JM F's ADC
(Based on the basic text drafted in 2008, 5 years experience)
A dozen or so days after the visit at her apartment, while I started to go down the stairs of our house, I was taken for a 'split second' in a 'heart to heart' with her, that was of an inexpressible softness and sweetness. I knew her internally and instantly, without any possible doubt, by these special 'qualities, the imprint, the taste' of our friendship.
At that moment, this loving friendship manifested with a shock at the deepest and the highest of my heart and my being. In a certain way our hearts touched and interpenetrated in transparency, as if we were but a focal point of vibrant light.
This loving friendship had the transparency, had the taste of an unconditional and total gift, that we always tried to experience in the truth of our situation, but it reached a plenitude and a maturity that is not accessible down here.
In this 'immensity' that lasted the time of a step, her joyful and happy personality was present in me (and my being was 'in' her being), with her unique touch (much finer, richer and more accurate than what I had perceived in our relationship), with our special secret touch.
I 'saw' that nobody could penetrate the intimacy of our love, despite the intense light in which this communication was bathing. I felt totally reassured by this light that protected us from external eyes, Love-Light that couldn't be 'understood' by others or that they couldn't go in.
At the same time, I felt such a powerful and limpid joy, that it made me wish that others could live with her such a rich love. I was assured that in no case, somebody else could live the same 'absolute' relationship with her. Our unique relationship couldn't be taken away from me (from us), it was the expression of a unique communication between two unique beings. I didn't wish for anything else, I was fulfilled by Love.
I was even certain that her total love for me would be enriched by her other unique relationships with others. I tasted the plenitude and overabundance of a Love that was outside of our boundaries in time and space.
At that moment I sensed a feeling of extraordinary liberty and security, I was wishing her that she should be free, be totally herself with all those that she cherished, and all those that she was living with, at the other side of the veil.
In this split Second, the time of a step, I was loved at the most intimate of myself in an inexpressible way. We were bathing in a recognition of hearts that nobody could penetrate nor guess. I was experiencing an irradiating peace, trust, love, communicating a joy that I was totally unable to imagine and let alone produce. It was like an intangible and elusive touch transfusing a plenitude.
The immediate consequences of the experience.
This moment was of such an fulfillment for me, that in the hours and couple of days following it, I felt no need to relive the 'experience'. I felt no craving, no desire. I was saturated; I enjoyed that I was definitely loved the way I was. I was awash with a Love beyond all feelings, but what I consider as the fruit of the love that we had been sharing, and what at the same time we had been renouncing down here.
I just had to direct my heart's thought towards her, to be in our love and getting instantly in a state of unprecedented plenitude, peace and joy.
I was well aware that I wouldn't have been able to produce this 'experience', that she gave it to me for free and as a surprise. I was never tempted to try to relive it or to 'warm it up' again. On the contrary I took care not to fix a personal desire to it, to the extent that I even wasn't noting the precise day, and that I didn't want to write anything down in the first days, in order to let calm down the emotional upheaval I felt, and not to direct the perception or the development of this experience in myself. In a way my willpower kept at a distance in order to keep lightness and plenitude transparent. This had been like two liberties dancing in a total grateful freedom.
I waited about 8 days before putting down a few elements in my personal notebook.
In the following weeks I was living two loves, not competing with each other at all; conjugal love for my wife, and this loving friendship totally unique, that enriched me profoundly and that so totally overwhelmed me.
I was in a profound peace, but also in an unbelievable permanent emotional upheaval.
In the months that followed, I continued to experience at the depth of myself that I was loved in a unique way, unwavering, as if I was the chosen one, the preferred one, what was leading me into a total freedom and confidence. The permanence of the unspeakable peace resulting from this contact with the other side, created an enthusiasm that was sometimes difficult to manage in some inter-personal situations.
It was a totally free communion, fulfilling and without exclusive. It was a very deep interior perception that had nothing to do with imagination or bodily senses. My intimate being was communing with her intimacy, like two sources - having each it's own originality - joining, but where all water molecules could thereafter part again, enriched with the 'fragrance' (or this personality), that you cannot get to know outside of such an intimate communion.
Longer term evolutions.
Here some concrete modifications that happened in me during the weeks and years that followed:
1. I never tried to 'feel' or to experience this experience again:
a. In the first place I think, because the Love that was received/exchanged, was running like an always available source at the depth of myself, that left me fulfilled and without any desire, in peace and joy. 'Everything' was always available in my 'heart' in a very intense and alive way. I just had to get back to myself in the middle of my daily occupations, to be replete with peace.
b. In the second, because I always was aware that it was totally out of my reach. This visit was the complete surprise of an unprecedented transforming gift, and I have the impression that it's intensity and plenitude were held in the case of it's gratuitousness and liberty. All desire couldn't but corrupt what had been given to us, after having renounced to it close to 30 years before.
2. I was and remain ready to 'live at the other side' immediately. I'm no more scared of death, nor disease, nor mental suffering, but I don't know how I would react in front of physical suffering, that I haven't known yet. In moments of relaxation, I still happen to wish being already at the other side.
3. I had no more any personal 'needs', (except the urgent one, to advance in spiritual knowledge); I was completely reassured and fulfilled. It was almost always 'everything is okay', except lies, lack of respect.... I really had no desire anymore. Today I'm staying on that line. One year later, my close ones told me spontaneously, repeatedly, that I was more smiling and more cool.
4. I had such a Love experience, that I'm sure being loved totally (by a person and by LOVE) for what I am, with my limitations, loved beyond or independently of my merits and outer circumstances.
5. I'm convinced that LOVE is loving gratuitously and unconditionally every human being and all beings! LOVE can only love, HE doesn't judge, HE is offering himself, He is offering forgiveness, He is inviting to live the present, He is trusting.... Up to me to love in the same way!
6. Thus I became even less sensitive, even unresponsive, about the look from others about me, especially when it might be negative or hostile. And here a strange virtual imagination that occurred during the first years: I imagined myself as a happy tramp! There was no wish to live the hardship of this condition, that I feel unable to assume. This picture came back quite often. I was happy to hide the radiating Light of our real identity under the rags, in order to experience it incognito.
7. From sensitive to music (classical and Baroque), I went over the years to become hypersensitive, and to everything that was beautiful, even to the extent to feel uncontrollable sobs of joy and happiness. Beauty was calming me totally and was transporting me irresistibly in a world of peace and joy that was difficult to share.
8. Also in the months and years that followed, I sometimes had difficulties to restrain from manifesting spontaneously a 'completely free and detached' tenderness towards women with whom I felt in spiritual affinity.
9. After the great torment having considered very 'unjust' not being able to 'have a life in common' , I said and still say thanks for this 'step' which has an incomparably higher 'value' than a hundred years of earthly love!
10. I still feel no desire at all to relive such an experience; firstly because I'm satisfied (cf. 1), but also because I always thought that such a desire couldn't be but a trap and an obstacle. Out of curiosity, I tried to read works about the different communications with the dead, but quite fast I grew tired, after having drawn some rules of conduct from it.
11. This unique encounter has transformed me inside for ever. Even if the intensive emotional impacts are now few, it was building me up at the depth of my being, what it is still secretly supplying from its limpid source. It gave me the definite conviction, the peace, the assurance, being loved for ever, and everlasting, whatever the appearances may be. I never could doubt it: this moment was denser than the commitment in daily life, and it gives it it's weight.
12. Ten years later, this experience has no more the impact of the staggering and 'overwhelming' newness! It lost some of it's splendor, what makes life in society easier! Emotions are much appeased and less bright for a certain amount of reasons, that don't belong to this account, the years have their part, but not only, so it seems to me.
13. Today, Love received and exchanged is part of me, like a source that is still running, and is always accessible beyond the 'sensitive memory', a memory that is sometimes revived at the contact with some people, by some exchanges or by hearing some kind of music.
14. Readings from mystics or about ADC or documentary on the same subjects, can nevertheless call forth emotions in me (tears of joy) that are difficult to control, as if there was an inner resonance, which is still surprising me, as it is originally without a conscious content.
Was this experience
difficult to express in words?
The quality and the intensity of what is felt has no words or adjectives to describe them, it cannot be communicated, this is coming from another world....
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? Yes
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? No
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No
Did you see the deceased? No
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No
How long did the experience last? The time of a step = a priori a second?
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?
An instant experience but that 'saturated' me instantly, as if it had become immovable in me, but always present and that left me during long months without any desire of any kind - 'everything is perfect'- , and there still remains a solid foundation.
I cannot qualify this level of out of time energy as emotions or mood....
the worst was afterwards, the exaltation was difficult to hold back over the years... really trying.
My new comprehension of love helps me to better understand the words of Jesus-Christ or the mystics.
You have to see everything in love, believe that love is at the depth of everybody and that the trials of life experienced in righteousness are a path allowing us to access real love
Hypersensitivity about classical music, inner beauty, intuitive strong understanding of some people.
Quasi permanent joy and deep peace, inner security, few desires, except to understand the why and how of our incarnation,
(For several years an exaltation wanting to share my vision of life, which was difficult to hold back)
No fear anymore of how other people see me.
This second was worth more than 30 years of love on this earth (= being ready to live 30 years of separation to be able to experience this one second!)
That love is beyond what we can feel in our terrestrial being.
In a certain way our hearts touched and interpenetrated in transparency, as if we were but a focal point of vibrant light.
Noesis Genève 2013
JJ Charbonnier 2008 first version (five years after) that was still very excited, it seems, many repetitions due to the incapacity of having words to tell it....
For further information: In my opinion, this experience started already 12 days earlier when I went to her apartment (during a visit to her husband that I had not seen for 18 years), and probably very slightly, 'felt her presence'; but anyhow I had been inviting her during a sleepless night to continue her way towards the light in the peace and joy of God; I slightly got the feeling that the deep sadness of her husband held her back.
I recently was reading in 'Encounter with Iswara': "You have the power, in prayer and intention, to help souls that you might meet on your way. The result of this free act of heart and compassion, is the profound gratitude and jubilation felt, during the crossing over, that is particularly addressed to you."
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.
Maybe a question about health/disease, before/after
As I have the impression that my health profited deeply, even if alternative medicine had already been helping me well.
I had various symptoms that would have required more thorough tests with classical medicine, which I didn't take due to an inner conviction, but everything disappeared without a trace, more than 10 years ago!