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Judi L's ADC

Experience description:  

I don't remember going to this place, but I found myself standing and looking at a foot bridge.  The bridge was small and wooden and curved upwards in the middle, like a small bridge you'd see in a park setting, but I saw no trees or grass.  The bridge as I looked at it, went from left to right, not straight ahead as if I could continue walking over the bridge.  Getting to it would not be possible as it was going in a perpendicular direction.  I very much wanted the bridge to "turn around" so I could keep going.  I was aware of a presence to my left and just a little behind me, and the presence was speaking.  It was the voice of my ex-husband, who had passed away five months earlier.  His speaking kept on during the entire event and I knew what he was saying.  Afterward I had no memory whatsoever of what he was saying, but I knew that I wasn't supposed to remember and it was OK with me - normally that would really frustrate me, not to be able to remember, but it didn't.  I really wanted that bridge to rotate so that I could cross it, even though my beloved daughter and grandchild would be heartbroken; somehow I knew that it would be perfectly alright to cross that bridge, regardless of any sense of loss, as I knew at some point they would also cross the bridge in the future and they would understand.  For some reason, I stretched out my right arm toward the bridge, with my right hand pointed upward (like a "high five" position).  At that point I felt a pressure against my hand and knew it was someone else's hand pressing against mine, firmly.  At that point I knew exactly whose hand was pressing mine, but just as I awoke with no knowledge of the words my ex-husband was saying, I also lost the knowledge of who was pressing my hand, but again, it didn't matter.  I just knew that this pressure on my hand was telling me to turn around.  When I woke up in my hospital bed it wasn't obvious to me what had happened.  It seemed to come back to me in small pieces, and I tried to tell myself it was a dream, but I came to realize the peace I was feeling where I had been feeling bitterness and anger just the day before, blaming the oncologist for not being more diligent, etc.  Instead, I felt that I needed to sit with the doctor and explain all the physical horrors I'd experienced in the two weeks since my first chemo treatment, in the hope that blood testing could be accelerated to detect things like kidney problems prior to patients going through what I did.  The anger and bitterness were gone.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain   This happened in the middle of the night during my second night of hospitalization for kidney failure, but there was no waking up or need for extreme medical care at the time of the experience.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?....No....

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?....More consciousness and alertness than normal    It was all pretty consistent, but I'd say the other hand pressing on mine stands out the most.....Really can't explain, except that I was very aware of the identity of the person pressing my hand, even though the person was not visible.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    The only real vision was the wooden foot bridge, and it would be like walking in a park and crossing a little bridge over a stream.  I remember no stream or grass under the bridge, just the bridge.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    Same hearing, but all I heard was my ex-husband's voice.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?....Total peace of mind and awareness that everything was going to be fine.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?....No....

Did you see an unearthly light?....No....

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?....No   

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?....Yes    I encountered the presence of my ex-husband, but only verbalization.  I did not see him as he was next to me to the left, and just behind my left shoulder.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?....No....

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?....No....

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?....No....

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?....No....

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?....Yes....The foot bridge, turned left to right, so that I couldn't continue on across it.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?....I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will....I wasn't sent back against my will, but had the bridge enabled me to cross, I was very willing to keep going, knowing that everything would be fine.

Did scenes from the future come to you?....No....

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?....Uncertain....Just the feeling that I should discuss with my oncologist doing blood testing earlier than 7 days after chemotherapy to spare patients from going through kidney failure as I had experienced.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:....Moderate changes in my life....A sense of peace and feeling more patient and total lack of anger or resentment I was feeling toward certain people prior to this experience.....

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    Yes     I feel 100% certain that there is a life after this one, whereas I had always hoped for that as most people do, prior to the experience.  I have no doubt whatsoever that we go on to something better.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?....No    

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes   I've told close family members and best friend.  A few were quite encouraged by it, but the skeptic remained a skeptic, although I feel she's hopeful as well.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?....Uncertain     Only reading I've done in the past, especially many years ago.  I do have the book "Proof of Heaven", but have not yet read it.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:....Experience was definitely real    It is so vivid in my memory, I cannot even consider that it didn't happen.  I feel 100% certain that it was totally real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:....Experience was definitely real....Same as above - the experience happened one week ago, so not much time has passed, but I feel sure I will always view the experience as definitely real.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?....No....

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?....No   

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?....No   

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes   

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     Hearing my deceased ex-husband's voice made me believe that I was supposed to remember only that (not the words he was saying), perhaps as some sort of validation that he did move on after he passed away.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?....I find myself looking for photos of the foot bridge that I was not permitted to cross, as it provided a peaceful feeling just looking at it; if I was adept at painting or sketching, I'd be working on trying to paint it, as it is extremely clear in my mind as a beautiful, yet very simple, structure.