Bob commit suicide on new years day 2012. Very unexpected and I've had a hard time accepting it and making any sense of it. He was a close friend and I never saw him depressed. It was a huge shock and I cried on an off for weeks. I am finally at a point where I can look at pictures and talk about him and try to remember and be grateful for all the time we had together. I say my prayers every night which are mostly for family, etc but for many nights I would talk "to him" and ask him to give me some sign that he is ok. Most nights for the first few weeks I would cry myself to sleep. The night I asked him to help me get thru the incredible sadness, the next morning I woke with an unusual sense of peace, woke up not crying, and my daughter called me to the window to see "the most beautiful sunrise she has ever seen." that day I did have a strange sense of peace and the sky had unusual colors and formations all day and was also unseasonably warm for mid January.

Then over the next few weeks I started to cry less and smile more thinking of him, all while wishing I could have just had one last chance to have seen him before he died. Every morning when I drop off my daughter at school, she is 11 and knew Bob, her routine is always to tell me "say hi to everyone at your work for me" Well since Bob died, when she says that, I always look to the sky as I'm walking away and smile and say "hi Bob" because we also worked together. I still do that everyday. Last night was very typical, when I laid down in bed, I said my prayers and closed my eyes to go to sleep. I remember being with a current co-worker (this co-worker is the other one that I'm closest to and Bob was the other). He took me to a house I didn't recognize and when I walked in, Bob was there! I ran up to him and he hugged me real tight. I remember telling him " I miss you so much" and he said "I miss you too" and we just stayed hugging for what seemed like minutes and we just kept telling each other we miss each other and that's when his hug gave me what I would describe as a feeling of relief like I felt chills or a sensation like that thru my body. It almost felt like thru the hug, I was getting rid of the tension inside of me. That's the last I remember of the dream, it just seemed like we never stopped hugging. When I woke up it seemed SO real! I have had dreams many times with relatives who have died but they were more like things from the past. The thing that really made this feel so real is that it was in "the present".

There wasn't a time when he was alive where we would have been apart long enough to miss each other so intensely. And Bob was a typical guy who wouldn't have expressed it so intensely either. But since he died is when I am missing him terribly. So I don't know if it was just wishful thinking that he would come to me thru a dream to "comfort" me and let me know he misses me too. I feel like I have been "talking to him" so often that maybe he really did come to somehow comfort me. But because that sounds so crazy, I don't talk to anyone about it. Another reason it feels so real is because of the time I asked him to "help me" get thru the pain of his loss and that morning I woke up feeling the unusual peacefulness and also the beautiful sunrise that my daughter pointed out along with many other people thru the day commenting on it. I really feel like he did comfort me and let me know that he misses me too. I have never had this intense of a real-feeling dream OR the feeling of the wave of comfort that overcame me in the dream.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

Yes because it was unlike any other dream I've had. It felt very real and yet I couldn't talk to people about it because they would probably think I'm crazy.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?          No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard his actual voice in my dream telling me he misses me too.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  The dream seemed very real at the time. It was as if we were really together in a room, hugging and talking.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           His voice sounded exactly like his voice was when he was alive.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

In my dream I felt him hugging me. It was a nice tight hug. He was 6'3" and I'm 5'8" so his hug was very overpowering and comforting. I also felt a wave of comfort similar to chills going thru my body releasing stress during the hug.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   We have hugged in the past but only quick hugs for birthdays, holidays, etc. so the hug itself felt familiar as far as him being taller and how we fit together, but this hug was much tighter with more emotions.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Comfort and a sense of peace.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He looked just like he did when I last saw him in December.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Very clear. The dream seemed completely real.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I saw all of him. He walked up and hugged me.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He appeared the same age.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Very healthy.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Uncertain

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           I can't remember if I smelled his cologne or not.

How long did the experience last?        The dream seemed to last for minutes but I don't remember it actually ending. It's as if I just fell back into sleep.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Don't remember a instinct starting and ending.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

He was expressing that he misses me too.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No, other than him missing me.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           It felt very real and I've never experienced anything that felt this real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

It felt very real but it must have been in a dream.        

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I was so incredibly happy to be hugged by him and had rushes of emotions telling him how much I miss him.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Uncertain

I think so because I felt very comforted. It felt like he let me know it was ok to miss him and he misses me too.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was feeling he comfort his hug gave me and there wasn't a worst part because I don't remember it ending and every part that I remember was great.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I have kept the sense of peace as if it was a gift from bob.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Uncertain      I felt like maybe there is communication with someone who died.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Uncertain     

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?     No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Mixed emotions. I felt comforted and yet confused because it felt so real.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes

Another co-worker.

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         No      

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       I would like to know if what I described has happened to others.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes