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Jennifer's ADC

Experience description:  

My little brother and I were very close. Growing up we only had each other, my mom worked away often.  Anyway, by the time we were adults we knew each other so well we could joke without saying a word. I knew what every face he made meant. He was always the bright person in a room.  I know people always say that when someone dies, but in this case it was true. He was always the center of attention. He and Jackie met at a bar, she was just as fun, and at times, loud as him. Soon after they met, Jackie moved in with Jamie and very soon there after, she was expecting Jamie's first child. Jackie loved Jamie with all of her heart, and he loved her, but they were young and had so many things to face, not much money, and she fought everyday with an addiction to pain pills. Jamie didn't know how to handle the problem, looking back none of us did. Jamie was in the service and was about to go overseas for three months. They fought often over what would happen when he left, he didn't think she could take care of their newborn child while fighting with her addiction. She was terrified to get help for her problem. Jamie and I had finally agreed that Jackie and the baby would stay with me while he was away. I never found out what Jackie thought of the plan.  

On April 3, I got a call from my brother that he was leaving work early to go home and face Jackie, he had gotten a call from the bank that she had tried to get some money and he was worried that she might have been looking for pills. I was supposed to get the baby that night after work, (It was just my weekend to spend time with her) he asked me to get her early. My mother brought the baby to me, and later I called my brother to ask how things were going. He told me that everything was fine, that she just needed money for gas and things and they were going to stay in and watch some movies and catch up on their sleep.  I went on about my day, playing with the baby.. My husband is a police officer and was not home when the baby and I laid down for the night.  I must have fallen to sleep around 10 that night.

I don't know how the dream started. I just know that my brother and I had been talking for awhile, I knew we had been talking about his daughter, and what we were going to do, but I kept on talking as if we were taking about him leaving the country. Then, just in a space of a few seconds everything started to click for me. the expression on his face was wrong for our conversation. I had made a joke and he didn't laugh. He told me to fight, He said I would have to fight for his daughter. That I needed to make sure she would be safe, and loved. Again, I knew something wasn't right by the look on his face, it looked almost like regret. No anger, no fear, more like disappointment. But, still I kept talking as if we were speaking about him leaving the country. I said " Jamie, I will take care of your daughter, I would give my life to see that she is safe and happy. You know if Jackie tried to harm her I would have her in court and fight her so fast that she wouldn't even see it coming..." Then I heard Jackie's voice, she sounded aggravated, she said "I don't want to fight her Jamie" But, Jamie didn't act as if her heard her, he just starred at me as if he was disappointed. Then all at once I just understood. I don't know how, I don't know why. He didn't say anything about being dead, I just knew. All at once I felt like there was a space in my heart that was full just moments before.. He said take care of mine, I got yours.. and then my husband woke me up. 

When I opened my eyes the pain in my heart was so great it was a physical thing. I can still remember the way it went through me, loss.. I looked at my husband and said "Just tell me" he said "baby, I need to talk to you I need you to wake up" I said "Brian, I'm awake, just say it" he said "No, honey, I have to talk to you and I need you to wake up, I need you get up" that's when I started to shake.. I told him "Brian, I had a dream about him" he just looked at me, he didn't know what I was talking about really, then I asked " Is Jamie dead?" he looked shocked that I had guessed what he was going to tell me, but said "they had gone to the saloon, people at the bar said they had started to argue and left around 1:15 am, the truck was found about two miles from the saloon, they had both been drinking.. They airlifted Jackie from the site to the hospital, she wasn't conscious at the site, she had been driving and they believe she was going too fast to control the truck, they don't think she is going to make it, they're going to do everything they can but they don't think they can stop the bleeding in her brain. Jamie was thrown from the truck, he was pronounced dead at the site. " 

All I could do is say, I dreamed about him, I was right there, I had a dream about him, I just kept saying Jamie Im so sorry. It was 3:39 am when my husband finally got the courage to come home and wake me up to tell me my brother was dead. He was no where near me when he got the call, I couldn't have overheard him while I slept, I couldn't have subconsciously lived out one last goodbye, I had no reason to. I couldn't have but that look on my brothers face. I couldn't have known to ask Brian if Jamie was dead if I hadn't had that dream. I wouldn't have known to tell him I had dreamed about Jamie before he opened his mouth. I live with the loss of my brother and Jackie everyday. We have adopted my niece, and I would still lay down my life to keep her safe. There isn't a day that has passed that I don't think about my brother telling me to fight for her.  I had a son that past away ten years ago, that's when I knew Jamie had said goodbye, when he said " Take care of mine, I got yours" I knew he meant my son. I knew he meant his daughter, I knew he was gone before I woke up...

Was this experience difficult to express in words?            Uncertain

I don't have trouble expressing how I felt, but I think it would be very difficult to make people understand what the experience really means. I still have trouble believing all that this experience confirms as fact. So much to take in, yet so very little in the way of explanation.. And, so sad. So very hard to deal with the fact that I had only a split second to understand fully what was going on before my husband woke me up... It hurts more than I could put into words that I had the chance to say so much and didn't understand I wasn't dreaming until it was to late.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    It wasn't like all other dreams, but there wasn't anything about it that I could point out that made it different. There wasn't a place behind us. We were just standing in nothing, not dark, not bright, just that the background didn't matter. I felt as if we were really standing in front of each other talking. We never touched, hugged nothing, he was maybe three feet in front of me. When I heard Jackie's voice, it came from high on the right side of where we were standing, but she wasn't there. I still don't know if he heard her, or if he was ignoring her. If he was unhappy with her, he would have ignored her just like that, but he wasn't being childish or petty, so I don't think he could hear her.. I don't know..

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  I have no idea how the first part went, I just remember I had a since that we had been talking a while and time was running out.. the middle of the dream was just as if we were standing anywhere talking, than at the end... I just knew.. I knew everything he was trying to tell me without him saying anything at all.. I just knew.. I figured it was the look on his face that gave clued me in, than his comment about taking care of his, he had mine... that clenched it. I felt his loss before I woke up though, that I will never forget.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           I don't remember him sounding any different.. just his expression was more.. Grown up or serious than he usually was.. He liked to joke around..

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           none.  While I was asleep, I was alone in the house with the baby. When my husband got the call he waited more than an hour before he came home, and when he got there, he had no one to tell but me... There was no way for me to have known, but the dream..

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no. I was sleeping on the sofa. The baby was sleeping right beside me.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?     

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Jamie was solid. I couldn't see Jackie at all.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I don't remember. I know he was standing, I remember his face. I felt as if I were looking at a whole person, but, I don't recall his arms legs..

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       yes.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He was great shape and health, and he seemed to still be..

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        I have no idea how long it took exactly, but I believe I feel to sleep around ten, they left the bar at 1:15, the highway patrol said the truck was going well over 100 mph, so they had to wreck within five minutes of leaving, a civilian called 911 at 1:32am, the cops that got the call called my husband by 2am he tried to think of how he would tell me for a while than woke me up at 3:39.  I would guess about 1-2 hours.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The beginning was gradual, the ending was sudden.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

I just could tell, I don't know how. I know he felt regret. I know he was being patient with me, but wanted me to get it. It wasn't like him to be passive, but he wasn't being pushy.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Just that I would need to fight. And, I did. We had to fight in court to keep his daughter, we had to fight to stop people from taking things from their home that belonged to his daughter.. I don't think a day has passed that I haven't felt like I was fighting.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I'm not a flake. I'm not interested in being a medium. And, I haven't had one single dream about my brother since that night. I've even tried to think of him, and ask him to come back and do it again. But, nothing. I know it was real because, there is no way to have had the dream without ever being told of the accident. But also because I could feel it wasn't just like another dream.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Yes

The fact that it didn't matter that we were not in any particular place, there was nothing around us... at the time, I felt as if it were a dream...

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           normal, happy at first joking smiling, then concerned, then confused, then fear, then grief, pain loss, sadness.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Im still working on it, but... It means something that that could happen. It means that we have choices, or at least that God doesn't just take us from the people we love without exceptions. It means that loss of life on earth is not the loss of life forever.

Even if we no longer exist on this planet in this place, we still have meaning somewhere else.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part is that it happened. The worst, I can't "Make" it happen again.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Uncertain      this was sort of a shock... To be faced with something that doesn't happen.. even if you think you know it could..

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     It confirmed, that despite what I or any of us think, there is so much more going on and we really don't have a clue. So, perhaps it's best to sit back and do things God's way more often...

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Yes

Yes, but only as a joke...

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes When I woke up... I found out he was dead.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            emptiness. pain. fear.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

I don't know how to answer that. I guess I would have to say no. However, My husband is the one who woke me, and I knew he was waking me to tell me my brother had died before he opened his mouth. Before he spoke I told him, I had a dream about Jamie. There is no way I could have dreamed that dream, or have known to tell my husband I had that dream before he could explain why he was waking me up.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

everything was altered. There was nothing.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes

Only the conclusion, that due to his passing, I would need to fight for his daughter.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes  I heard Jackie's voice.

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     My husband was shocked at the time, than his need to protect us and help me live through my grief took over.. I don't know, we don't talk about it. I have told a lot of people.. I just have this need to make them believe me. They all say they do, then follows up with their own "Ghost story" .. I'm not sure they really get it. or understand.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

When I was young I would feel as if I were floating above my body.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes