The moment I laid my eyes on her I knew she and I are meant to be together. She was in school, 13 years old. I was in college, 16 years of age. I forgot all about her in a few days. When, I was 18 and one late night I with my friends was (as college students do) walking and enjoying the night air. Some folks, friends of my friends met us and informed us of her engagement with another fellow. I remember very clearly... I remained immensely depressed for the next few days. Then the depression and thoughts of her past. I moved back with my parents in another town.

I broke off with my girlfriend of 3 years in Oct '74. Just for the heck of it, with some friends visited her town and went visiting my friend's friends. Ended up at her house. The heavens lit up as I saw her!! I seduced and married her in the next 6 months, in May '75.

Those days I was very aggressive and not the best kind of a person. Deeply in Love with my wife and very very jealous of anybody whom she met of talked to. I loved her more and more to the point of adoration. In 1996 I caught her sleeping with my very close friend. I kept silent as I loved her too much to see her unhappy. My thought was "How would I feel if I was separated from my love"! But not able to bear her sleeping with him (presently not getting into details), I loved her, adored her but could not have sex with her. I would want to be close to her all the time but never could make myself to have sex with her. I abstained having sex with her from 2003 till she died. But my love for her grew and is Adoration to date. WITH A STRONG BITTERNESS TOO. HER BETRAYAL!!

I thought you may not get this without the above.

The only EXPERIENCE:

One night soon after her death, I got up from my sleep and turned around to see some thing pale grey harrowing up near my bed. I sleep sound and very few things frighten me. I am a smoker. My first thought was did I leave a cigarette burning? I looked for the ash tray and found no such signs. I turned and saw the smoke like thing still up there. Turned my back to it and went off to sleep again. O yes I put the light on to check the ashtray. Turned the light off and went to sleep.

Later I realized that it could have been her.

I've cried bitterly for her always, till last evening. For a few months after she left me I've had a love and hate relationship with her. I am over her infidelity and am looking for her with all my heart and soul. I've a girl and boy from her. They both mean so much to me now as they are from her. I so much want to get in touch with her spiritually, could you help?

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No comment

I behave, without realizing it, just the way she tried all her life to make me.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   I strongly feel the change in me.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  No

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No comment

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           None

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     No

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   No

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        No

How long did the experience last?        Maybe 20 to 25 seconds.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  None

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Because I've had a bitter feeling about her infidelity, I've never even ever dreamt of her. So I believe she came for last look at me.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Maybe they were messengers come to take me.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Not till very much later. Now I do feel what I fool I was not to have spoken of revered the presence.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      I hate my past self.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have?         I am drawn to her. But am very bitter with myself for having been so stupid then.      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I've become very sensitive. Pious. Looking for meaning of life.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I want to meet and regain my love.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Went off to sleep not caring.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

I feel such a different person. So many of the people I know say too.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           Uncertain

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Only with one friend.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       I am longing for another chance.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I am looking for your help for a reunion. Spiritually of any other way.