My daughter died suddenly and completely unexpectedly at the age of 42. She was a lovely, spirited, loving person and many people who knew her, commented that her name, Joy, was exactly what she was. She had worked in hospice for the last several years. She left a husband and 3 children, 2 of which are small boys ages 3 and 5, and a daughter still in college. They live in Massachusetts. 

 Needless to say, all of her family has been broken hearted and devastated. I returned home about a month after her funeral and was dealing with the horrible aftermath of disbelief, anger and every other thing that accompanies the loss of a child. Grief is extremely hard work and I can't imagine that I will ever be able to accept her loss into my reality. 

 Three and a half months after her death, I went to bed one evening at 6:45. I wasn't sleepy yet, but very tired. I settled myself down to watch TV and read. The program that came on was the Joy Behar show, and she was talking to her guest, Martin Sheen. I remembered that my daughter and I had often enjoyed his performances. I continued to listen and suddenly a feeling that is so hard to describe began to wash over me. It felt like intense love, like an all encompassing embrace. There seemed to be communication with out words, a knowing that Joy was present and was saying "guess what, momma". This experience lasted for almost an hour that seemed to pass rapidly. Then the intense feeling dissipated, leaving me astounded and wondrous. I was sure that if anyone had walked into the room at the time, they would have seen me glowing. 

Later I went to sleep and had a very lucid dream that Joy rang my doorbell, and when I opened the door, instead of the other homes in the neighborhood, there was a whiteness and people that I did not recognize standing in where my front yard would have been. I could see my daughter in a distance, her body language seeming to indicate that she was so full of happy energy, and needed to be someplace else very soon. I was fully aware that she was no longer alive and was afraid that she would not hear me calling to her. Then she turned and saw me and suddenly was back on my front porch hugging me. I could feel her in my arms. We were exclaiming that we had not seen each other for 3 years. It seemed that though I could see her full profile from a distance, when she came close, her face was an opaque white oval. The dream ended while we were embracing. I've had no more dreams of her since, though they would be very welcome 

 Somehow, these experiences eased the ragged edges of my grief a little, and launched me on an unexpected exploration that led me to IANDS and beyond. I have not belonged to a formal religion, as they always made me sad and sometimes angry. I never expected to experience ADC's, but at the same time I can't help but believe that my experience was very real.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?            Yes

as I have read since, the ineffability of the feelings

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?           

Uncertain

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Uncertain

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I seemed to be aware without hearing the words, that she wanted to let me know that there is a heaven, after all, and communicating intense love.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  a sense of knowing

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

In the dream I felt a physical contact

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  love and delight

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  no

Did you see the deceased?         No comment

only in the dream

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            in whiteness

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        The feeling of presence lasted for about 55 minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         the beginning was more sudden and gradually dissipated

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Joyous

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  The thought has occurred to me that I might have only 3 years to go, since in the dream we said that we hadn't seen each other for 3 years. I even figured out the time that I would have left before I see her again.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I've never had any where near such an indescribable experience before. I was not on any medication, was fully awake. I was very sad and hurting but not crying, for a change. I don't do drugs, except for Lipitor. And the experience felt so real, that I said "Joy is this you" while at the same time, I was certain that she was there

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Temporary cessation of grief. Elation

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

A perceptible continuing lessening of the rawness of grief

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      It was all positive

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:            Only in the sense that my desire for knowledge has become insatiable

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     My attitude of doubt has changed

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I do believe in believe in an afterlife now

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Amazement, comfort, solace

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

The time passed very rapidly

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     At first the experience was so precious  that I wanted to keep it close to my heart . But then I felt bound to tell 2 of the family members most affected by the death . They were accepting and expressed hope that she would come to them.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       no

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes