Liz's ADCs
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Experience description:

I was sat at home at the kitchen table after work drinking coffee, doing the crossword, waiting for my husband to arrive home from work - all very usual for a Wednesday. For a minute or so, my breathing changed - not breathlessness exactly, although my breathing seemed abnormally fast given that I wasn't doing anything particularly physical - the only way I can describe it is that I felt as if I had to consciously breath for myself for that minute or so. I've not experienced anything like it before or since and even at the time didn't feel there was a physical problem. I said aloud when it happened 'What was that?'. I had a shower, dried my hair, dressed and then got the 'phone call (about twenty minutes to half an hour or so after the odd breathing) to say that my husband had had a heart attack, to get to the hospital and to expect the worse but that paramedics had said that they would 'continue to work on him in the ambulance'. He was dead on arrival at the hospital and I believe, from what I was told by his colleagues who were present when he collapsed that he died no more than five minutes after he collapsed and was dead by the time the ambulance arrived.

Background Information:

Length of time between death of deceased and your experience:         

At time of death

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience: 

At home, sitting down, drinking coffee, doing crossword, after work, waiting for husband to return from work

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes     8 eight

Was this experience difficult to express in words? 

Yes

because I couldn't - and can't - liken it to any other physical experience I had had, so therefore it was hard to communicate to anyone else!

How long did the experience last?       

About one minute or so

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

I became aware that my breathing was odd - not sure when it started - and then it became normal fairly rapidly, but not suddenly - the odd breathing died away.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         

Because it was! It was so co-incidental with the probable moment of my husband's death and I've not experienced anything like it at any other time. Were I to experience it again it would fill me with dread, because I can only associate it with a death. I was so struck by it, that I told my sister of it as soon as she arrived to meet me at the hospital where the ambulance had taken my husband's body - I wanted the event recorded with someone else, because I was astonished by it.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

Confusion, questioning, wondering, 'what's going on?'.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

Yes

I felt immensely privileged to have felt Tony's death - it felt like an affirmation, confirmation of our mutual closeness. It confirmed for me that I was the first person in his life - and that he'd somehow let me know he was leaving.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

Best: knowing that we were in touch even at his death, even though I wasn't there (a great regret); knowing that I shared the experience with him in some way.

Worst: I don't know that there is a 'worst' except that it happened because he'd died.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?        

Yes

            Describe:     

I'm less skeptical!

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

That it is possible to experience in some way the death or trauma of another, even when you have no knowledge or expectation of that death or trauma.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?           

Yes

I realized that there is something immeasurable in close human relationships that we have thus far been unable to 'scientifically' show - something to do with the phenomenon of love, that people who have a deep love for each other actually are, in some way, as one - intertwined in an emotional way that has physiological/Para physical effect. I fairly recently attended a wedding where the symbolism of two flames becoming one was used to describe matrimonial union. I would liken my experience of Tony's death as the moment the flame separated into two once more - that's how it felt - something left me, or something informed me physically that he had left.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           

I hadn't thought of this before, but a kind of extra energy - a sort of slight elation? I was singing in the shower! I went into shock when I had the 'phone call - although I was told on the 'phone 'to expect the worse', I think I knew he was already dead.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  

Uncertain

I had a sense of being 'inside' or within myself and, for some reason I associate the experience with the color red - a light visceral red - I haven't noticed this before this questionnaire, so I'm not sure if I've unconsciously added it to my recollection!

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    

Yes

Tony's!

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes

I'm fairly careful whom I tell. My sister has remembered. Those who know me well as 'down to earth' and a skeptic seem unable to offer an explanation - say nothing. A bereavement counselor came out tops when she said that the experience didn't surprise her at all, that she heard such stories all the time and it informed her of how close Tony and I were!

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?              

Yes

It helped me to focus on aspects I'd not noticed before (eg: color red).

SECOND EXPERIENCE:

I awoke in the early hours of the day after my husband's funeral to the sensation of someone gently stroking the tip of my wedding ring finger, which was outside the covers. The sensation woke me up and continued a few seconds after I was fully awake. Unfortunately, I acted with surprise and pulled my hand away - I wish I hadn't.

Background Information:

Length of time between death of deceased and your experience:         

eight days

Was the date of the experience significant in any way?     Night of funeral

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience: 

In bed, sleeping then woken up.

Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience:    

Severe sadness and/or grief feelings

Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience:         Asleep

After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience:      

Mixed

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes     8 eight

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           

Yes

Along my ring finger (third finger, left hand) gently, as if stroking.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?  

Familiar to Tony's touch, as if touched by a smooth, dry finger.

            Was anything communicated by the touch? 

Love - something to do with marriage (Wedding ring finger); I thought maybe he wanted his wedding ring back, but a few days later, I had an urge to remove my wedding ring which I hung on the same chain that I'd been wearing Tony's since died - that felt very good!

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? 

I don't think so - I wondered if it was a pulse twitching in my finger-tip, but it didn't feel right for that.

How long did the experience last?       

About thirty seconds or so.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

It woke me - it stopped suddenly because I pulled my hand away.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          

Uncertain

Something caring, wistful?

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         

Because it woke me up.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

It felt normal to start with and then I was shocked (?) and pulled my hand away.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

Yes

I feel he'd visited me, to reassure me, didn't want to leave.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

Best: contact and being cared for - that he'd made that effort to be with me.  Worst: surprise!

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

Less skeptical

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Uncertain

I'm not sure if that particular experience in isolation did, but when I put it together with all the other things, then cumulatively, it did.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Regret - thought that it was Tony and wondered how to recreate the experience - but also a little afraid.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

strong vivid dreams describing our struggle to part, or to be together somehow.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes

 Careful whom I tell. Bereavement counselor says she hears such stories all the time and that he wonders if those who've died have difficulty letting go. Those who know me as a skeptic go quiet, say nothing much!

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes