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Gina D's ADC

2 Experiences

Experience description:  

I was deeply asleep and had been for approximately 3-4 hours when somehow in my sleep I was aware that I could hear my own voice in my head.  I spoke into the darkness, as there was nobody there, no images of any kind, no people, no scenery, and I said, "I miss you."  At the time, I wondered who I spoke to, but I was still asleep.  My deceased son's voice came back from the darkness, again, I did not see his face or anything except the darkness, and he simply said, "I miss you too."  When I heard his voice (in my head), I physically moaned, and this noise is what woke me.  I sat up immediately filled with grief and longing for my son, but even in this state realized that I had experienced something unusual, because I had never had a "dream" that did not contain images or scenery of some sort.  I cried for awhile and was able to go back to sleep some time later.  I started counseling a few months later and told her about it, calling it a "dream with no pictures".  She questioned me a bit about it and told me she wasn't sure it was a dream.  I really thought I was going nuts until I told her and she confirmed to me that communication like this is possible.  This was the first experience or dream of any sort that I had had since he died.  I since have had one dream about it, but it was very easy to analyze.

I have been communicating, although I have not yet been able to bring myself to attend a meeting with The Compassionate Friends locally, and was on their website when I stumbled across this link.  I am thankful that I did, although of the stories I have read so far, I am the only one who has a "darkness" experience like mine.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes


The fact that there were no pictures in my head and I was asleep.  No faces, no scenery, just darkness.  The only communication was my own voice into the darkness, and my son's voice back from the darkness.  I found it interesting that at the time I heard my own voice I did not know to whom I spoke.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:      I heard his voice in my head, not with my ears, while I was asleep.  He replied to my own voice in my head, not vocally telling him that I missed him.  He responded "I miss you too."

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?         His voice was in my head while I was asleep.  It was the same as I heard my own voice in my head.  The only verbal sound was the moan that I made after the experience that woke me up.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?         It was his own normal voice.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?      No

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?          No          

Did you see the deceased?        No
           
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No         

How long did the experience last?       A few seconds. 10-15 maybe

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        I was asleep and have no memory of a dream or anything before I heard my own voice say "I miss you."

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes  He sounded sincere but not really sad.


How do you currently view the reality of your experience?         Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I was there, I heard his voice, I felt the emotion, I don't think it can be considered a dream since there was nothing visual. I heard the emotion of sincerety in his voice, but not sadness, and that relieved me.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  Uncertain

The vocals were similar to how they would be in a dream.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:         Even in my sleep I was questioning who I was speaking into the darkness to, and was surprised when I heard him respond.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Uncertain

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The best part was knowing, not just wondering or thinking that it was possible to communicate with my son's spirit.  The worst part was that it was over before I realized what was happening, and how sad I was when it was over.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Uncertain    

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
            Yes    I am thankful to know that though brief, we were able to communicate and am hopeful that it will happen again.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?          No      I already had those beliefs.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?      No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          I was stricken with grief and longing for my son.  It was the first time I had heard his voice since he had died. I was confused as to the whole experience at first, because of the darkness, and because I said I miss you and didn't know who I was saying it to.  I have never had another experience like this while I was asleep or awake where I heard voices but did not see images like in a dream.


Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    Usually the reaction is Wow!  They always think I was dreaming until I stress that there were no images.  I have not shared it with a lot of people, just my counselor and those closest to me.   I am not sure if they were influenced.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?  No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

2nd Experience description:  

I had my son's body cremated, with no showing and held a memorial service, some would call a wake, 5 days after he died.  He died on impact, so it was severely traumatic to accept.  My family came to Florida and were at my apartment on the day before the service.  We were all walking through the living room area, the three of them in a cluster because they were heading towards the patio, and I a few feet away because I was going to lie on the sofa.  My brother, in an excited voice says, "Look at that bird, it looks like it wants to come in!"  All heads turned toward the patio door where a mourning dove was batting its wings at the screen.  It then perched itself in my Peace Lily sitting right outside the door and started to call out, looking directly at me, in fact it appeared to be looking FOR me, bobbing its head around and cooing as I had never heard a dove do before.  It was as if my family and I realized all at the same time that something unusual was getting ready to happen, but nobody said a word.  Time froze.  My family knew the dove wanted me, and I knew the dove wanted me. 

My family stopped walking, and I, mesmerized by the dove and its calling to me, walked like a bride, ever so slowly, one pace at at time, afraid I would scare it.  When I got to the patio screen, the dove still cooing DIRECTLY to ME and keeping eye contact with me, jumped up on the highest and closest place it could get to my face, which was the handle of the barbeque grill.  Without looking I knew my family were still in their original frozen places watching, and I could hear them quietly sobbing while they watched.  They too felt what I felt and heard what I heard when the dove and I got as close as we could get to each other and sang its song, we heard with our hearts and with our minds, "I AM FREE AND I AM AT PEACE!".  My knees buckled and I had to hold the wall to remain standing.  I physically felt like I was glowing and as if warm water was being poured over my body.  I sobbed with relief, I sobbed with grief, I sobbed with thankfulness.  My sister finally came up behind me and whispered in my ear, "You know who that is don't you?"  I could only nod. When I turned around my big gruff brother was crying like a baby.  All four of us embraced and told each other we loved each other and we are one of the most dysfunctional families ever. lol  We were so touched by the experience that  we couldn't talk about it, just couldn't find words. 

We tried the next afternoon to describe it to my son who was in the other room, but just couldn't.  I have only shared this with my therapist and a couple of close friends.  It is very difficult to explain and even this doesn't do it justice.  My sister later told me she wanted to giggle, that her soul felt free and full of joy. Each one of us got the same thing out of it, yet something different as well, each touched as we needed to be.  The dove stayed around the patio all that day, and was there the next morning while we readied to go to my son's memorial service.  I don't know how to explain it, but somehow that dove was both the spirit of Christ and my son communicating with us.  I know that God showed me that around my family because I would doubt it later.  I would think I was hallucinating or I had a nervous breakdown.  It was so powerful and life changing.  My sister told me recently how grateful she was that she was there and witnessed it.  I have since had a palm of a hand to represent the hand of Christ tattooed on my back with a dove landing in it.  The dove has a ribbon in its beak with Matthew's name and birth date on one side, and Psalm 55:6 on the other.  Psalm 55:6 reads: "Oh! That I had sings of a dove, I would fly far away to my place of shelter and rest!".  My best friend's daughter who was at the service, and was also the first girl that Matthew ever kissed gave me that verse after the service that day as a confirmation.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes


There aren't really words to describe the feelings and emotions, and the fact that all four of us felt the exact same things although none of us spoke a word.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?

Uncertain

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?         It was not audible, but all four of us "heard" the same words.  We heard it in our heads and in our hearts, with our spirits. I guess you could say we had sense of knowing what was communicated, because there really wasn't a voice.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?         Really was not a voice, it was more like we all knew without hearing.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?      No

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?          No

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?         No

Did you see the deceased?        Uncertain

It was my son communicating me through the form of a mourning dove.
 
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No

How long did the experience last?       It felt like time froze.  If I had to guess, I would say 6-7 minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?          Gradual

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

He was there to specifically tell me that he was "Free and at Peace"

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?         Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I had witnesses.  I think it was planned that way for a reason.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:         I felt peace, comfort, hope, and I missed my son. I was overwhelmed with what was happening.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Yes

I believe with all of my heart that God sent that dove to me as a sign to let my boy know that he was with him now and ok.  He also let my boy talk to me and let me know that he had what he had craved, freedom and peace.  This experience has given me something to hold onto and has helped me tremendously in dealing with my loss.  I believe that it is a temporary separation and that my boy will be waiting for me when it is my time to join him.  It also bonded my family and healed some relationships that needed it desperately.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    Knowing that my God and my son could communicate with me.  That my son is alive and my God cared enough to let me know he was with Him and ok.  The worst part is that it had to end.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Uncertain    

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
            Yes    If there was ever a doubt about God of an afterlife, there is none now.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?          Yes    It made me believe more than ever that God loves ME and is watching over ME and how special I am to him.  He knew to send me the dove when my family was here, because I needed it, they needed it, and WE needed it.  Before I wanted to believe in afterlife, I hoped for it, I had faith as much as I could, but after this experience, I have PROOF of it.  Nobody can take that away from me.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Same as above.  I still do.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          Yes

My brother first noticed, then my mother, sister and I.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

Have you shared this experience with others?        Yes    They were amazed and encouraged.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No