My son died of suicide on 3rd November 2003. He had been travelling in Europe for several months and was witnessed hanging himself from a railway bridge in Bolognia, Italy after an argument with his girlfriend at around 8.00pm local time.

At around 9.30pm GMT on the 3rd November 2003 I was home in the UK stacking boxes in the kitchen in preparation for an imminent house move. The kitchen was illuminated from the light in the hall shining through the doorway. I began to sense a gradual feeling of my son's presence which built up and stopped me in my tracks.  I could smell my son's unique smell and although I could not see him I had an overwhelming sense that he was in the room with me. I inexplicably experienced the sensation and accompanying sound as if someone had jumped off the work surface directly in front of me. I very briefly heard the noise in my head, of metal zips, keys and jewelry make when rattled by movement and then a sort of swimming sound as though my head was under water.  Very suddenly an icy draught rushed through me and at the same time I heard my son's voice, very clearly in my head say 'Oh, I'm sorry mom' and I simultaneously felt his warm breath and lips kiss me on my left cheek. The experience lasted just a moment and then stillness. It felt as though his soul had passed through me even though I had no reason at that time to even suspect that he was dead.

It was 10 days later that we were officially notified that Robert had taken his life. In the days following my son's death and before official notification whilst still unaware of the terrible tragedy, I did on several occasions further hear my son's voice very clearly call 'Mom! Mom!'. On reflection I think that he was trying to let me know that he had passed and was trying to 'soften the blow' in some way. On these occasions, however, his voice seemed to originate outside of my head. The first time this happened it was around 2pm in the afternoon and I was alone in the office at work, I happened to be thinking about Robert at the time.  I turned to look behind me and expected to see him standing there as this is where his voice appeared to originate.

Another time it was past midnight, I had not long  got into bed when I got out of bed and checked downstairs calling 'Is that you Robert?'. I'd heard him call me at first from beside the bed to my left and then further away as if originating from the hallway. On the last occasion his voice seemed to originate within the room but was fainter and less distinguishable. A couple of days later I received the terrible news of his death and this activity ceased. I had dismissed these messages at the time, putting it down to the stress of moving house, although I did confide in a friend after the first and most significant communication that something strange had happened and that I was worried for my son.

Call it social taboo, but you tend to keep things like hearing voices in your head to yourself. It is on reflection that the significance and purpose of these communications remain with me.  Not only was my son trying to let me know that he was dead and sorry for the grief that would inevitably follow, he provided me with a great source of comfort. Although I am still on the long journey of grief, I have been deeply comforted by the knowledge that my son's consciousness has survived physical death and that his spirit has been able to communicate with me.

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes     Many, however i have just documented the first and most significant of these on this questionnaire

Was this experience difficult to express in words? 

Yes

The unexpected nature of the first and most significant experience and the feeling of time standing still momentarily. It was as though I experienced my son's last moment before leaving the physical behind. Also it is difficult to maintain credibility explaining to people that you have been hearing voices.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:  

Very clearly in my head I heard my son's voice say 'Oh, I'm sorry mom'

On several other occasions before being aware of his death he called 'Mom! mom!' very clearly

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? 

The first time the voice seemed to originate spontaneously inside my head. On later occasions the calling seemed to originate externally.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?          

Exactly my son's voice conveying the emotion and intonation familiar only to him both when he said he was sorry and with the sense of urgency to attract my attention when he called 'mom!'

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          

No

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?  

No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           

Yes

I felt my son's warm breath and then his lips kiss me on my left cheek

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?  

It was my son

            Was anything communicated by the touch? 

a sense of peace

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? 

No

Did you see the deceased?        

No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?     

Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?          

I could smell my son's unique body smell - except amplified almost overpowering

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?    

Yes it was my sons unique odor

            Was anything communicated by the smell?  

That it was unmistakably my son, almost a warmth.

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?       

No

How long did the experience last?       

a moment, almost instantaneously

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

The beginning of the experience began with the gradual sense of my son's presence, his smell gradually building in the room and ended very suddenly with a rush of icy cold air passing through me as his lips touched my cheek and at the same time his voice very clearly in my head said 'Oh, I'm sorry mom'. Then it was over, just a sense of stillness.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          

Yes

On reflection I could sense his regret for causing the grief I was about to experience. He brought love with him and also there seemed to be a sense of urgency to inform me of his death.  Furthermore, I sensed almost as though it was a supreme effort on his part to communicate with me

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? 

I had no idea that my son was dead at that time. It was another 10 days before we were notified of his death here in the UK.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         

The experience was very real, I was hundreds of miles away in the UK oblivious to the fact that my son was no longer alive.  I do not usually hear voices in my head

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

Shock and disbelief at the unexpectedness of it. It was as though I had momentarily entered a different dimension and all of my senses were taken over

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

Yes

The experience has been a great comfort to me knowing that my son's beautiful soul lives on and that his communication with me would be a source of comfort for me during my journey.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

The best part is the comfort the experience has provided me and the knowledge that my son is still communicating with me. The worst part was the initial and logical fear that I was somehow going mad. I doubted the reality of it.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?        

Yes                 Describe:     

I now read eagerly books describing the afterlife, mediumship and explanations of the universal order both as a source of comfort and also as reinforcement that I am not alone in my experience....not mad!

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I believe very strongly now in life after death.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     Yes, I now know from personal experience that life is only temporary and that physical death is not the end and that our soul or consciousness which somehow survives and we are reunited with our loved ones on death.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Uncertain

Since my son's funeral I have asked him for further signs that his spirit is still with me and he never fails to deliver.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes I heard my sons last moment taking place hundreds of miles away in Italy. His death was not officially notified to anyone in the UK for a further 10 days.


What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Immediately following the experience I intuitively worried about my son's safety. On the other hand fearful that I was going mad and that it was all in my imagination. Put it down to the stress of moving home.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

I did mention the next day to a friend that 'something strange had happened' the night before and as a result that I was worried about Robert who was traveling abroad.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

As though time stood still for an instant and my senses were taken over spontaneously

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

I had a sense that ours is not the only physical dimension.

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain

According to the paperwork from the Italian Carabineer my son's death was witnessed at approx 8pm local time, This experience occurred at approximately 9.30 GMT, taking into account British Summer time and the geographic  time difference, at around the time of his death .

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes I am now more spiritually aware

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

It felt as though I became unaware of my own environmental surroundings and my entire consciousness was taken momentarily else where.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Close friends and family. Most are fascinated and outwardly show belief and understanding of  my experience . My mum believes me implicitly, she had an ADC from my dad around six months after his unexpected death, she actually saw him surrounded by a blue light in the bedroom doorway and he spoke to her.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Around a year ago I arranged for a memorial to my son at the local cemetery and scattering of his ashes.  In the car on the way home from this solemn ceremony I turned to my friend and asked 'do you think he was with us?' At that moment the car became filled with the overpowering fragrance of flowers. As though walking into a flower shop. I know that this was my son's way of letting me know he was with me and of sending me his love and comfort. We both said out loud 'I can smell flowers!'

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes