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Julia's ADC

Experience description:  

My ex-boyfriend shot himself in the heart a year and a half ago. Before he died, there was a lot of mixed up things going on. He had been scammed by a doctor who told him he only had a few months to live, and had gotten re-addicted to opiates through said doctor. Then we found out the doctor was a scam artist. I had moved on and was living in California at the time, just visiting home on vacation and I spent most of my time at his house taking care of him in his final days. Once we found out the doctor was fake he was devastated, and some of his close friends who had flown in from all over the country called him a liar and thought he was making everything up. He was feeling very ashamed and dealing with Borderline personality disorder and addicted to opiates, had severe carpal tunnel in his dominate hand and several other health-related issues were going on. Whether he had been seeing a doctor who was giving him fake 'medicine' or just made the whole thing up I will never know. Most of his friends still believe he fabricated the story but I was there when his father received a call from the 'doctor' (from a blocked number strangely) and I saw the photographs of his swollen foot which definitely did not just happen on its own. It was all very complicated. He was coming down off of heroin with no way to get more while dealing with everything else and being too poor to feed himself living in squalor with his father and alcoholic room mate. He also told his sister that life wasn't worth living without me in it and threatened to stab himself in the head if he couldn't take the car to come see me a few days before he actually pulled the trigger which I will never forgive the ER for letting him go but he was very good at being charming and acting like everything was ok when he wanted to so I guess he convinced them he didn't need help? Even though the police had to be called and that's how he got admitted. Anyway, now you know the back story. He was not healthy mentally, but he was a sweetheart and for what it's worth I did love him a lot and still do. The day he did it he texted me 'I love you *insert nickname*, goodbye forever' and I didn't respond right away because I was in a hurry but for whatever reason I looked at the sky while I was on the same side of town as he was and wondered if he actually did do it this time, as he had threatened this a lot throughout our relationship unfortunately. Please if you think I am a bad person for not responding realize that he had been suffering from borderline for 10 years and had tried to hang himself when he was 17, and had also expressed that he wanted to go to Oregon to get euthanized humanely and frequently used this as a threat to manipulate me into staying with him. So he was in a very bad place and had been for a long time.

A few days after I found out that he was dead, a couple friends and I were sitting on her porch listening to music and eating dinner. The weather was kind of grey, and looked like it was about to storm, which was his favorite kind of weather. All of the sudden the radio started blasting 'Loveable Girl' by James Carr. At first I barely noticed because I was busy grieving but my friend Neal said 'that was like some ghost stuff' not even thinking immediately after it happened. The whole thing lasted maybe 20 seconds where the radio was just on full blast before my friend got up to turn it down. My friends tried to explain it away saying that maybe the radio had shorted out because it was outside (well under the roof of the porch mind you so it would be hard to get water damage there). Since then I have never heard that radio do the same thing and it had never done that prior to that instance. What makes this incident all the more strange is that the same day, same time Ian's father told me he felt his presence as well and so did his best friend's mom, who is a bit of a medium. It was as if he came to all 3 of us around the same time to say goodbye. I believe it was directly a message to me given the content of the song and everything else involved in the situation.

I was also able to contact him through a medium friend of mine a few days after he passed, after the radio incident. At first he was just saying 'I'm so tired of the wheel, I'm so tired of the wheel' but eventually I was able to get through to him and had a decent dialogue through my friend channeling and I could tell it was him speaking. Some of the things he said were just so him like that he was supposed to be a lesson to me and said so 'with a wry smile'. Also when he left he kept saying 'I have to flee now' which my medium friend thought was weird and it took me a couple of days to understand but then I realized it was a Pokemon reference because we used to play together all the time. Anyway, I'll spare you all the personal details of our conversation but basically he was saying that he had been through similar life cycles several times before and had jumped into this lifetime without really doing the proper work in the spirit realm because he just wanted the 3D experience so bad, which is interesting because he was born prematurely with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and a horrible mental illness like I mentioned. He said he had asked the guides to hold him down so that he could get better for real this time. There was no mention of heaven or hell, just 'the wheel' and 'the guides'. There was also mention of him being all cuddled up in pjs with hot cocoa and a teddy bear saying 'this is my favorite part' which makes sense because even as an adult he loved his stuffed animals and being curled up in bed. So I definitely knew it was him. It was sort of eerie but it helped me a lot. I think he is no longer bound to this earth because he had to do a lot of work elsewhere but my friend did say he would probably be back in 40 to 50 years 'maybe as a woman' he joked because he knows he abused his time here as a man. Anyway I don't really feel his presence any more because of that but I do have hope that he is healing his soul properly and that I will see him again in the future!

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? Yes

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated: radio blasted song 'Loveable Girl'

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No

Did you see the deceased? No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last? 20 seconds

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Uncertain

it was a strangely uplifting feeling

How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real

Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: because I was not the only one who experienced it and I actually talked to him through a medium

Was the experience dream like in any way? No

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

I was able to know that his spirit was in peace, that he was no longer suffering

What was the best and worst part of your experience? best was being in communication with other side, no worst

What emotions did you feel during the experience? relief, joy

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? Yes

two friends with me also witnessed it

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No