Deborah D's ADC
My step brother Joey, died at age 12 yrs old. It was a sudden unexpected death. He dropped a fire cracker into a free standing gasoline storage tank in a field. Joey and I were best friends. I loved him as if he were my biological brother. My father and Joey's mother had been married about one year when Joey died.
The news of his death came to me over the phone when I had just decided to make a call to my dad to talk. My father answered the phone in tears and sobbing. I asked him what was wrong? He replied with "Joey's dead". I was horrified at what I had just heard. I reacted with disbelief and immediately hung up the phone. I had made the call from an upstairs bedroom. I ran to the staircase and just remember bellowing out with cries and screams. I know I started to loose my balance and fall forward when my mother came running up the stair case towards me. She stopped me from falling as she embraced me. I sobbed uncontrollably in her arms. She asked me what was wrong? I told her what my father had just said to me. About that time the phone was ringing and my mother took that call. It was my father calling to make sure I was alright. He explained to my mother the details surrounding Joey's death.
We had a funeral for Joey a few days later. Still extremely upset and angry at loosing my brother and best friend, I went through each day like a routine I was being lead through. I do not remember smiling or feeling happy not even for a second. I had many moments where I told God privately how angry I was that Joey was ripped from my life. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I would look into the sky at night and notice a star brighter than all the others. Somehow, I felt Joey was connected to that star. I would hear his favorite song play on the radio and tears would immediately roll down my cheeks. I felt stuck in life. Unable to move forward because of this loss and had no knowledge of how to change this. Always sad, always emotional, along with feeling betrayed and always angry. After 6 months had passed and all these feelings still controlling my life, I went to my room and just broke down.
I dropped to my knees and I prayed aloud to God almighty. I was the only one home at this time so I could be as loud as I wanted and I was. All my anger, all my emotion went into that prayer. I told God how unfair it was that my little brother whom I loved with all my heart was just ripped out of my life. I was angry at God for taking him that way and not giving me the chance to say goodbye. I told God how I felt stuck in this life and couldn't find a way to move on. I begged God to give me the chance to say goodbye and to tell Joey how much I loved him. I cried out of control throughout this entire ordeal. Becoming exhausted after an hour or so, I layed on my bed and fell fast asleep.
It seemed like almost immediately, but I can't be sure, there I was walking through a park with bright sunshine on a perfectly warm day. The scenery was brillant and colorful with green grass, trees, shrubbs and beautiful flowers. I looked to my right and there stood Joey next to me. We were holding hands walking together. I told him how upset I had been since he died and how angry I was that I did not get to say goodbye. I needed tell him I loved him so much. He looked at me with sympathy and great understanding. I knew by the look in his beautiful brown eyes that he felt my pain as I did and understood it completely. He told me how sorry he was that I had been suffering over loosing him but that he was ok and I did not have to worry about him.
I told him I loved him so much and he smiled at me. In a split second a voice (it sounded like a mans voice) said it's time for you to come back now. Joey looked as if he knew he had to go but I could see he was struggling with leaving me. I started to panick holding on tightly to his hand saying no, no Joey, you cannot leave me again, not again I can't take it. Tears pouring down my face and desparation in my voice, I saw him consider my feelings and then he was gone right out of my hand. It was then clear to me that life and death are real. Death does not mean an end. It just means we go home. When God calls us home there are no choices to be made, we just go. I had to learn to go on without the physical presence of Joey in my everyday life and know he was in a good place. God gave me what I asked for though. The chance to tell Joey I loved him and to say goodbye. Our sorrow over the loss of a loved one is a tough thing to live with because we are selfish imperfect human beings. It's a struggle. The reality is, the separation is only temporary. It was a lot for me to absorb at 14 but with Gods help, it came easily once I asked for it.I look at death as just going home now. I recently lost my mother to cancer. I miss her terribly but I know she is loved and happy in heaven and this is just another incident where I have to NOT be selfish and thank God for ending her pain. Until we meet again, I will go on.
have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
that you did not have prior to the experience?
response Yes I have. Many other times in my life I have seen events
unfolding in the future or warnings of danger before hand. I was given the
knowledge of an illness involving my father while 1300 miles away from him. I
have had a soft whisper into my left ear saying ,"her husband is going to die"
as a co-worker stood to my right. Within a month, he died.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes My faith became stronger.
How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I seem to spend more time now trying to make others understandwhat I know understand
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I believe differently than I did and because of that, I go through life thinking more openly
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes Some say wow. Some look as if they don't believe me but I don't care about that.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? calm, understanding, peace
What was the best and worst part of your experience? worst part was the 6 months before I asked God to help me. The best was the vision he blessed me with
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes