A WEEK AFTER MY SON DIED, I WAS STANDING IN THE KITCHEN BY THE SINK. HIS CAR WAS STILL SITTING OUT BY THE CARPORT AND I LOOKED UP AND OUT THE WINDOW. I SAW HIM SITTING IN HIS CAR, HIS ARM UP AND HAND ON THE WHEEL. HIS FACE WAS TURNED TOWARDS ME/THE WINDOW YET HE WAS NOT REALLY CONNECTING WITH MY EYES. BUT HE WANTED ME TO SEE HIM. I KNOW THAT. IT LASTED A VERY FEW SECONDS. I WAS SO SHOCKED AND SURPRISED AND CONFUSED AT FIRST. I SAID "DENNIS IT WAS ADAM - IN HIS CAR" JUST NOW! I SAW HIM" I KEPT LOOKING OUT, BUT HE WAS GONE. I WENT OUTSIDE TO THE CAR, DENNIS BEHIND ME AND THERE WAS NOTHING. THE DOORS WERE LOCKED AND NOTHING ON THE SEATS. I WENT BACK IN AND GOT HIS KEYS, UNLOCKED THE DRIVERS DOOR. BUT WAS, DIDNT WANT TO SIT IN HIS SEAT. THEN I FELT LIKE A BALLOON THAT HAD SUDDENLY BEEN POPPED..I WAS SO TIRED FROM BEING ALL KEYED UP.

AND I CRIED SO HARD. IT WAS NOT UNTIL 3 MONTHS LATER THAT I SAW HIM AGAIN, BUT IT WAS IN A DREAM.

WE MET EACH OTHER IN A PARKING LOT ON A SUNNY DAY. I WAS GOING TO TAKE HIM FOR LUNCH. HE FIRST SHOWED ME HIS NEW APARTMENT. I SAW THAT IT WAS IN A BIG BUILDING- NICE PLACE AND HE SAID HE LIVED WITH ANOTHER GUY. IT WAS SO WONDERFUL TO SEE HIM. IN HIS LIFE, HE SUFFERED FROM AUTISM. HIGH FUNCTIONING/VERY SMART

IN THE DREAM HE WAS STILL HIMSELF, BUT SO MUCH CONFIDENCE AND HE TALKED SO EASILY WITH ME. I WAS SO GLAD HE WAS FINALLY HAPPY.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?     No  

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   No                                   

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   Yes  

Describe where and how you were touched:     I WAS COMING OUT OF HIS ROOM A FEW DAYS AFTER HE DIED. I FELT A SENSATION ON MY FACE, LIKE A BRUSH OF AIR.

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   UNFAMILIAR  

Was anything communicated by the touch?   IT MADE ME STOP, BUT I DIDNT CONNECT IT TO ADAM UNTIL AFTER I SAW HIM IN THE CAR.

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   NO I DONT THINK SO

Did you see the deceased?   Yes    EXACTLY THE SAME

How clearly did the deceased appear?   VERY SOLID

How much of the deceased did you see?    LIKE WHAT I WOULD SEE IF HE WAS SITTING IN THE CAR. FROM RIB CAGE UP.

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   EXACTLY THE SAME AS LAST TIME I SAW HIM - AGE 19

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?    HE HAD PUT A SHOTGUN IN HIS MOUTH. HIS FACE AND WHAT I COULD SEE WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL AND HEALTHY LOOKING. WHICH WAS SO WONDERFUL BECAUSE I HAD BEEN HAVING NIGHTMARES AND BAD THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW HE DIED.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?    NO

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?    No                

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?   No     NOT WHEN I SAW HIM IN THE CAR. IN THE DREAM I SENSED HE WAS HAPPY AND CONFIDENT

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?   NO

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?    Experience was definitely real    MY DEAD SON LET ME SEE HIM. IT HAPPENED. I SAW HIM. IT WAS REAL TO ME.

Was the experience dream like in any way?    Uncertain    SEEING HIM IN THE CAR WAS NOT LIKE A DREAM, IT WAS REAL. SEEING HIM AFTER THAT IN THE DREAM, MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN A DREAM, OR IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN HIM LETTING ME KNOW IN A LESS DRAMATIC WAY THAT HE WAS OKAY.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?    Yes    BECAUSE I SAW HE WAS WHOLE - THAT HE WAS OKAY

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    THE BEST WAS THAT HE LET ME SEE HIM, WHOLE AND OK. THE WORST WAS THAT HE REMINDED ME OF HOW MUCH I LOVED AND MISSED HIM.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?    Yes    OF COURSE...IT CHANGED MY WHOLE OUTLOOK AFTERWARDS.I KNOW MY BELOVED SON IS ALRIGHT AND HAS MOVED TO A NEW REALM, WHERE EVER OR WHAT EVER IT MIGHT BE   

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?    Yes   

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?    Yes    IF HE COULD SHOW HIMSELF TO ME AFTER DEATH - THEN WE ARE AN ENERGY AFTER DEATH.    UNCERTAIN OF THE QUESTION

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?    No    WITNESSED NO, BUT EXPERIENCED YES. THERE WAS ADAM'S FRIEND IN THE KITCHEN WITH ME. HE REALIZED SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED DUE TO MY REACTION.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?       No   

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?        No    NOT UNTIL HE DISAPEARED - I KNEW HE WANTED ME TO SEE HIM. KNEW IT.

Did you become aware of future events?           No   

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes    YES, AND STILL DO

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    Uncertain    I FELT AS IF I WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE SINK THE WHOLE TIME.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?    No   

Did you see a light?    Uncertain    I DONT KNOW WHAT MADE ME LOOK UP. THERE WAS NO LIGHT - BUT HE WAS THERE FILLING UP THE SPACE OF THAT FRONT SEAT

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?   No   

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    DENNIS WAS THERE AND WAS AFFECTED BY MY REACTIONS. MY BEST FRIEND WAS SO GLAD TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. I TOLD THE GIRL I WORKED WITH, BUT HER REACTION WAS GUARDED. I TOLD MY BROTHER, WHO FELT THAT I WAS JUST GRIEVING, BUT NOW HE HAS HAD AN EXPERIENCE OF HIS OWN, BELIEVES ME.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?    No    IT IS TOO HARD EVEN NOW..I WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED TO DO THIS WHEN IT HAPPENED- JUST TOO RAW. I CRY AS I WRITE FOR THIS SURVEY EVEN 13 YEARS LATER.   

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    No   

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes    WHEN I MOVED OUT OF OUR HOUSE. A YOUNG MAN I HAD NEVER MET HELPED MY BROTHER BRING BOXES OVER TO THE NEW CONDO. WHEN LIVING, I HAD ASKED ADAM TO HANG AN ANGELS PICTURE IN OUR BATHROOM. IT KEPT FALLING DOWN. I FINALLY SAID "ADAM CANT YOU GET THAT PICTURE TO STAY ON THE WALL" THAT PICTURE WAS SITTING IN A BOX. THIS YOUNG MAN, PICKED THAT PICTURE OUT OF THE MOVING BOX AND WALKED INTO MY NEW BATHROOM. I WENT DOWN THE HALLWAY AND ASKED HIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HE SAID "THIS PICTURE GOES IN THE BATHROOM" AND HE SEEMED A BIT CONFUSED. I REALIZED WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED. I BELIEVE IT WAS ADAM LETTING ME KNOW, HE KNEW WHERE I WAS.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      Yes    MY BROTHER TIM DIED LAST YEAR. A FEW DAYS AFTER HE DIED, IN MY SLEEP I WAS DREAMING I WAS SHOPPING AND STANDING BY A TABLE. I WAS PULLED OUT OF THE DREAM AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS TIM - DRESSED BEAUTIFULLY, HAD ALL OF HIS HAIR, AND WAS STANDING BY ANOTHER MAN WHO SEEMED LIKE HE WAS IN CHARGE SOMEHOW. I WANTED TO REACH UP AND HUG TIMMY BUT THE OTHER MAN MADE ME REALIZE THAT I SHOULD NOT. THEN IT WAS OVER. BUT I REMEMBER BEING PULLED/LIKE A VACUUM TUBE AND THEN WAS IN THEIR PRESENCE.