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Maria M's ADC

Experience description:  

I went to sleep around 7:00 pm last night for some reason, and I had this vision I was in this house with two stories and it was all white. When I walked up the stairs I realize that this was Andy's house. The first floor didn't look like his home, but the second story had all the bedrooms in it and it hit me then and there. I stopped at the beginning of the hallway and all of the doors were open (to his parents room, his sisters room etc) but his door was closed. I feel my heart drop inside my chest but I still go towards the door. I was scared a little, but more anxious. I opened up the door and it was Andy's room and everything was correct except there was no closet. I walked in the room and closed the door behind me, and suddenly I wasn't scared anymore. I noticed all of his clothes hanging up and pictures of him hanging on the wall. I knew he was there, I would feel him and I could taste him and smell him I just couldn't see him but I knew he was in the room with me. I touched his clothes and I could see what he saw, that night he committed suicide. I saw him grab the gun from inside the closet (that was no longer there now in this dream) and face the wall behind the TV, and put the barrel underneath his chin and squint his eyes and when he pulls is, I let go of the clothes because I knew the outcome.

I noticed the bloodstains on the wall with the little splatters inside them. In my dream I started to cry, and cry, and I felt this hand on the bottom of my hair on my back, and I turned around and it was him- and he was so beautiful to me but so sad at the same time. He never said anything, he just stares at me into my eyes and never looks away. I started to ask him questions like where he has been and if he misses me as much as I miss him and then he smiles, and disappears. I can still feel, smell and taste him in the air but he has made himself not visible, so I still continue to go through his room. I remember it so well, and I open up this dresser and there's all these pictures of me in there. The pictures look like someone has been following me and taking pictures of my everyday actions, and they have dates that go from 2011 all the way to 2014. Why did he have these? How did he obtain these? I ask myself. Then for some reason I start to try and bring all of his stuff with me, his clothes his drawing his pictures but they won't leave the room with me. Someone's voice who I didn't recognize was yelling at me from downstairs to leave the room, but I didn't want too at all. I wanted to stay in that room with Andy forever. I was sitting cross legged now and then all the sudden Andy is in front of me, cross legged as well and I can see him again. And he just stares, and in my mind I say "I love you" and then he smiles, as if he knew what I was saying inside my head and shook his head up and down in agreement, held out his hand with his palm facing up towards me and before I could hold his hand- I woke up. After I woke up I was so sad, and I didn't stop sobbing for a good hour and a half and then I had to fix myself and get ready for school.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?     Yes   He never speaks, he just looks at me. And the feelings are so real, I don't know how to describe them. When I have those experiences, it's not like we are on Earth- it's like he takes me somewhere else.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   No                                   

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   Yes  

Describe where and how you were touched:     I was touched on the back, between my shoulder blades where my hair falls and it is a gentle, cold touch.

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Both, I knew it was Andy but at the same time it didn't feel like Andy, no life in the fingertips but it still warmed me, even when he hands were cold.  

Was anything communicated by the touch?   Well when I touched his clothes in the dream I could see the night he committed suicide like a movie in my brain, and he's always reaching his hand out for me to touch it but every time I'm just about too, he disappears or I wake up.

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   Maybe,

Did you see the deceased?   Uncertain    He looked the exact same. His plaid shit buttoned up except for the bottom button and the top two buttons, sleeves rolled with his green lantern bracelet I got him and his checkered bracelet. His four leaf clover necklace with his long golden light brown hair and bellbottom boot cut jeans, in his converse shoes. His eyes were green as always, but looked like they developed some grey in them.

How clearly did the deceased appear?   Either solid or I can only see him in my brain mentally.

How much of the deceased did you see?    Whole body, from feet to fingertips to his head.

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   Yeah, he looked just the same, just tired and more sad.

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?    He looks sick or a little under the whether except for one dream he came to me in. We were in this meadow and like usually he never says anything but we were walking in this beautiful meadow and he was absolutely gorgeous and beautiful then and there, other than that time he usually looks sad, or a little under the weather, tired, fatigue, etc.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?    maybe

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?    Yes

What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?    I smelt his cologne he used to wear, as well as his clothes. I could just smell him you know? everyone has a scent and I just knew it was him.

Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?    Nope, just like my Andy. The smell of frost, snow, cold makes me think of him.

Was anything communicated by the smell?    Just déjà' vu. Brought me back, made me feel like it was 2010 again and he was my lover and my best friend.

Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?    Maybe

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?   Uncertain     Before I walked in the room, it was a bad energy but after I think I walked in, the mood lightened up a little and so did his mood. He was still sad, I could tell but he was happy to see me. It's sort of like...I came to visit him in his own sanctuary and he wasn't expecting me.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?   He had all these pictures of me, and my favorite things like my red leather jacket and my wolfie stuffed animal and certain bracelets and stuff. I think he's telling me he's there because it was like he took those pictures of me, and the red leather I have was hanging up in his room above my wolfie and I never got that red jacket until after he died.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?    Experience was definitely real    The feeling was too real for it to be false. You can't create stuff like that, yeah I've dreamt of Andy in a sense of recollecting old memories but I know he was there, and I was there too. I was awake in my dream, knowing that I was dreaming! It was real.

Was the experience dream like in any way?    Yes    Well yeah cause I was asleep but other than that no it felt completely real I even told myself in my dream that I was dreaming and this was real.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?    No   

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The best part was feeling his touch and seeing his smile, the worst part was touching his clothes and then seeing through his eyes the night of the suicide, and when I woke up cause of the feelings I had.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?    Yes    It just makes me more confused and longing to figure and find out more. Doesn't fill the whole just makes it bigger actually cause he never speaks. He can read my mind but I cant read his so it's a little difficult.   

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?    No   

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?    Uncertain    I wasn't on Earth, but it didn't answer any of my questions that I have.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   Yes my mother has had a similar experience and with the red jacket and the pictures. If there was no after life he couldn't have had my jacket in his room, or pictures of me that I have never even seen after he passed.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?    Yes    Of the experiences, my mother was in the kitchen talking on the phone about Andy, and when she turned around she could see him? In her mind she could see him standing there, and she described his outfit exactly of what he wore and he was facing her, had blood on the left side of his temple and head running down, and he stuck out his arm to her and his palm was open, facing up but he did not say anything. She said that he was freaking her out, and then she said he disappeared into my room.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?       Yes    It was a thing for almost 12 hours but when I woke up it felt like 5 minutes.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?        No   

Did you become aware of future events?           Uncertain    I couldn't figure out what he was trying to tell me, so I am uncertain of what will come.         

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    Uncertain    I didn't feel like where we were was on Earth, another dimension or worldly plane

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?    No   

Did you see a light?    No   

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?   Yes    I've seen him once in the Meadow when he came too me, and then my mother saw him in the kitchen not sleeping. I have only had an experience with Andy that I could call accurate and 100% truthful with facts when I have been in a deep sleep.

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    My mother only cause she has experienced something as well, and oh she knows it's the real thing. She thinks Andy is lost and holds on to me because he is stuck between here and "there".

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?    No   

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?    Please help me figure out what is going on.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    No   

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   No              

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes