Jodi L's ADC

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Experience description:  

My husband and I lost our beloved dog, Mulder (named after the David Ducovny character in The X-Files) on 11/01/00, after a long and sad battle with lymphoma.  I have always had a lot of personal anxiety about death and the question of whether there is an afterlife. In addition, I was feeling very guilty about having had to be the one to make the decision to put Mulder to sleep when the vet told us he was suffering too greatly to continue trying to save him.

I worried that he was angry at us for the decisions we had made both to put him to sleep and to pursue treatment for as long as we did.  I was in a state where I was crying constantly.  I know this may sound crazy to be having these feelings about a dog, but in a way he was like a child to us. 

Anyway, we were regular watchers of the show "The X-files", but the show had not yet premiered for that season when Mulder died.  When the date of the premier did come, we agonized over whether we should watch it, being afraid that watching it would just make us too sad.  Eventually we decided to watch it.  I had been out somewhere that day and was driving up to my house.  I was kind of talking in my head to Mulder and telling him how much I missed him and how I hoped he would forgive me for the decisions I had made.  I told him that I had always been so scared about whether there is something after we die and I wanted him so badly to let me know that he was ok.  I told him to send me a sign if he was ok, to make the Christmas lights on the tree underneath of which we had buried him come on despite the fact that they had not worked for a year.  I had always kept lights on that one tree hooked up to a timer all year round, one day they had stopped working and I never disconnected them.  However, nothing happened as I drove past that tree.

I left the car and later that evening we watched the X-files.  The episode we saw that night (http://www.redwolf.com.au/xfiles/season08/8abx02.html) was even more difficult to watch because it talked about Mulder being gone and lost in the desert and the search to find him. This seemed really weird because before we got Mulder, his previous owners left him out in the Arizona desert to die.  he was rescued by a animal rights group and we later adopted him.  So the whole time we are just crying at all these references. 

When the episode ended, I remember thinking that I wished that Mulder had given me the sign I had asked for.  When I looked up, my view was directly out the window at the tree--which was now completely lit up.  It stayed that way for about an hour then went back out.  I was very freaked out and told my husband what had happened and he watched the lights with me and saw them turn back off.  It just seemed weird that the specific thing I had requested occurred, and almost by design at a time when we would be thinking of Mulder a great deal.

How long did the experience last?  About an hour

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?  The end was sudden, I don't know about the beginning because when I looked up the lights were already on and they may have been on since the start of the show for all I know.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Just amazement, an eerie feeling, and a sense of happiness

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have:      Joy
      Other Attitude or Belief
          I feel as if it was a very concrete, real experience and wonder why it has done so little to ease my fears about my personal death.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?  Yes
     
Describe:  I felt a little less guilty and like Mulder understood why we had done all that we had.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Uncertain
     
Describe:  I feel as if I should have become less skeptical, but the logical part of my kind fights with the part of me that wants to believe in this sort of thing.

Have you ever made a death compact?  Yes
      Describe:  No, it is with my husband.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?  Yes
      Describe:  I had an out-of-body experience in a dream which I felt myself leave my body to meet someone I was missing very much. When I awoke the phone was ringing, and it was the person in question.  We had both had the same experience.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Uncertain
      Describe:  Which experience?  The out of body one? Yes.  The one involving Mulder? No.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?  Yes

      Describe:  Did not see the deceased at the time of the OOBE.  Saw a person.  We were in the sky floating.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  By talking to the other person and having had the same experience. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  The sky and space, we were flying.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  No

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  They thought it was odd, I guess.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  No

What emotions/feelings did you experience following your experience?
  Happiness at seeing the person, amazement and confusion.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?
  It was all positive.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No
        
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes
        
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire:  I am a little confused about what the word "experience" was referring to in the questions from 27-51.  I answered as if they were asking about the out of body experience, not the after death communication experience.