't have much time but needed urgently to get her point across. Kind of desperate.
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? I suspected that people don't die but this experience made me more confident of that and she knew I needed to know that.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: I view it as real because it was so unexpected. The message shocked me. It wasn't a dream. It happened so fast and interrupted my thoughts. Believe she would contact me over anyone else because I would pass it along whereas someone else might not. I'll never forget it but wish she would contact me again. I don't think the conditions are right or maybe she's not able.
Was the experience dream like in any way? Uncertain
Only because it wasn't something I feel anyone else could see or hear. But it was unlike a dream in that it happened so fast and made perfect sense (My dreams don't usually make any sense.) and came out of nowhere when I was awake and thinking about something else. It interrupted my thoughts and left me with an understanding of her message and a confidence of knowing it was real.
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: Right before I felt happy because of my fantasy. During the communication with my mom I felt the urgency and shock of the interruption and a "wow" feeling.
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes, but I still have a hard time because I really miss her.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? There was no "worst" part. Wish it lasted longer and I got more information but feel like it was all that she was able to do. Best part is that she cared so much and loves me so much that she made the communication happen. And that she gave me information that would help me. Not just, "I love you." (I already knew that.) It was good information and the message gave me comfort.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Uncertain
I've always suspected that there's life after death.
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes
I believe in the afterlife, although I still fear death and what leads up to death. I fear leaving my children before they're ready for me to leave. I believe in God but still have doubts that I struggle with.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Comfort and a "wow" feeling and of gratitude for telling me that she wasn't dead. I felt happy and relieved.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
I shared it with my dad and my sister. They seemed happy to hear it. I think they believe me. I shared it with a friend and she believed me.
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No
Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Don't take much medication except and occasional aspirin & some vitamins
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No
Sometimes I feel like she's around me but it doesn't last very long and there's no message and I don't see her. It doesn't happen very often. I just kind of feel like she's there. Sometimes I wish I could feel her and I can't so I don't think I'm imaging her.
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain
Questions 13- 18 were a little too restrictive. They need to have explanations underneath them. It was hard to answer some of them. None of the options were exactly right for me.
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. See answer 46.