After talking to My Mother that evening I was getting ready to go to the recording studio with my friend Theresa.  I was in a better mood after me and My Mom talked the last time. We left out about 10 pm and came home about 4 in the morning on Nov.26,1996. We were so tired we just grabbed some blankets and crashed on the living room floor. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. But I remember suddenly being JOLTED out of my sleep! It was like an electric shock hit me in my sleep! Its like I popped up and laid right back down to sleep! Like toast in a toaster! I didn't think anything of it at, the time.  I just figured I had dozed off and jumped in my sleep, like so many of us do.  By the next day, my thoughts had changed. I would start to believe that the jolt in my sleep, was the time my mother shot herself in the head. 

The next morning I woke up and was supposed to be getting ready for work, but I didn't feel like it. I knew I was tired from the night before. I really was only able to get about 3 hours of sleep, because I had to be to work.by.10. Theresa had left, and my cousin Loren was still home. I was in my Aunts bedroom, and I told my cousin I wasn't going to go to work. She asked me if I was feeling ok. I said," Loren, My Mom is going to kill herself today!" I said it so matter of factly! It just rolled off my tongue, almost before I even formed it as a thought. My cousin, was obviously shocked, she said," Kieve, you are trippin!" But I wasn't tripping, I was serious! I called off of work. I called My Mom, but got no answer. I kept trying to call periodically for the next couple of hours, but still NO ANSWER!  I wasn't frantic or even worried, I just kept calling.  Finally, I decided to call my Grandfather to see if maybe he had talked to her. He hadn't talked to her, but suggested that maybe she went on a job interview. I told him that if shed had an interview she would've mentioned it the night before.  Still I wasn't worried, but I told my grandfather to call me when he heard from her. When I got off the phone, I decided to take a nap. When I laid down, a knowing came over me. That, I would wake up to my grandfather calling to tell me that my mother had indeed committed suicide. Dead or alive. 

I slept in my Aunts bed peacefully and quite comfortably. I don't know how long I had been sleep. Suddenly I heard my cousin calling my name,"KIEVE!?!KIEVE!!!!" I sat straight up out of my sleep, "WHAT!?!WHAT'S WRONG!?!" My cousin Loren was standing at the foot of the bed and she's staring at me Luke she's seen a ghost! She says, "Kieve, remember what you said this morning about your Mother!?!" All I could say was, "I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!" Loren passed me the telephone and my Grandfather was on the phone calling to tell me that my mother had killed herself!

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard the command for me to call my mother back to tell her that I loved her! I had the "knowing" radiate thru my body that she was going to commit suicide. It was the knowing, just like I KNOW my own name!

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  The voice that told me to call my mother back seemed to come deep from within, but was spoken CLEARLY in my ear!

The knowing of her death and how was like a feeling of stillness, like the realization of the truth. I didn't waver un how I felt...I just KNEW!

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           The voice wasn't my mothers. Id say it was a mans voice only because it resounded in my ear with such force. I'm sure it was the voice of GOD. It didn't ask of me, it commanded me to, but with compassion and love, not with anger.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No. I was alone in a room by myself having a private phone conversation.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Uncertain

I don't know if the jolt I felt in my sleep was the jolt of her transition, or maybe the exact moment that the gun went off.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Unfamiliar, in the sense that I was asleep, and the jolt woke me up instantly and only for an instant, because I fell immediately back to sleep.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  No...

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

That morning when I didn't feel like going to work, I just felt somber. I didn't want to be bothered. Irritated, antsy, frustrated. I had sense of what my mom would call, "the cant help me nots".

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Because I remember it so clearly, like it happened yesterday. There is no other way I could've known that my. Mother would commit suicide 600 miles away from me.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Relaxed, peaceful calm, and comfortable in my "knowing". I didn't "feel" like doing nothing, but I wasn't sad....just comfortable in doing nothing. Almost relieved in my doing of "nothingness".

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           No

I believe my experience allowed me to be prepared for her passing.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part of the experience was being open enough to receive the message. The worst part was the confirmation.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I look for her constantly in my everyday life. 3 yrs after her death I had a baby. Boy, I always contributed his life as a blessing from God thru my mother. She always wanted a son. My pregnancy mirrored hers un the since I hot pregnant the first and only time I slept with my sons father, as my mother had with me. I felt like I was supposed to know the love my mother felt for me, so that I could understand her better.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I wanted to "find" my mother. I searched hopelessly for her laughter, her joy, her personality. I could accept that her physical was gone, but I needed to know where her spirit was.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I realized that the bond and love between mother and child transcends time. That love is unconditional And everlasting.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Uncertain

Maybe a year prior, my mother and I had a deep conversation where she confessed her agony of living with her sickness, her fears, and how she often contemplated suicide. I understood her pain and in essence told her that I understood and would be understanding should she make that decision. I think my acceptance was our agreement that wed both be ok.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            When my mothers death was confirmed, I didn't grieve but I had an urgency to get back to Maryland. When I got back to the house, I had a need to " find" her.

My cousin Loren, was home with me and who I told.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes

Only of my mothers suicide.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Most people are shocked, nut they believe me. I think because I tell it with such compassion you have no choice but to believe my testimony. And my cousin always confirms the events!

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes