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Kendra S's ADC

Experience description:  

I grieved deeply upon the passing of my mother after a ten year battle with cancer.  When she was first diagnosed, I was at work crying and heard a voice tell me not to cry that my mom was going to be ok.  After she died, I felt betrayed and was furious with God.   

A few months after her passing, I fell asleep on the couch in my living room.  I awoke with a startle and saw my mother standing behind the couch at the top of my stairs.  She was very angry and was chastising me.  I could only sit there and stare at her with my mouth open.  I couldn't really understand exactly what she was saying but I knew that she was very angry with me.  She turned and began to walk down the stairs.  She stopped, looked over her shoulder and said something else that I really couldn't understand. 

Later, I realized that she was very angry with me for turning against God and wanted me to change my ways before it was too late.  A few weeks later, I  had another visit during a dream.  This time I was sleeping in my bedroom.  I had my head in my mother's lap and she was stroking my hair.  I was sobbing and letting her know that I missed her so much.   She let me know that everything was going to be ok.  I awoke to find that I had been crying and that my pillow was soaking wet.  When I woke up, I knew that she would probably not be able to visit again.  I had a feeling that the window of opportunity was over for her to be able to communicate with me.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?         I couldn't determine where my mom's voice was coming from.  I could hear and feel her voice but I couldn't really understand what she was saying.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?         I believe it was similar.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?      No

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?          Yes

During the second visit, I placed my head in her lap.  She stroked my hair.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?  Her touch was very familiar and I can still remember how her hands felt.

          Was anything communicated by the touch?  I felt loved and I felt forgiven.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?         No

Did you see the deceased?        Yes

During the first visitation, she was very bright and white.  She appeared to be made of light.  During the second visit, she was solid and looked like she did before cancer.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            She was somewhat transparent the first time and normal the next.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            She appeared to be about the same age.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            She appeared in perfect health and looked like she did prior to cancer.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   Yes

          What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?        During the second visit, I could smell her scent. I was not a perfume. I equate it to a infant being able to recognize a mother's scent or a puppy recognizing the scent of an owner.

          Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?   It was the scent of her that was in her clothes and home.

          Was anything communicated by the smell?   Comfort

          Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          I kept a robe of hers that I wore after her death but the robe had long since lost her scent.  It had been washed.

How long did the experience last?       I have no idea how long it actually lasted but if felt brief.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?          The first visit was sudden.  The second experience was more gradual and more calm.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

She was furious with me on the first visit and forgiving on the second.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?         Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I was never afraid of my mother prior to the first visit.  She scared me straight.  I am making peace with God and am dealing with her death better.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  Uncertain

The first experience wasn't.  During the second event, I was aware that I was asleep but also knew that I was not actually  really dreaming.  I knew that the experience was real and that she was communicating with me during my sleep.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:         I was extremely frightened the first time and very sad during the second.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Yes

I'm currently reconciling with God and am coping with my mom's death better.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The worst was fearing my mom.  The best was being held by her again.  I could still feel her after I awoke.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?       Yes                Describe:     I'm on the road to re-discovering my spirituality

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
            Yes    I'm not angry with God any longer and know that he does love me.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?          Yes    I don't hold animosity towards God any longer and it let me know that my relationship with God is very important.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?      No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          I felt more calm and had could better accept my mom's death following the second visit.  I felt loved and I knew that she missed me as much as I missed her.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           Yes Afterwards, my sense of discernment began to come back.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?          No

Did you see a light?         Uncertain

In the first visit, my mom appeared to be made of all light.  I was bright but not blinding.  I could sense that it was an extremely bright light, but I didn't have to shield my eyes.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?         No

Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    Most were interested but I know some were skeptical and probably felt I was dreaming.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?      No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?  Yes  I had them frequently when younger and on occasion as an adult.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.          None that I can think of.