I had many dreams of Bill after he died but none that felt like they were actual visits. Just dreams of guilt and regret that I had not been there when he died. That I was not able to say goodbye and be with him as he had been for so many others in his life. That he had to go alone made me feel horrible. But he had been in what I would call a very codependent and abusive relationship and that end of his life. She had isolated him so much from me and even his own brother at the time of his death and I was not told that he was even in trouble until after he had passed. I had much anger over this fact and I think that it is why it took a while for him to come and see me because I had to let go of some of that anger.

   The night of his visit was just like any other night. I remember having my normal dreams before the visit, like they were in the distance and I was just an observer  watching a movie, when the feeling changed into what I describe as a warmth and love coming over me. My dream almost felt like it had come into a reality. All of a sudden I was looking down a deep river bank, with huge mountains and glaciers, like the ones Bill would describe to me in Alaska, of which I had never seen or been to. I was in awe of it, it was so beautiful, and I knew he was there, he was right behind me sitting in a chair. I turned and sat down in front of him. He said "Hi" but this was not spoken it was understood. We were talking to each other without words but with our hearts. And it was so real, I can only describe it as like somewhere between the subconscious and reality. It was not a dream. I told him I loved him and I missed him sooo much and that I was so sorry that I was not there for him when he died.

He smiled and said, that is ok, even if you had gotten there two weeks before I died I would not have even known you were there. The important thing to know is that I am ok and I am happy. And then I had so many questions, one which made him laugh, was, will I ever become a Mom, he laughed and said yes. I said when, he replied in four years, I said, "What four years, I will be old, like 38!" He just thought was so funny and starting laughing. And so far he has been right about that, I am 37 and I still have not had a baby. So I will let you guys know if I get pregnant next year. That is one way to know if the visit was real. Anyway the visit went on for quite sometime and then I felt myself shifting back into the dream state and he was gone. I woke up the next morning with the guilt lifted. I have not felt guilty about not being there at the time of his death sense. However, I did feel a little pissed about having to wait four years to be a Mom! LOL! I just wanted to express that there is a difference a huge difference in a visit then a dream. I have had many dreams about him since but none I would call visits. There is just such a love felt and known in a visit that it is hard to describe. It just feels real, you know they are in the room with you. I don't know any other way to describe it.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  That is a great way to describe it! YES! It was all of those things into one if that makes any sense.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           It was similar, I knew it was him, but he was felt first before he was seen or heard. I knew he was with me.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

He touched me on my shoulder as I was looking down the river bank

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar, it was more like a known fact then a touch

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  turn around

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  no

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He was healthy. He looked different then when I last saw him. He had to have been in his 30's instead of his 50's

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            He was very clear, right in front of me

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He did not, he was younger and healthy

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Very

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        For a while, he showed me around heaven

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         It was gradual, it was like I was gently let back into the dream state

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Very happy and loving

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Yes, he said it would be four years before I was a Mom. I will let you know if that comes true.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           That is hard to explain, it is like you are between the dream state and the awake state. Like you are in another realm.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No         

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Happy, all love

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I let go of the guilt

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No      

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes           

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          I did meet someone else. I asked him how long he had been here, and he said he was just like me, visiting his friend, and he was still alive. His friend had died the day before in a motor cycle accident in the Seattle area. I was like give me your phone number I will call you tomorrow and we can talk to each other. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and then I realized how am I going to take this number back, and we both started laughing. So I tried to memorize it, but when I awoke I could not remember.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Happy

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Uncertain

Only that I knew this was different then any dream I had ever had

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

That is a perfect way to describe it, yes!

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   Yes, friends he had to the other side

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Mostly, believe

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes