Across the street from my best friend was a family that my friend was very friendly with.  There was a high school boy named Tom who became involved with a then popular drug called PCP.  He had a very bad experience with it and was taken to the hospital.  Afterwards he was taken out of school for a semester and put on anti-depressants.  It was felt that it was time to slowly wean him from the anti-depressants.  On the first morning of not taking this medication, after his mother had already gone to work for the day and his little sister had gone off to school he got his step-fathers police revolver from a cabinet and shot himself in the chest in his mother's/step father's bedroom.  Tragically, his little 8 year-old sister had not yet left for school, heard the shot and ran into the bedroom to find her big brother dying.  Two days later I went over to my friend's neighbor's house with my friend to see Tom's mother.  We were all sitting in the living room talking to her when I kept seeing this flashing blur on her right side coming toward her.  I saw this maybe three times but didn't say anything about it at the time.  Later when I concentrated on this flashing and what it might have been I could see that it was Tom, and he was running at his mother repeatedly, desperate to get her attention, but of course he couldn't understand why she couldn't see him or hear him.  This was terrible for me because I could feel so much of his pain and confusion.  He thought that death would be the elimination of pain, he thought that suicide was the way out.  Here he was in emotional agony seeing just how much pain he had caused everyone and now there was no way for him to even tell his mother how sorry he was.  It was very gut wrenching at the time.  Fortunately those feelings of his have left me after so much time.  I described what Tom was wearing to my friend and she said that it was his favorite clothes to wear.  I asked my friend to relate what I had seen to Tom's mother, whether she did or not I don't know.  She might have thought I was either crazy or cruel, she never mentioned it to me, and I never brought it up personally to her.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He was kind of a blur, colored by the clothes that he was wearing.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            blurry

            How much of the deceased did you see?       pretty much full body.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       yes, age 17

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He was a young healthy 17 year-old.  I did not see a wound in his chest.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           I don't think so as he was light and the background was dark.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        seconds.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         the experience initially was very fast but the 'opening' of the experience was slower so that I could see that it was Tom.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Oh, God it was so horrible and desperate.  He was so hysterical and was so trapped.  He had no idea that death would have any consciousness to it.  He was so shocked and horrified, and frightened.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  just the sight of him, but he was not trying to communicate with me but with his mother.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           If the sight of Tom did not convince me, certainly the feelings that Tom was experiencing did!

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Profound sad feelings for a mother who had just lost her eldest child and only son.  She had come home from her job after her 8-year-old daughter had called her, I believe that Tom may still have been barely alive when she arrived.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           No

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Maybe the best part would have been if Tom's mother could know that Tom was sorry. The worst was knowing and feeling his pain and him being in a place where no one could help him.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I guess just knowing that we create our own hell. God does not send us there.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I believe that we put ourselves into hell by our own actions.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Feelings of what a senseless tragedy for the entire family and all who knew Tom.  Such a foolish act and what a self-centered thing suicide is.  His poor mother having to live the rest of her life with what he did, and also how it effected his two younger sisters for the rest of their lives also.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

had an NDE summer of 1973.Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     only with my friend.  I'm not sure what she thought, she didn't call me crazy and she did tell me that what Tom was wearing in the experience was what he liked to wear best.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       no

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

My NDE is described in the index under 'Jewel H's NDE'

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I can't think of any.