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Martha D's ADC

Experience description:  

2011.03.30 - 3 days after Frank passed away (he passed away at home in his bedroom.  His son, Dan and I performed CPR and AR on him, but were not successful.) I went into the bedroom with the intention of passing into the bathroom to clean the bathtub. Once inside the room, I felt odd. I felt as if someone was in the room with me.  I even looked back over my shoulder. I discounted it as nerves....Frank had died in this room on the 27th, and I was obviously still very upset.  I was there with him, giving him mouth to mouth...and I felt his last breath and the gurgle.  I watched him die, I felt him die...and I was still shaken with the experience, and with the loss of a very good man, father and grandfather. I walked towards the bathroom door and FELT a ripple in the room.  Very hard to explain...like a type of air pressure? As if the room was crowded?  Sorry, I really don't know how else to explain it.  And for some reason that I still don't understand... because I felt quite silly afterwards, I blurted out "Frank? Is that you?" Of course there was no audible answer, but the feeling that overcame me was instantaneous...it was a strange calmness...like a reassuring hand on my shoulder that told me "of course, I am here... and everything is fine." I left the room without cleaning the bathtub...and didn't say anything to anyone. 

2011.03.31 - while tidying the family room, my cell phone, which was plugged in a receptacle in the kitchen began beeping. It was an odd beep, and when I walked over the phone it stopped. I checked the plug, ensured the phone was charging and walked back into the family room.  The phone started to beep again, more urgently than the first time.  I walked back into the kitchen and by the time I got to the counter it had stopped. Bonnie (Frank's widow) came into the kitchen at this time and asked me what the beeping was. I said my cell phone was acting strange while charging. As we stood there talking the phone started to beep and light up, but there was no call or message. It was as if the power was fluctuating. I unplugged the phone in frustration, and turned it off.  I didn't think anything more of it until later. 

2011.04.03 - I was preparing Sunday dinner and thinking of Frank. He loved Sunday dinners, and he loved it when I would bring him a "preview" of a certain dish to taste.  He loved salmon, shrimp and lamb and this night I was making a whole salmon on the BBQ.  Living with someone for so long, you become accustomed to having them around, and of course they are a big part of the family dynamic.  To cope, I kept telling myself that Papa was upstairs sleeping or watching TV.  In a way, I was starting to feel that perhaps Frank's spirit might be in the house...maybe trying to help us deal with his loss.  As I was chopping veggies, suddenly the power went out...but only in the kitchen. Never happened before.  In 17 years the power breaker never blew...it seemed strange since I wasn't even using the stove, the fish was on the BBQ outside. I went down to the fuse panel and sure enough one of the breakers had gone. I reset it and went back upstairs.  I continued working in the kitchen, alone, while the kids watched TV and Nana (Bonnie) was napping in the parlor.  The power went out again... and I went down and reset the breaker again. This time on the way back to the kitchen, I checked with the kids to see if anyone had anything plugged in; but nothing out of the ordinary was going on electronically.  When I got back to the kitchen I had an impulsive idea that Frank was somehow trying to tell me something so I decided to speak out loud...I just said "Okay Frank. Okay."  The panel didn't flip again. 

2011.04.09 - The following Sunday, on the way back from the family cottage (Frank and Bonnie's summer residence), a strange set of circumstances unfolded. The first occurrence did not involve me, but it did involve Bonnie. She was sitting in the restaurant that she and Frank always stopped at on their travels to and from the cottage. She sat in the exact seat Frank always sat in.  Part way through the meal as we were talking about maybe buying Bonne a dog for company sometime in the future, Bonnie jumped up in her seat and started to wave her hands.  She was looking down at her lap.  She jumped up away from the table and we were convinced that she had seen a bug or spider.  She was shaken, and then told us that she smelled something strange and then looked down and saw a puff of smoke or mist that was coming up from the ground into her face.  We didn't see anything or smell anything but Bonnie was convinced something was either on fire under the table or there was a foul smelling fog coming from there.  We checked under the table, and the restaurant waiter helped us but there was nothing there. Bonnie was very shaken, and insisted something strange had happened in her seat and that she "breathed in" some sort of mist.  We finished up and got in the car to head home.  In Tory Hill, Ron (my brother in law) stopped in a remote area near a park, because he was tired and wanted to switch drivers.  When he got out of a car, a movement caught his eye. There was a very small dog eating garbage out of an upturned trash can.  He approached the dog and scooped it up.  It was covered in burrs and tatts, its ribs were protruding and it smelled awful.  He walked back to the car and handed the dog to Bonnie without a word. It cuddled up to her, and she covered it up with her sweater. We spent the rest of the ride home in virtual silence as we all tried to suppress the universal feeling that Frank had somehow "sent this dog"...the strangest part of this "acquisition" was when we got home.  We have a 4 year old female Great Pyrenees and a 3 year old male ginger tabby.  When we came in the door with our little rescue, both the Great Pyr and the cat greeted her as if she was a long lost friend.  From the moment she came into the house, this little stray was welcomed as part of the family...this only 13 days after Frank passed away.  The bond between Bonnie and "Josie" is unbelievable...Bonnie is convinced somehow that Frank sent her this little Yorkshire terrier mix to take care of. 

Lastly the other dates, 2010.04.10, 2011.16 and last night 2011.04.19 (which prompted me to write) were dreams. The first dream: We sleep in the lower level of our home.  There is a ground level window covered by lace curtain.  I was sleeping, but at the same time dreaming that I was sleeping, and that I had opened my eyes and saw shadowy movement outside the window.  I was a bit scared at first, then I "felt" a female voice say "He wants in.  You need to go let him in."...so I jumped out of bed and raced up the stairs and opened the first door (which was our mud room door leading to the dog run.)...there was no one there, so I closed that door and ran to the back kitchen sliding door. By the time I got there I started to "wake up" and realized I had been dreaming and obviously sleep walking. I never sleep walk.  I couldn't figure out if I was dreaming about seeing legs moving outside the window, so I checked the front door as well, since I was now fully awake.  There was no one around and I went back to bed, told my husband that I had a bad dream and eventually back to sleep.  The next dream (2011.04.16) was almost identical, the only difference was that I ran straight up to the front door after the voice told me "he wants to come in. Go let him in." I struggled with the lock on the front door and realized I was now awake....I walked to the side window, right above where the lower window was and peered out. There was a light mist outside and soft rain was falling. My heart was pounding because I was really starting to scare myself.  I could see nothing outside except for foggy mist and assured myself there was no one outside... besides we have a giant Guardian dog, (the Pyr) who is the bed guard dog on the planet. No one would be able to wander around the property without her alerting us. I went back to bed and my husband asked me what was wrong...again, I said I had a bad dream. He shook his head and told me I need more that 4 hours of sleep.  Last  night (2011.04.19) was a very real feeling dream that prompted me to get on line and look for some one to talk to.  Last night I dreamed that I awoke and immediately looked up to the window expecting to see shadowy movement, instead I saw a soft glow of light... at the same time I felt the room get crowded and I felt a type of panic - not sure if what was happening was real or dream: my husband was sleeping next to me, but I felt that I was being held still....kind of like being pinned. The voice was soft but loud, and she said "Relax. He is here, he is right here."  I struggled and sat up a bit, but felt very heavy...I couldn't see anything other than the faint glow by the window; and I felt I could move so I forced myself to reach and turn on the light.  My husband woke up abruptly and asked me what the hell I was doing because I was sitting on the side of the bed saying "He's here. He's here!"  and as the words left my mouth I realize there was no one there but us.  I feel like I am going insane.  Dan thinks I am suffering some kind of emotional hardship from having Frank die in my arms.  I don't know what to think, but my FEELINGS are making me wonder if somehow Frank is trying to communicate with me.

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience:  2011.03.30 - in the bedroom of the deceased, on way to master bathroom

2011.03.31 - in the family room alone, tidying up

2011.04.03 - in the kitchen preparing Sunday dinner

2011.04.09 - in Tory Hill, near family cottage

2011.04.10 - in bedroom (dream)

2011.04.16 - in bedroom (dream - similar)

2011.04.19 - in bedroom (dream - similar and more intense)

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Uncertain

Some of the occurrences were "incidents" (i.e. electronic issues, blown breakers,) but the "moment in the bedroom" and the dream experiences are harder to explain as words don't seem to express the "feelings" and "intensity".

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard a voice in my dream. It was female, it almost sounded like my own voice (I know that sounds ridiculous). In the first dream she said "he wants in. You need to go let him in." The second dream she said "he wants to come in. Go let him in." and in last night's dream she said "Relax. He is here, he is right here."

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  It is interesting how you are dissecting the origin of the voice.  Earlier I suggested that the voice sounded like me....as if I were talking to myself.  Perhaps it could have come from inside me...maybe I was hallucinating?  Or talking to myself?  I may very well be losing my mind.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           It was a female voice, like my own, so not like Frank's at all: The only similarity was that it was calm and low...like the way Frank always spoke...he never raised his voice, was always soft spoken.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           I don't think so. ..our house is pretty quiet between 2am and 3am

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   I do not believe so.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Uncertain

I felt like I was being "held" in last night's dream.  And the very first night in Frank's bedroom I felt as if someone had laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, but nothing definite.  I can not be certain I have experienced a physical touch...I would have to say I really don't know.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   This is very interesting. The first "shoulder" could have been familiar.  Frank would often go to bed early at night (he was battling his illnesses for a while) and Bonnie and I often played scrabble every night.  He would walk over and kiss Bonnie good night while we were seating in the dining room playing.  He would then place his hand on my shoulder and say goodnight.  I didn't think of it until just now.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  The first night it was: comfort.  The dream last night I am not sure.  I could interpret it as a type of containment...to keep me from panic perhaps?  To make sure I didn't wake up Dan? I really don't know.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  It is possible that Dan was touching me....I don't believe he was...it is possible he was trying to hold or comfort me, but I believe he woke up AFTER I turned the light on.

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        The first night in his room - it was only seconds. Maybe 20-30 seconds.  The dream thing may have been longer 30-60 seconds.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         It was gradual...probably because my emotions were escalating.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Uncertain

I was pretty focused on my own feelings of fear and uncertainty.  In the dreams I was quite unable to distinguish if I was awake or asleep for a portion of the experience.  In the bedroom the first time, I did get a sense of calmness, and a feeling of reassurance.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  I don't believe any information was passed to me...other than a sense that perhaps Frank does want to tell me something.....and I am just not getting it!

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was probably not real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I am a logical woman.  I like facts to back up experiences. I cannot explain the dreams. I feel that since Frank died, unusual things are happening.  I am having a hard time believing in ghosts or spirits, but now I am beginning to wonder if I should be opening my mind to the possibility.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Yes

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Increasing confusion...escalating apprehension...disbelief....

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Uncertain

I became more curious, and confused...because I want facts to tell me that indeed Frank either is or is not around in spirit form trying to communicate. A small part of me was comforted, but I couldn't share with my family without worrying that I was giving them (especially Bonnie ) some sort of false hope...would she wonder why Frank wasn't trying to reach her?  I don't know.  It is so frustrating.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best: entertaining the possibility that Frank may be trying to be in contact...which means there IS something after death....the Worst: Not knowing....not understanding....and not being able to "get" or "receive" Frank's message      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Uncertain      Instead of denying, I am starting to "consider" the possibilities.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?     No

Not yet, but I wonder now if I will.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Almost embarrassed that I was believing in my experience.  I know that sounds strange. But then the more I thought about it and tried to re-live it, I began to think that perhaps Frank could be trying to reach out to me.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you see a light?           Yes

A glowing faint light outside my bedroom window in the dream last night.  I also believe it was there as I woke up. I cannot be sure however.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         No       Typing this to a stranger seems safer than anything else. I am not sure I should be sharing this with anyone.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Perhaps just to ask if others go through such things? and is it more emotional than paranormal? Is there some help that I can get; assuming Frank is trying to make contact; to allow me to receive his message?

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Uncertain 

Only one unexplainable event...which could be considered a "spiritual event" My youngest son was only 6 months old and....long story short...my husband was working nights (police officer) and I was alone with the kids in early February...I didn't know it at the time but the furnace had malfunctioned and the house was filling with carbon monoxide.  My baby at the time was fussy so I was dancing in the dark around 1am in the living room with him in a baby sling.  I was getting very, very tired and finally stumbled down the hall to the bedroom and laid my son down on my bed and I laid down next to him. When I started to close my eyes a voice (female) said softly "if you go to sleep you will never wake up. The house is toxic."  It scared me so much that I jumped up and turned on the lights to see where the voice came from.  I got scared and went in to check the kids...they were sleeping...I picked up my baby and stumbled down the hallway and grabbed my phone to call my next door neighbor.  I was confused and a bit incoherent, and told her something was really wrong....I met her at the door and handed her the baby as I passed out.  She called 911 immediately and the firefighters arrived first....their carbon monoxide detectors they carry with them were blaring, and the fire fighters grabbed all the kids, and the pets and brought us all outside.  Our lives were spared that night...because of a "voice".  My husband told me later that it was my subconscious....I am not so sure.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

I believe I was able to express as much as I could. Thank you. 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I am not sure...I believe it was fairly comprehensive