I had returned home from work one pleasant summer evening some weeks after the loss of my son.   The loss has caused me terrible grief but I am a fighter and was and am determined to manage that grief by living a positive life.   At this time was in a fairly positive frame of mind, relaxed.   I went up to Freddy's room which adjoins his brother's room (it was still daylight).   I can't recall exactly what I was doing but I may have been passing through that room to put some clean linen on Freddy's brother's bed.   I was suddenly aware of a beautiful shimmering light in the corner opposite the window.   It was approximately six foot high and about eighteen inches wide and looked rather like reflected light on water, moving, shining and very vivid.   I wasn't startled, just puzzled, and looked out of the window to see what was causing it: perhaps some car headlights (although it was daylight).   There was nothing external causing this light and as I turned back towards it, it faded.   I was left with a feeling of tremendous love and peace.  Some weeks later I had a half-awake dream when I saw the same light in the corner of my bedroom (this is just the other side of the wall where I saw the first light).   Again I got a feeling of love and peace.   I truly believe that it was Freddy's spirit returning, perhaps for one last look at his home and send his love to his family.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            Uncertain

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        About 90 seconds.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         I'm not sure about the beginning because the light may have been in the room already but it faded fairly quickly.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Great love.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I've had many dreams which seemed special and related to my deceased son - they could be explained as "just dreams" although I believe they are more than that.   I've also had sensory experiences which might be explained away.   I can't explain away the beautiful light.   I saw it and was in a completely calm and sober frame of mind, so I sincerely believe it was real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No     

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Initially fascinated by the beautiful light, quickly puzzled as to its origin, then happy, calm and peaceful.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

The event gave me quite a long period of comfort and peace from my grief, and I find I can return to it in my journal for solace.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was the beauty and comfort that it brought to me.   The worst part is that I now hunger to see it again because I feel it will bring me and my son closer.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:            Possibly not directly but see 37. I definitely feel I am on a spiritual journey which may or may not be as a direct result of the experience.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     The experience confirmed my belief in an afterlife.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     It confirmed my belief that death is part of life, part of a continuum and that there is an afterlife. It also confirmed my belief that we are all part of something much greater and all linked even beyond death.  My belief in God is that God is not an entity but something much greater and I find the narrow religious view of God impossible to accept.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Love, calm and peace.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

I have since started to study to become a Healer and am told I have psychic and spiritual qualities.

Did you see a light?           Yes

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            Yes

As I said above, I saw the light again during a half-dream some weeks later.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Most people I have told seemed to think it was a wonderful experience (or were they not telling me they think I am mad).

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Not until my son passed away.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

I don't feel I can add any more. 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    It was excellent, except for the part about God.  Not all believers in a common spirituality believe in God so the two are not linked in my mind.