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Eileen D's ADC

Experience description:  

I awoke and looked at the bedside clock which, as I recall, showed a time around 3:10 am.  The house was silent and no lights were on, although our bedroom door was open as we had two young children sleeping in other rooms and I liked to keep an ear out for them if they were disturbed in the night.

Almost without realizing it, I found myself sitting with my legs over the side of the bed, facing the bedroom wall directly beside the open door.  At this point, I noticed a light coming from the landing but didn't seem to register it as strange (no lights were on when we went to bed).  Then I became aware of the light becoming brighter and appearing before me (about 5 - 6 feet away from where I sat) by the bedroom wall I saw a vision of my mother in the clothes she was buried in.

We had a very difficult relationship when I was growing up; she often told me I should have been drowned at birth or that I was going to be put in a home and nobody loved or wanted me (my father was unaware of this abuse as she was always careful to say these things when nobody else was around).  This, obviously, colored the way in which I responded to her throughout my younger years.  She never hugged me or told me she loved me or kissed me ... ever.  As a child I was frightened of her (she would also beat me with a bamboo cane at the slightest provocation) but thought this was how all children grew up.  So you can imagine that when she died suddenly, I felt a sense of relief (although we did have a slightly better relationship once I had married and had children of my own) - I even inspected the embalming incisions on her body when she was at the funeral parlor to make sure she was actually dead and couldn't come back to hurt me any more.

I don't know how long this 'vision' lasted but neither of us moved, yet I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around me and hug me so tenderly.  I have no real recollection of returning to sleep but when I woke the next morning, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  It took me years before I told anyone about it as I had convinced myself that it was little more than a dream, but even now 22 years after the event, I can recall it as clearly as if it happened last night ... something I can never do with dreams.

I am now of the opinion that my Mum came back to me to apologize for all the pain she had caused me in my early years.  I would love the have the chance to see her once more to tell her ace to face that I have now forgiven her (although I am still dealing with the psychological fallout of my upbringing).

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?        No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Yes

Hugged around my upper body

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Unfamiliar - my mother was never tactile with me

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Love

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No (and I've had 22 years to try and work this out!)

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Seemed like many minutes but in reality was probably no more than 30 seconds or so

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Gradual in both instances - a slow arrival preceded by an unfamiliar light and a fading out at the end

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Sadness and love

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  NO

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I've had 22 years to examine and re-examine the events of that night and can come to no other conclusion than it was real

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

My husband was not awakened and he was right beside me in bed - the light emanating from the vision was very bright, so he would normally have woken up being a light sleeper

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I felt 'safe' and cared for

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

After many years I began to accept that my Mum had come back to try and rectify her previously negative behavior towards me.  I began to understand her actions and, ultimately, to forgive her.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The sense of love that the hug provided, coupled with the certain knowledge that there is life after death.  The worst part was when I began to question my sanity regarding the experience!

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No       Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Uncertain      Having been raised a Catholic, I was already indoctrinated into the belief that there is life after death so I don't know if this experience has radically altered that concept for me

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Surprise, disbelief, amazement, sadness, hope

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain

The experience seemed to last quite a while but in essence I'm sure it was no more than about 30 seconds.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?  No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           Yes

A gradual light emanated from the landing into the bedroom via the open door.  It seemed to get brighter and then the image of my Mum appeared with the light still streaming into the room where she stood by the door.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Everyone has expressed the opinion that it was a genuine experience and my Mum did return to offer me some comfort and apology and, whether I believed it or not, it has had a positive effect upon me.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       It is something that will stay with me as long as I live and I am looking forward to the day when I can hug my Mum back at last.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?       Uncertain 

As a child (aged about 2 - 3) we had a friend who lived with us in our house.  Unbeknownst to me, she was taken into hospital and one evening when I was in bed, I heard her call out to me and I got out of bed to go to her bedroom.  My Mum heard my footsteps pad across the bedroom floor and came out of the lounge to find me about to go into our friend's room.  She told me then that the lady was in hospital.  I turned out that she died that evening .. but I definitely heard her call my name.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes