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Fiona K's ADC

Experience description:  


There are too many to detail but they include him telling me something was wrong before we were told and even the week before he died knowing something was to happen - this has happened to me once before but not involving tragedy in my own family directly - on the night I had been told I wore his coat and felt it tighten and similarly when we brought home his clothes his cardigan did the same - on arrival in France at breakfast in the hotel before the worst day with the police and undertaker and insurance man I heard music on the player but not loud enough to be sure it was a song I have actually recorded about drowning in the deepest ocean - I got up to go nearer to check and it was the song and on the display the first thing I saw was the word welcome then a long dark gap and the word dock - then another long gap and the words boost sound.

Michael's favorite song that he asked me to play was Sitting on The Dock of The Bay - he died sitting on the dock of the bay looking at what he had achieved - his last facebook message to me was telling me to listen to his new favorite song with the sound as loud as it would go in the dark - I hadn't done it because he wanted me to use headphones and I hadn't got any - he kept asking had I done it  - I did when I went home. I was so shocked at the display I actually went back to the table and got my I phone to take pictures of the words - when my daughter came down I told her and showed her and we went back to the cd player - there was nothing remotely like it on it and the display was whizzing across really fast yet this was only a minute later.

When we went to the yacht he had fallen from we placed flowers in the water where he had fallen in and been found . Each person placed a rose into the water at the same place and they followed the current and direction he had been brought out from under the yacht towards the quay - all except the captain's - his was placed in exactly the same spot and went in the opposite direction against the current out into the bay. Everyone was shocked and laughed because there was no explanation as to how it could do that. We laughed and said it was Michael playing tricks on the captain. Now I believe there is more to it than that and the captain was guilty of not being properly on night watch when Michael fell in. In addition we were told the boat cameras had not recorded it properly despite a million pound refit. We suspect there is more to it than meets the eye regarding supervision and safety and Michael was trying to tell us but at that particular time we did not know details, we just thought in the captain's words it was bizarre.

In the police station the officer had 2 posters and a flag on his wall, one of a skeleton and Halloween - Michael's favorite film was Nightmare Before Xmas about Halloween and Jack Skellington , a poster about travelling guitars, which was another of the last exchanges Michael and I had had about which travelling guitar to buy and the 6 feet long flag was black with a white coffin in the middle and nothing else. We had been trying to decide what color coffin, white, blue or purple. We all came out of that room knowing he wanted white and that he wanted U2 at his funeral - the policeman's name was Bono.

On board the yacht when we were retrieving his personal belongings I became very upset and went to the bathroom. This is a super yacht with guests like Catherine Zeta Jones and Leonardo Di Caprio so the bathroom was palatial and while I was in there the sound system came on. It had been silent when I went in. A track Michael introduced me to came on Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls - the first lines are " And I'd give up forever to touch you cos I know that you feel me somehow I'm the closest to heaven that I've ever been and I don't want to go home right now" From crying desperately I was stopped in my tracks. I listened till it finished then went to find out how that track had been put on. None of them knew the track - it was complete coincidence that there had been no music but then that track. That song has now arrived more than 20 times at random points in the last few weeks. I'm sure he keeps sending it to say he is still around.

When we returned to France the second time and finally saw Michael in his coffin in Nice he smelled pretty dreadful because by then it was a fortnight since he had died. I didn't mind but the others couldn't stay with him. I decided to squirt him with my Chanel No 5 to make him a bit more pleasant while I sang and talked to him and gave him all the kisses everyone had sent. Ever since then despite the fact I have two bottles of Chanel no 5 I frequently now get the smell of him when I put it on and even when I walk into a room now with others who cant smell it, I smell his smell from his coffin. I have almost become addicted to it because it can only be him and I stop to breathe it in now when I smell it.  Giraffes have featured highly in events - they were a thing Michael had drawn since he was little and again when I was at my most upset in France particularly on 3 occasions I looked up to see a giraffe, even in the airport when I collapsed as we put his belongings onto the weigh in at the desk and in an estate agents after I had dropped my bag and was crying in the street. 

On the first night we were there as I walked his last walk and started crying I turned the corner to find a giraffe shop full of giraffes. Even my daughter stopped crying and looked at me. His piece de resistance was at his funeral though. Taste The Rainbow had been his phrase like the Skittles advert - rainbows have become a big thing and on a dreadful rainy grey day as we gathered in the church for his farewell the sun came out and after the sad farewells rainbows danced all round his coffin for about 10 minutes to the point where the whole congregation was nudging and we were laughing instead of crying. I also believe he used his friend Cory to tell us something else he wanted at his funeral. He had worked at the local water sports bay as an instructor and always loved the old cannon on the jetty. The centre asked us if we wanted to have it fired as part of his farewell but we said no - we didn't want a fuss.

The night before his farewell his best friend "brother" was crying with me by his coffin discussing the next day. He asked what jetty the boat was going from - whether it was the one with the cannon. I told him we had been offered a firing but turned it down and Cory immediately said you have to change it - Michael loved the cannon and always wanted to fire it. I wasn't supposed to be with Cory to have that conversation. We rang and got it organized and the firing gave us a truly comical moment as the poor undertaker hadn't been told and jumped out of his skin as it thundered out across the bay. He thought the boat had been blown up. Again everyone involved laughed. It was if he was going to lengths to stop us all being sad. These I have reasoned/decided are coincidences in some cases but the sheer number of them over the first few weeks totalling 60 now and a wonderful one this week to his very skeptical dad for Fathers Day have me wanting to believe yet not really believing.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

They are too bizarre and unbelievably coincidental yet believable that Michael is doing this

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?       


Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Uncertain

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I truly believe he has been speaking to me through music - highly selective words at very specific moments and I have been aware enough to notice them - that is what is scary!

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?            again it is through the music

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Yes

In his coat and in his cardigan - they actually tightened without me moving

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   It was wonderful - he used to hug me when he came home and it was just the same - he had big arms and I am quite small and the jacket and cardigan did the same thing they enfolded me even round my shoulders

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  that he was comforting me

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           the smell of him in his coffin continues to suddenly surround me , when I wear my perfume but also at times when I don't . I'm addicted to it. It often happens when I am crying.

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     the smell of him in his coffin mixed with Chanel no5 and sometimes just the coffin smell

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   it just immediately reminds me of him and that he may still be here looking out for me

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?     no

How long did the experience last?        usually a minute or so

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         it is usually quite sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  the flower incident has really made us question events - at first we thought it was just weird but as events unfold and we find out more it is almost as if he is trying to tell us to dig deeper and the further we dig the more stroppy the yacht gets

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:            concrete tangible experiences and in some cases witnessed or experienced by others

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No    

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           The incidents almost always stop me crying or being sad and similarly those with me

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Absolutely - I never believed in any of this but every time something happened it helped me at the time and has continued to help me have the strength to get through these awful weeks. We still have an inquest to come and ashes and much to sort but I truly believe now Michael will try his best to help.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      comfort is the best and the thought it might not be real is the worst

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:            I'm constantly aware now he could be around - my daughter and husband did not believe any of this but they too now think it is all so bizarre it could be true and they too have started to take comfort from what is happening

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     I'm questioning everything including my sanity!

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?   Uncertain      beginning to wonder about spirits but not associated with God or heaven

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?     Yes the flower and the cd player and the music and the rainbows - I have photographs

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            happy and even laughing and glad that he is here trying to help

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes

Several have been including at the place he died, at the hotel when I could take a photo, at his funeral

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?            Uncertain

it has made me question what i believe about death afterlife and between

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes

twice this has happened - once a long time ago about an accident which I witnessed minutes later - and also with my son - I was in a state the week before he died and said I felt something awful was going to happen but at that point there was absolutely no reason to think it would - my partner witnessed this

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?  No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           Yes


Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          they have happened all over the place

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Amazingly lots of people have told me of similar things - I cant quite believe how many people it has happened to and know about it yet I was oblivious - thought it was all rubbish

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       I'd love to believe it is happening but I'm an intelligent girl loking for a rational explanation

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?       Yes 

My dad did something weird when he was dying - that was probably what made me open to Michael - my dad had been paralysed and on morphine and incapable of speaking or moving for the last few days before he died of cancer then suddenly sat bolt upright with his arms stretched out saying im coming its ok ive told them im coming - he lay back down and died later that night.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes