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My grandmother had lived a life of struggle. Emotional struggle. To understand my relationship with her, one must understand her background. She was born into a family of privilege to a New York, NY record producer during the depression. They were very wealthy. Her father had countless affairs, and grandmother knew of his lovers. Her mother died at the age of 12, likely a self-induced abortion.
Grandma was raised by nannies and always felt alone and abandoned. She married after college and became a teacher and mother of 4 girls. She divorced my grandfather during the 50's to join her high school sweetheart after they reunited and had an affair for years. Only, her high school sweetheart didn't leave his wife for another 12 years. Grandmother was a single, divorced, Jewish, mother of 4 girls...in the 50's. Denouncing her faith after the fear and tribulations she faced, she felt very alone.
She went to various Christian-based churches. However, she was sexually assaulted by men of the cloth. Her HS sweetheart eventually married her after years of exhausting work raising the four girls on a teacher's salary. Unfortunately, he began physically abusing her (violently) until he died of cancer during the 80's. Grandmother struggled with emotional problems for years. And, she became very difficult to be around. The oldest of her daughters stopped speaking to her 20 years ago, and her third child didn't speak to her for 15 years. This struggle was the constant in grandma's life...her entire life.
At the age of 50 something she was diagnosed with diabetes the same disease that killed her sister at a young age. She had heart problems as well. Basically, she physically struggled for 25 years. Although she wasn't doing well, she was still bright, active, and sharp as a tack. One night she called my mom out of the blue and said, "I think you better come to the nursing home. The doctor is starting morphine. This is it." My mom didn't believe her. My grandmother had been playing these games for 2-3 years now. When my mom went to see her the next day, she was in a self-induced coma. Mom called me to come in right away. I was there in about 2 hours with a bag packed, not knowing if this was the real thing or not.
Mom ordered in hospice. The nurse on that first day said she wouldn't live more than 3-4 weeks. Remember this! So, we figured we had time. I never left the room or grandmother's side all day or night. Mom went home to sleep. Mom came back early to next day. Again, I never left grandma's side. I brushed her hair, spoke softly to her, wetted her lips. Mom did the same. That morning, on the 2nd day, another hospice nurse came in. She said grandma had days, not weeks. We were shocked. Even worse, the night hospice nurse came in and said that she would be gone within 48 hours.
Keep in the mind, the nurses had been asking us to leave the room so they would change her. Neither of us ever left. (My mom did leave for 4 hours that day to go to work briefly) But I never once left her side. That night, however, my mom started to say how she had to leave to get something to eat (she, too, is diabetic). We were starting to argue over whether we should leave or not. The nurses came in for the normal routine and as usual asked us to leave. Now, I had made it very clear to mom that I must be at grandma's side when she passed. No one else knew that grandma was terrified of dying. She had told me this only weeks before.
reason or another, my mom and I both left the room, still arguing over whether
or not to get some dinner. I told mom that grandma didn't want us there for
some reason when she passed. That if we got dinner, she would die while we were
gone. I looked up (mom was still talking) and saw clear as day the bust of my
grandmother (from mid chest to the top of her head) as a whitish transparent
"thing" plainly, and peacefully exiting the room. I didn't even think twice
about it. 5-10 seconds later, the young nurse went running out of the room with
her hand over her mouth. (she had never seen anyone die) My mom and I ran in
and found grandma gone. This is when I started to realize what I had just
experienced in the hall. Grandma was showing herself to me, but not coming
towards me. She just left, that was it. She was gone. I didn't even believe
in any of this until it happened to me. How lucky.
Was this experience difficult to express in words? No
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? No
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? No
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No
Did you see the deceased? Yes
as mentioned, I saw her bust from mid chest to top of her head in what would be described as a transparent white.
How clearly did the deceased appear? somewhat transparent
How much of the deceased did you see? bust
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? She appeared to be her age, which was 75, but not in pain or old as she looked in the hospital bed.
How healthy did the deceased appear to be? She "felt" healthy, unaffected by her many diseases.
Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? no possible way. I was alert, it was in the evening, so no sun, only fluorescent lighting at the nursing home.
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No
How long did the experience last? less than 5 seconds
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? neither, it was instantaneous
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes
I could see she was peaceful and was experiencing no pain. I also feel she really didn't acknowledge us on the bench. I may be wrong about that because I really didn't understand what I was witnessing.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was probably real
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: I guess I believe anything is possible. That being the case, and being realistic, there is a chance that it did not happen. Being philosophical, given the premises for which my story is based upon, I could only see how this experience was real. However, since everything IS possible, there is A possibility that this was not real.
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: I was just sitting there listening to my mother make our decisions about getting some dinner. We were relaxed (although we couldn't make up our minds about whether to leave her or not). We were almost poking fun at each other, having a lively conversation, yet relaxed. Probably the first time either of us had been relaxed all day/night.
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes
I guess. I saw her peaceful and not hurting.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best part was that I actually saw this happen. It was amazing and unbelievable. I don't think there is a bad part of this experience.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes, Before, I was a very strict atheist. Now, I'm not so sure.
Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? Yes
I guess I had forgotten until just now. Mom, grandma, and I had talked about coming back to each other when we passed. We joked about how we would show ourselves. It was a brief conversation about 2 years ago.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes, She passed the exact moment I saw her.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? That was the instant we found grandma lifeless in bed. So, I couldn't think about it until a minute later when I realized what had happened. I was excited that I had seen her.
Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain
It almost seemed like I was hallucinating and that it happened in slow motion.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain
I have always been intuitive, I am not sure if that is why I saw her or why I continue to have "feelings" about people and events.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
I told mom as we were crying over grandma's body. She starting laughing (while crying) and said she was jealous that she didn't see it. The hospice nurse said that my experience was quite common. I was the one that couldn't believe it.
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No
Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? Thanks, grandma!
Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes, I believe I was thorough.