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Edwina M's ADC

Experience description:  

I was walking along a woodsy one lane road with grass growing in the middle and along the sides of the road.  There were trees overhanging on both sides.  As I crested a small rise in the road, I saw Rachel walking up the other side of the hill towards me, holding the hand of a man.  In the dream I knew I was dreaming, and that Rachel was dead. She was about 11 or 12 years old, and was wearing the  blue dress I had bought her for her Bat Mitzvah.  I ran to her as fast as I could, calling out how much I loved her and missed her.  I enveloped her in a huge hug which she welcomed, as she had not in her recent adult years.  We tumbled into the leaves at the side of the road, me holding her as tightly as I could, our whole bodies close and entwined like lovers' bodies, while I said over and over how much I loved her.  She not only accepted my hug, but welcomed it.  Unfortunately, I talked so much, I didn't give her a chance to say anything, so I don't know what she might have said.   

I then half woke out of the dream to realize I was in my bed, but the feeling of her body in my arms was still very real.  I tried to go back to sleep to recapture the dream, but couldn't, and it seemed to have ended there.  

A couple days later, however, I had a strange follow-up experience. Rachel's boyfriend (a wonderful person) and I needed to make decisions about donating some of her estate to charity.  We made a list of charities we felt she might want to support, and he had sent me links to their websites.  As I connected to the website for the McKenzie River Trust in Oregon where Rachel had lived (Rachel was a competitive white water kayaker) I was completely blown away to find on the opening page a photograph of exactly my dream site!  There was a photo of a road rising to a hill crest.  Along it walked a little blond girl (my daughter had blond hair) holding the hand of a man.  The little girl was younger than my daughter was in my dream, but the man bore similarity to a close friend of mine who died three years ago, had been close to Rachel, and whom I had asked to look out for her in the afterlife after she died.  I was almost spooked by finding this photo of the exact scene of my dream.  I made the decision with Rachel's boyfriend to donate money to the McKenzie River Trust just because of that synchronicity.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No


Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

I enveloped my daughter in a total body hug, we fell to the ground in the leaves at the side of the road, still entwined.  I woke in a few minutes, still feeling her in my arms.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Wonderfully familiar, as when she was younger and not alienated from me.  She welcomed my hug and reciprocated it. It was a return to the time when there was love and trust between us.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  I felt acceptance, forgiveness, and receptivity in that touch, all things I need to move on through my grieving experience.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

She was younger than she was at her death, perhaps 11 or 12, but was wearing the dress she and I bought for her bat mitzvah (and she hardly ever wore dresses) Her hair was in long braids as she wore it at 11 or 12.  She looked very much like herself, except at that younger age.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of her

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       Younger. She was 11 or 12 in the dream, a time when she and I were close.  She died at age 34, after a period of very difficult alienation.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            She was healthy and happy, with no signs of the completely debilitating back pain she suffered from for the years before her death.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        In the dream, it was only a few minutes, probably less than 5 minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         I awoke rather suddenly, and it was over except for the lingering feeling of her remaining in my arms.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

She was happy to see me and receptive to being held by me. She embraced me in return.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  no

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I've had a number of experiences, other dreams and signs, which are so specific as to only be real. I've also had several readings with mediums who have brought very convincing information to me.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Yes

It was a dream, but one in which I was aware I was dreaming, and aware that Rachel was dead, and this was a meeting in the afterlife.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Rachel's death has been the most difficult of my life (and I have had a number of losses)  Losing an estranged daughter to suicide eclipses all other types of losses.  I have had a great deal of support in my grief, but it has been a struggle, and I continue trying to work through her loss even now 15 months later.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

This dream, together with the contact I've had with her through readings have helped me to understand that she is out of pain now, and even after her death has moved towards love and forgiveness in her relationship with me.  The alienation she had maintained from me has been the hardest part of losing her, and healing that is the best thing that has happened since her death. (besides the black lab puppy named Kayak I adopted, and by chance (not!) came to me on the exact date of the first anniversary of Rachel's death, December 28th, 2009.  Rachel raised lab puppies to become guide dogs for the blind. :-)

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      There wasn't any worst - except that it came to an end.  The best was being able to touch and hold my daughter again and tell her how much I love and miss her.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes              

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     It made me more certain that consciousness and communication exist after death, and that troubled relationships can even move towards healing.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     Consciousness survives bodily death.  Communication, and even healing of a relationship, is possible after death.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes I think my finding the picture of the scene of my dream several days later was amazing.  I think it was a message from Rachel that she favored supporting the McKenzie River Trust.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            A combination of hesitation, hardly daring to believe it was real, then, especially after coming across the photo of the scene of my dream,  certainty, believing it absolutely to be real, to relief and happiness that at last Rachel was welcoming me into her life instead of shutting me out.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

I was aware that I was dreaming, and that Rachel was dead, and not at the age she was when she died.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

I  continue to have dreams and signs that I believe are from Rachel.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes

At the time of the dream, I knew there was a man leading Rachel by the hand, but in the dream, I was so focused on her, that I did not pay any attention to him.  But when I saw the photo, and looked at it more closely, I thought it might well be my friend who died a couple years prior, who was something of an uncle figure to my daughter, and who I asked to look out for her.  After this dream experience, he came through in a medium reading to tell me that he was looking our for her because I had asked.

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I share these kinds of experiences cautiously with a few others who are receptive and believe in the possibility they are real.  There are many with whom I do not share.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Thank you for doing such research, and moving the world toward more acceptance.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes