THE FIRST EXPERIENCE 3 DAYS AFTER HER DEATH WAS SHORTLY AFTER I HAD FALLEN ASLEEP, I WAS AWAKENED BY HEARING SOMEONE SAYING MY NAME, AS I ROLLED OVER TO SEE WHO WAS THERE, I FELT SOMEONE TOUCH MY BARE FEET. I JUMPED UP STARTLED ONLY TO FIND MY MOTHER AT THE FOOT OF MY BED. AS I GASPED IN DISBELIEF, MY SISTER THEN JUMPED UP FROM HER SLEEPING POSITION AND THE TWO OF US WHERE FROZEN IN DISBELIEF. SHE THEN TOLD US HOW SORRY SHE WAS AND THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH US WHEN WE NEEDED HER.

THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, AT THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES, SHE WOULD ALWAYS COME TO ME IN MY DREAMS AND TALK WITH ME. I REMEMBER NEVER WANTING TO WAKE UP BECAUSE OF HOW SECURE AND CLOSE I FELT IN THOSE DREAMS. AS I GOT OLDER, INTO MY TEEN YEARS, SOME OF THOSE TALKS TURNED INTO ANGRY DEBATES AND I WOULD WAKE UP ANGRY SOMETIMES. AT ONE POINT IN MY EARLY TEENS, I HAD STARTED DABBLING WITH THE OCCULT, FIRST BOOKS, OUIJA BOARDS, AND THEN SPELL CASTING AND AT ONE POINT I REALIZED I HAD SOMEHOW ATTRACTED SOME VERY UNPLEASANT FORCES. STRANGE THINGS STARTED HAPPENING IN MY PRESENCE AND TO ME OR PEOPLE WITH ME. I GREW VERY SCARED AND THOUGHT THAT THESE FORCES WOULD EVENTUALLY KILL ME OR FORCE ME TO KILL MYSELF. I REMEMBER SITTING IN MY ROOM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND AND CRYING, ASKING MY MOTHER TO HELP ME WITH THIS. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I GOT MYSELF INTO AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET AWAY FROM IT. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING INSANE. SHE CAME TO ME THAT NIGHT AND TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO FIND MY FAITH IN GOD AND SHOW NO FEAR TO "THEM". I NEEDED TO START PRAYING AND STAND UP TO THEM NO MATTER WHAT. MY BELIEF IN GOD AND COURAGE WERE THE ONLY THINGS THAT WERE GOING TO MAKE THIS STOP SHE SAID.

SHE SAID I WILL NEVER BE ALONE DURING MY BATTLE WITH THEM, SHE WILL ALWAYS PROTECT ME AND GUIDE ME IN THE RIGHT WAY. I HAVE BATTLED MANY "FORCES" THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, AND WITH EACH ONE I ALWAYS FELT HER WITH ME. I WAS A VERY SHY AND WITHDRAWN CHILD, THAT WAS ALWAYS "AFRAID". AFRAID OF THE DARK, THUNDER AND LIGHTENING, AND WENT THROUGH A PERIOD OF TIME WHERE I WAS SO OBSESSED WITH DEATH AND A FEAR OF DYING OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO ME DYING, THAT I WOULD HAVE PANIC ATTACKS AND TREMBLE AND VOMIT. I WAS AN EMOTIONAL RECLUSE OF A CHILD AFTER SHE DIED. I WAS ALSO BEING RAISED IN MY GRANDPARENTS HOME, WITH BOTH GREAT-GRANDPARENTS LIVING THERE AS WELL. MY GRANDPARENTS WERE VERY BAD ALCOHOLICS WHICH MADE MY VERY YOUNG LIFE EVEN MORE INSECURE, ISOLATED AND DAMAGING. WHETHER THE EXPERIENCES I HAD WERE COPING MECHANISMS OF A VERY PSYCHOLOGICALLY TRAUMATIZED CHILD, OR THE REAL McCoy, THEY ARE WHAT HELPED ME THROUGH EVERY DIFFICULT LIFE EVENT.

I AM SO USED TO LISTENING FOR "HER VOICE" WHEN THINGS ARE BAD. I CALL IT MY "GUT" FEELING, BUT I KNOW IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, IT IS HER. THE IRONY OF THIS IS I CHOSE TO BE A SCIENTIST AS MY VOCATION- IN SPITE OF MY "NO SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION" OF MY AFTERLIFE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER. AFTER MY OWN EXPERIENCE OF BECOMING A MOTHER, I BECAME QUITE ANGRY WITH HER ABOUT THE WAY SHE WAS BEFORE SHE DIED. SHE WAS A YOUNG, DIVORCED MOTHER OF 2 GIRLS. SHE DUMPED US ON HER PARENTS TO GO "FIND" HERSELF AMONGST THE HIPPIE CULT LIFESTYLE OF THE 1970'S. IN THE MIDST OF LOOKING FOR HERSELF, SHE NODDED OFF ON THE COUCH WITH A LIT CIGARETTE. ONLY SHE WAS TOO HIGH ON DRUGS TO REALIZE IT. WHEN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT ARRIVED, THEY FOUND HER STILL LYING ON THE COUCH, LIKE SHE WAS STILL SLEEPING- ONLY SHE WAS DEAD. MY SISTER STILL CARRIES THE GUILT OF NOT BEING THERE SAVE HER. SHE THINKS IF WE WERE THERE, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WAKE HER AND SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE TODAY. I OFTEN WONDER IF WE WOULD HAVE DIED WITH HER IF WE HAD BEEN THERE.

 I DO FEEL THAT MOM FELT OVERWHELMING GUILT FOR WHAT SHE DID AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HER DEATH, LEAVING TWO SMALL CHILDREN BEHIND IN LIFE, AND THEN UNEXPECTEDLY IN DEATH. THAT IS WHY SHE CAME TO US THAT NIGHT, AND STILL COMES TO ME NOW. THERE ARE SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE THAT SHE HAS BEEN THERE AND HELPED ME. IT FEELS WEIRD TO ACTUALLY SAY THAT OUT LOUD ABOUT MY DECEASED MOTHER WITHOUT FEARING SOMEONE WILL RENDER ME DELUSIONAL AND MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR SOCIETY. IN SCIENCE, WE ARE TRAINED TO RATIONALIZE WITH LOGIC, AND REASON, AND METHOD. I HAVE TRIED OVER THE YEARS TO RATIONALIZE THE EXPERIENCES I'VE HAD SINCE CHILDHOOD AND MY MOTHERS DEATH. I CAN'T CONVINCE MYSELF ENOUGH TO BELIEVE MY OWN DISMISSIVE LOGIC. IT IS AS REAL IN MY HEAD TODAY AS IT WAS ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. AS FOR THE "FORCES", THEY STILL COME AROUND FROM TIME TO TIME TO TEST ME WHEN I'M MY MOST WEAK AND VULNERABLE. AND WITH THE GRACE OF GOD AND MY MOM TO GUIDE ME, I'M A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!

Was this experience difficult to express in words?

No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     

CLEAR CONVERSATION- SEE ABOVE EXPLANATION

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?        

THE FIRST TIME IT WAS EXTERNALLY, THE OTHER TIMES WERE IN DREAMS OR WAS "A VOICE IN MY HEAD"

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?        

HER VOICE

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?     

NO

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?

NO

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         

Yes

ON MY FEET, LAYING IN BED

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? 

FAMILIAR, I KNEW IT WAS HER BEFORE I ROLLED OVER TO SEE

          Was anything communicated by the touch? 

YES, SEE ABOVE

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        

NO, HAD A WITNESS TO IT

Did you see the deceased?       

Yes

LIKE SHE WAS ALIVE STANDING THERE PHYSICALLY, THEN GRAYED AND FADED OUT TILL SHE WAS NOT VISIBLE

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            AT FIRST, SOLID, THEN TRANSPARENT TILL FADED

            How much of the deceased did you see?       ALL OF HER

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            YES, SHE WAS THE AGE WHEN SHE DIED

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            SHE LOOKED LIKE HERSELF- NO BURNS FROM THE FIRE WERE VISIBLE

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           NO

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?  

Yes

          What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?       

PATCHOULI OIL- THAT WAS HER FAVORITE SCENT TO WEAR

          Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?  

YES. IT IS WHAT SHE ALWAYS SMELLED LIKE WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE

          Was anything communicated by the smell?  

IT ACTUALLY COMFORTED ME

          Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?         

NO ONE ELSE IN MY HOME AT THE TIME WOULD WEAR SUCH A "HIPPIE" SCENT. MY GRANDMOTHER ONLY WORE EMERAUDE PERFUME

How long did the experience last?      

THE FIRST ONE WAS FOR A FEW MINUTES

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         

THE BEGINNING WAS STARTLING. I WAS A YOUNG CHILD AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME. WHEN I SAW MY MOTHER AT THE FOOT OF MY BED, IT SCARED ME. I DON'T THINK I WAS ABLE TO WRAP MY BRAIN AROUND THE FACT THAT MY DEAD MOTHER JUST STROKED MY FEET PHYSICALLY AND IS STANDING THERE TALKING TO ME AND MY SISTER.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?         

Yes

SORROW, GUILT, SADNESS, REGRET

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? 

SEE ABOVE

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?        

Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:  

THEY KEPT HAPPENING TO ME OVER THE YEARS AFTER HER DEATH

          Was the experience dream like in any way? 

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:        

SCARED TO DEATH. I WAS A 5 YEAR OLD CHILD WHO WAS NOT AWARE OF AFTERLIFE EXPERIENCES. CONFUSION WAS NEXT, HOW COULD MY DEAD MOTHER BE HERE IN MY ROOM? I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE WASN'T DEAD AFTER ALL, LIKE THEY MADE A MISTAKE SAYING THAT SHE WAS DEAD.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?         

Uncertain

I WAS TOO YOUNG TO THINK ABOUT WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO ME. MY SISTER SAID MOM WAS A GHOST AND THAT LITERALLY TERRIFIED ME!

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   

IT GAVE ME THE COURAGE AND STRENGTH AND WISDOM TO BE A LOVING AND EMPOWERED HUMAN BEING.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      

Yes                Describe:    

YES- I FEEL I AM HERE FOR THE PURPOSE OF A HIGHER POWER- HE HAS A PLAN FOR EACH OF US AND GIVES US SPECIAL GIFTS TO UTILIZE FOR THAT PURPOSE. I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE MY MOM GUIDE ME THROUGH THE PROCESS OF LEARNING THAT.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?            Yes    THERE DEFINITELY ARE THINGS THAT EVEN THOUGH WE CAN'T SCIENTIFICALLY EXPLAIN THEM, THEY DO EXIST.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?          Yes    IT WASN'T UNTIL I WAS AN ADULT THAT IT ALL CAME TOGETHER FOR ME. IT NOW MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO ME AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE EXPERIENCES I'VE HAD. IT HAS DEFINITELY MADE ME MORE INTUITIVE, SPIRITUALLY SENSITIVE AWARE OF THE PRESENCE OF GOOD AND EVIL.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?      No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          WITHDRAWAL. I WAS VERY CONFUSED BY IT AS A CHILD. I COULDN'T SPEAK ABOUT IT TO MY GRANDMOTHER BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS IN NEED OF PSYCHIATRIC HELP. IT WAS DIFFICULT TO PROCESS.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          Yes

MY OLDER SISTER AND I SHARED THE BEDROOM AND SHE WAS AWAKENED BY IT AT THE SAME TIME

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes

LATER IN LIFE, WHEN THE OCCURRENCES BECAME MORE FREQUENT, I CAN SAY THAT I FEEL LIKE THEY GAVE ME A GIFT OF SENSITIVITY, PURPOSE AND A SENSE OF SERVITUDE TOWARDS OTHER LIVING BEINGS, ESPECIALLY ANIMALS.

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           Yes

PSYCHIC ABILITY WITH ANIMALS, AND MEDICAL INTUITION. I SEEM TO HAVE A KNACK FOR "FEELING" A PERSONS ILLNESS.

Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    THOSE WHO ARE OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITIES OF THINGS WE CAN'T EXPLAIN

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes