I lost my beloved Poppy just over a week ago, a few months before her 20th birthday.  I became her guardian when she was 6 weeks old, and we were very bonded. She was the most beautiful cat, everybody said so, and she was always happy to be admired. She was generally a quiet, gentle girl, a little shy with strangers. Her wide green eyes were full of wisdom, and she won over everyone who saw her. As a sensitive soul, she was concerned if I or my partner or indeed anyone who came to the house was upset and she would try to comfort them. She was small in stature, though her light grey and white fur was so luxuriant that she appeared bigger. Her tail was especially beautiful, it was like a plume of light grey with dark grey stripes. Her little face was framed in white, like a lions mane, and to kiss the top of her smooth grey head meant breathing in her gorgeous Poppy scent. She kept her beauty throughout her life, and although in the last few months or so when chronic kidney failure meant she was no longer able to groom herself and her fur grew thin and lifeless, she looked like a shadow of her former self, but she was still beautiful to me and to my partner Rachel. She has always been a very talkative cat and she would come up to bed and climb up on our chests and talk away to us, her little mow was very distinctive and every time we replied in a similar way she would answer she could keep this conversation up for a long time!  Poppy always had the freedom of the house and garden and chose never to go much beyond these boundaries in her nearly twenty years. I was always relieved that she limited herself in this way because my aim was always to protect her and keep her safe.

As she became aged and her health began to fail, she would frequently jump into the bath and ask for water from the tap, she became gradually weaker so we had to put footstools next to her favorite places to help her jump up. One day she grew noticeably weaker and I knew the end was not far away. On the third day I had to face the inevitable and I made an appointment for the vet to come the following afternoon but during the night we heard her eating and drinking, she jumped up on the bed and was purring so loudly she was clearly telling us she was not ready to go yet!  I called the vet and he showed me how to put subcutaneous fluids into her from a drip bag following this she had another three weeks of good quality life, enjoyed attention and cuddles, and I knew she was still happy.

One night I came home and her back legs had given way so she could no longer walk. I wrapped her in a blanket and she spent the night under the radiator on the floor beside our bed, we wondered if she would survive until morning. I spent some hours lying beside her, until she went to sleep she would not stay on our  bed and insisted on being on the floor. In the morning I put the light on, and she was still alive, but very very weak. I promised her she would not have to suffer for much longer, and assured her she could go whenever she was ready, that I would not leave her side now. I took her downstairs and cuddled her for a while, then put her in the blanket on her sofa in the window in the living room, where she had always spent so much time, so she could be in a familiar place. The vet could not come immediately and I would not take her to the surgery I just hoped I was making the right decision for her. Our vet Lachlan had known Poppy for a little while and seemed to have a special connection with her - I knew he would be there as soon as he could. I hoped she would slip away peacefully with me supporting her through the transition and this is what happened. I sat with her, sang to her, talked to her and told her how much I loved her. Half an hour before Lachlan arrived, she breathed deeply a couple of times, I knew she was gone, and I cuddled her body until he came to take her.

I have missed her terribly, and I just wanted to know she is ok wherever she is now. I could not believe that such a beautiful spirit could just be extinguished.

Last night at 2.30am an extraordinary thing happened.  I heard my partners voice calling my name Kat, Kat and I realized she was still asleep so couldnt have called. I woke up, or so I thought, and saw a pale red glow on my pillow from the digital display on the clock on the bedside table. I knew something was going to happen, and then I felt a thump at the end of the bed by my feet. I knew it was Poppy. She ran up my legs and along the length of my body just like she used to do, and she felt quick and heavy like when she was younger, not slow and old as in latter years. She settled on the pillow by my head and sat there looking at me. I communicated to her without speaking, Poppy, youve come back!  She didnt respond, and I wondered if I could touch her or if she would just disappear if I tried. I put out my hand (though I dont think I actually physically moved as this was probably happening in another dimension) and I touched her she was solid and real and I could stroke her! She let me stroke her chest too and examine the fur there which I was amazed to find was now gleaming white, soft, thick and luxurious as it had been when she was younger. I leaned over to kiss the top of her head and breathed in her familiar Poppy smell. She allowed me to do this but she didnt respond much and seemed to need to maintain an emotional distance, as if she was telling me that she had just come to tell me she was ok but she couldnt stay. Then she disappeared and I opened my eyes at that point I realized that I had thought my eyes were open but they hadnt been, I had been seeing all of this as if through my eyelids. I was suddenly wide awake and felt tears of joy and peace, because I knew she was happy and contented where she was now but was still able to see me and communicate with me if she wanted to. I lay awake for 2 hours not quite able to believe this had happened, but knowing it had, and I have never before had an experience like it. In the morning I was left with certainty that I had not imagined this, that I had really seen and touched Poppy in the night and she had seen me too.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

She jumped onto my feet as I lay in bed and ran up my legs and body to sit on the pillow by my head. I touched her, stroked her and kissed her head. I smelled her familiar smell as I kissed her

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  no

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

She seemed younger than when she died and her fur was of a much younger animal

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            quite solid

            How much of the deceased did you see?       all

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       no - she seemed several years younger but not a kitten.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            She seemed well and active, very healthy. This was completely different to how she was when she died as she had become weak and lame

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           her familiar lovely smell from the fur on her head

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     yes

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   no

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        no

How long did the experience last?        about 2 minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  no

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           It was unlike anything I have ever experienced before and I know I was in a dimension or something that was real even though I do not understand and do not have words to name or describe it

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           wonderment and pleasure

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best - I believe her life has continued in some form and that her 'spirit' has not just been extinguished.

Worst - I don't know for sure if Poppy is ok wherever she is and what will happen to her next. Will she stay earth bound or is she going somewhere else now. Is she happy?

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            happiness and gratitude

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes    

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       no

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes