In July of 1966, I watched helplessly as my brother, Roy, drowned.  He was 15, and I was 16.  I was the one who had to tell my mother and my family was never the same.  I dreamt nearly every night of that day at the lake.  I looked for him everywhere I went.  I couldn't bear to even look at a mud puddle, let alone a body of water. In 1968, I fell and fractured my skull.  After that it seemed as though the nightmares of Roy's death intensified. 

One night about an hour after I went to bed.  I hear a loud knock on my front door.  This all seems as though it happened yesterday.  Every detail is still vividly in my mind.  I got out of bed, put on my robe, as I thought perhaps it was my neighbor and something surely must be wrong.  I went to the door and opened it.  I didn't see anyone at first.  I then opened the screen door, and there about 10 or so feet away stood my brother Roy.  He had on the clothes he was buried in.  There was nothing as seen on television or a movie as a bright light, fog, any "ghostly" appearance.........just him standing there just inside the realm of my porch light and in perfect view and form.   We talked to each other. Not verbally, but with OUR MINDS.  The following is the conversation we had verbatim. 

Me:  "Roy, this can't be you.  You are dead."

Roy:  "Yes, it's me."

Me:  "Come in!!"  (I was elated, not scared nor did I question that he REALLY was there.)

Roy:  "I can't stay."

Me:  "I'm so happy to see you, come in!"

Roy:  "I can't stay, I just came to tell you to not worry about me.  I am happy and okay." 

Then, he just disappeared!  Gone!  As I stated, no lights, no sounds, no fading out of his image, nothing!  I felt this overwhelming feeling of happiness.  Happier than I had ever felt in my life.  I know the "conversation" was short, but it seemed he only said what he needed to tell me.  It's been 36 yrs. now, and I have NEVER dreamt of him again.  I do, of course, however; think of him still quite often during the day.  I feel no sadness, and I know he is safe and happy.   

I told no one for years, for fear they would think I was insane or making up a good story.  After about ten yrs., I finally told my mother.  My mother cried, and shook her head, "yes" and smiled as if she knew.  She never shared anything with me about my brother.  I only told her because for so many years, no one was allowed to even mention his name around her.  She couldn't bear it.  She died in 2001. 

I know now there IS something after this life.  I'm not sure what.  I have only shared this story with a very few people since.  If I ever doubted God, or a hereafter, I don't anymore.   

There is something that will ALWAYS puzzle me though.  I always wondered WHY he never gave me a message for my mother or father.  He never really told me he loved me, nor did I tell him.  I FELT the love between us, it didn't have to be said.   

I wish to share a story with you that is indirectly, to me, related to my brother.  I was married at 17, had my first child at 21.  My first son, Shane was born in 1971.  I didn't plan on having any more children. 

One day, in 1977, I was on my way to my floor covering store; when I felt this warm glow from head to toe.  I stopped walking and just stood on the sidewalk.  I heard someone say:  "You are pregnant Lana."  I will NEVER forget that moment.  I had not even missed a menstrual cycle, so this really seemed so strange to me.  (Strange, but somehow, and no, I don't know how, I KNEW I was indeed pregnant.) I told my husband.  Of course he didn't believe me, but two months after that day, my pregnancy was confirmed by my doctor.  My second son, Dustan was born. 

When Dustan was 3 yrs. old, and on the anniversary of my brother's death, he (Dustan) sneaked through a cornfield and was gone!  My neighbor had a large pond.  My older son, Shane, saw our dog, standing at the deep end of the pond. (this pond was about 1/8 mile away)  I started running barefoot on the gravel road screaming, Oh God, oh God please don't take my baby.  God, God please I can't go through this again......by the time I got there, with my feet cut and bleeding, I still couldn't see Dustan.  The sun was shining and reflecting off the water as so I couldn't see him standing at the SHALLOW end.  In the meantime, my husband had driven to the pond and I collapsed. 

After the pond incident, my son, who did and still does look exactly like my deceased brother, started talking about things he couldn't possibly know!  Just a three year-old's babble, like:  "I'm going to tell my OTHER mommy on you."  and....."I'm going back to my blue house."  (The house my brothers and I grew up in was blue.) 

When Dustan was five, as I drove him to school, just out of nowhere he said:  "Mommy, know what?"  I was still driving and answered him:  "What honey?"  That's when he said:  "Mommy you know when you drown, it's a very bad way to die!"  My son has numerous characteristics of my brother.  My son is in Iraq now, and I can't help but worry myself to death about him.   

Thank you so much for your website.  I have enjoyed immensely hearing others' stories of something that I believe only happens to a select few.  I don't understand it all, and perhaps I am not suppose to.  These stories and information from your site, has endorsed the fact, that with these experiences, I am not alone after all.

Gratefully yours,

Lana

Was this experience difficult to express in words? 

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:  

Already related this.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? 

We communicated with our minds.  I could however; HEAR him, and it was HIS voice.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?          

It was his voice exactly.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          

No, not possible.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?  

no, I was 20, and in perfect health.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           

No

Did you see the deceased?        

Yes  Roy looked exactly as he did when he was alive, and was dressed in the clothes he was buried in.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Very solid.  No transparencies, nothing.  Full body form.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Entire person.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He appeared to be the same age.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He appeared as a healthy 15 yr. old.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           It is absolutely not possible.  I lived in the country, NO house close, no other lights than my front porch light.  No close trees, bushes, nothing.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?     

No

How long did the experience last?       

5-10 minutes.  We both just stood there for a while, before the mind communication began.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

I opened the door, he was just standing there approximately 10 ft. away.  When our "conversation" was over.........he was just gone! (I didn't see him walk away, he didn't say goodbye, no "floating up" or anything else.  Just gone.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          

Yes

calm, serene, I could just tell he was okay, although he didn't say exactly where he had come from, only that he was okay and happy.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? 

Yes, he told me he didn't want me to worry about him anymore.....he was okay and happy.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         

I believe with all my heart and soul my experience was real.  Reason:  NOTHING like a dream!  Nothing "movie like.", no distortion, communication was VERY clear and exact.  I feel my brother told me only what I needed to know and did not elaborate.  When he said:  "I can't stay.", it didn't even matter to me until the next morning.  I NEVER doubted that he was not there.  It's rather difficult to explain to someone that has not had a similar experience.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

My initial feeling was one of disbelief.  Then the  moment I felt it wasn't happening, I KNEW it WAS happening.  Almost as quickly as I doubted, I believed it.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

Yes

Absolutely!  Regarding my brother:  no more crying, no more nightmares, no guilt, no fear of death.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

The best part of my experience was that it happened at all.  The worst part was that I couldn't keep my brother with me.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     An assurance of God, or higher power.  I know from my experience that when you die, it is not over.  Possibly not for all, but certainly for some.  I don't really know about EVERYONE.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?           

Yes     After my experience, I KNOW there is a God, or power much higher than any human can attain.  I have no fear of death.  I know I shall meet my deceased loved ones again, and if I don't I know they are in a better place than on this earth.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         

Uncertain I can't think of anything to verify the meeting with my deceased brother; however, the voice that told me I was pregnant I did not recognize for sure.  I surely verified what the voice told me by giving birth to a second son.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           

Happiness, worry free, guilt free that I couldn't save him at the lake that day.

As I look back, I have yet to this day, felt so wonderful.  I can only relate that feeling with seeing each of my sons for the first time.

Did you become aware of future events?      

No  

Not from my brother.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Husband:  did not believe me at all

Mother:  10 yrs. after........totally believed me

Best friend:  absolutely believed.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?        

No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?              

Yes

The portion of my above story regarding a voice telling me I was pregnant, and then my second child being so much like my brother, and that same child knowing things that were impossible for him to know.  (He wasn't told of my brother's death at the time...........and even if he overheard it someplace, he was too young to comprehend what death meant)

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.   

no