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Jona S's ADC

Experience description:  

I was living in Italy at this time. My family lived in Germany, which is my country of origin. On that day, I was studying in my room. I knew that my grandmother was ill and approaching the end of her life. She had been home for several weeks from hospital, where they could not do anything else for her, and she wanted to be home again. But it was not that I was thinking of her all the time, I was busy living my life, or that I was worrying about her on that particular day, even though we were close and I loved her a lot. 

What happened on that day was that suddenly, a bright warm wonderful deep red fluid light entered my room. And this light surrounded me and flooded through me and around me and filled everything. And at the same time, I somehow also saw this light or its source or its focus as a ball the size of a water melon floating at about eye level in my room and in front of me in perhaps 1 meter distance. And this light was not just light. It was emotion, it was so much love and acceptance and a bit of sadness and many other emotions mixed in it and which I could feel all at once and share, and all these emotions were a complete presence in me and throughout me and around me. And it was beautiful, I could sense warmth physically, like waves coming at me, and it was like being held and snuggled and cuddled. And I immediately KNEW that this was my grandmother, coming to say goodbye to me, showing me her love, showing me that she was ok, and letting me know that she had died.

She was Catholic and very religious in a naive, childish, pious way, and she always had wanted to come visit me (or rather the Pope ;-) in Rome, but had been too sick and too old and never travelled much. It was comforting and made complete sense in that moment and also today in hindsight that she came to Rome to visit me there after her death.

I do not know how long this visit of my dead or dying grandmother lasted exactly. But I could feel all her feelings of love and good wishes for me, and also a bit of sadness to leave all of us, but her happiness and peace as well that she was dead now. I cannot describe this. It was like I could feel her feelings and all her wisdom and all her life experiences, and her love for me and all of us, and she was so "whole", she was so healed and good and in her middle and at peace, mostly I could feel her peace and her love, and it spread over me and completely embraced me.

And everything she "said" to me by touching me with her light or her soul or her love, by touching me and connecting with me with her whole BEING herself in a unbelievable calm completeness, was her acceptance of what had happened, her joy and happiness of being painless and sooo loving and peaceful, her asking me to let go and her letting go, her reassuring me that she is fine, and that I should not be sad, and that she would be ok, and I would be in her heart and embraced by her love for ever and that EVERYTHING WAS GOOD.

And I could smell her as well, or I could smell flowers and other smells, but also her, and feel her almost physically, and "see" her but I did not see her like a person and still she touched me and she simply WAS there, intensly, and she was the ball and the source of light and the light, and at the same time she was there as I knew her, in her old body, with her voice which I could hear telling me that she loved me, and be a good girl, and everything she used to say to me when I was little and more, forming in my mind and hearing in my mind, but at the same time she was transformed into this ball and more than what she had been or different from the mere human being she had been. It was an indescribable multi-level experience. Every cell in my body and every feeling in my soul was connected to and sensed my OMA (German for granny) in her pure essence and in full presence, and it was almost aching in its simultaneous intensity.

Then the light and my grandmother left, and I thought: She is dead, and I felt sadness and tears coming to my eyes, that she was no longer here with us and I would never see her again. But at the same time, I was at peace, and I was ok with the fact, and had a deep consolation in myself, and sooo much love, and so thankful that she had come and given me and us this wonderful way of saying goodbye.

A part of my scientific brain of course also was puzzled and thought: Did I just imagine this? But I knew this had been real, as real as everything else I experienced and sensed that day. And when I was about to call my family, the phone already rang, and it was my mother telling me that my grandmother had just died earlier that day indeed. And I said that I knew.

I later learned that she had a very peaceful and special death at home in her bed, surrounded by all her family, for whom she had waited to come, all but myself, who of course could not be there.

This is why she came to me, to say goodbye to me as well, and letting me know.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

It is almost impossible to describe the colorful light and the "love" and emotional connection I felt, and the way there was a "whole" and "immediate" complete communication

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Uncertain

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    See above detail description: There were no actual words spoken, but there was sort of "verbal" communication like from mind to mind, into my mind. Like "I am dead, and I must go now, I love you and I always will, take care, don't be sad". And other clear messages.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  Mind to mind, forming in me, in my mind, see above

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           NR

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

See above. It was like being embraced, touched, at the outside and inside.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   It was 100% my grandmother. Very familiar. But not an actual touch. Thousand touches.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Love. Goodbye. Consolation. Peace.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

See above. She was light, she was there in this light in her human form somehow, but I cannot describe it, and she was a ball.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            NR

            How much of the deceased did you see?       NR

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       She was her age, but she was also ageless.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Healthy!!!

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           Flowers, sweetness, grass, fresh air. And some sour milk and stables odor, like how my grandmother always smelled in real.

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     The part "smelling like my grandmother": yes.

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   Love. Presence. Her identity. The flowers were "heavenly" as a smell.

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        No.

How long did the experience last?        Perhaps 10 min?

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Sudden. The red light/my grandmother/the ball entered my room, and then disappeared again.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

See above: yes, all of them!

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Yes, that she had died.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Because she had indeed died, and it all made sense, and because I have these memories, and I know that they are as real as all other memories I have, and it was intense and included all senses.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

No, I was wide awake, and I was even more awake than usual.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Yes, I was at peace with the fact that my grandmother had died, and I knew that she was good and ok now.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best: The feeling of love and consolation my grandmother gave me, and the wonderful sensual "overkill".

There was no worst part.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No   

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   No       Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes     It was my first "adult" experience that confirmed to me that there is a strong likelihood that there is an afterlife in some form, and that death is nothing to be fearful of, and that "love" is what it is all about. It made me very curious to experience my own death, actually - but I can wait!

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Yes

No, this pact I made with a friend much later.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes My grandmother had indeed died. See above.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            See detail description.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

It was a sense of eternity, and I know that not much time passed in reality, but the intensity of what "happened" was like days or weeks (I do not know how to describe this)

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Uncertain

I was like one to a certain degree with my grandmother, like being united in love and having access to her and being the same as her and still different, see above.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

I always had "strange" or paranormal experiences, already as a child. This was my first intense and conscious one that I could not doubt or push aside which I had as an adult. Many followed. But this is more about a change in inner attitude, and to wanting to deal with these "gifts" or not. I chose not to for a long time, and only recently deal with this trying to make some "use" of it.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           Yes, intense red light everywhere, see above.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Different reactions, most a bit skeptical and a bit curious asking questions, but in the end accepting my experience as my experience.

I do not think that any of the family members or friends were in any way influenced by this experience.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

But I can recall it in every detail as a memory.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

"Other spiritual events": Many.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes