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Mary R's ADC

Experience description:  

The first experience at Maynooth, Ireland, in June 2004, was of an intense comforting nature. I got the sense I was being prepared for something that would be difficult to handle. It was tactile and vibrant - I felt a soft, warm yet also cool sensation on my arms and back, like I was being cocooned. There was an intense light and a buzzing sound in the room. It lasted for ages - gradually died away and I was left light but bewildered. In November, my Dad was unusually melancholy, intense and talkative on the phone, the last time we ever spoke. A week later I got a phone call from my brother he had died suddenly of a heart attack. We went to England the next day. Though terribly distraught, I felt his presence in the flat. That night, I was nearly sick with grief, crying on the bed, when suddenly a calmness descended in the room. I saw a bluish watery bubble form over my head and felt a comforting communication. Not in language but in thought. I was distressed he had been alone and scared. I sensed - 'it was fine, it was easy love, don't worry about me'. I also sensed a sadness and a goodbye, that we would be parted for a long time. Then the bubble began to shrink and seemed to be 'sucked away' into the corner of the room. It did help me get through the funeral and the first few weeks of grief.

Mary R, a registered, practicing, mental health nurse with a PhD in anthropology and mental health. My Father died very suddenly of a massive coronary two years ago. He was in England with my Mother at the time and I spoke with him on the phone about a week before he died. We spoke for an inordinately long period of time and I sensed some sort of melancholy in his voice, which unnerved me somewhat, though I didn't mention it to anyone. He also said, when we were saying goodbye, "I'm really glad to get talking with you today" and I wondered why he had said that, but put it out of my mind. A couple of months prior to that I had occasion to visit the University for the purposes of my postgraduate research. My accommodation for the two days and nights I was there to meet with a particular lecturer, and to use the library, was in the old seminary building, used for the trainee priests' accommodation, though nowadays very few of the rooms were in use, hence its viability as accommodation for visiting scholars for the wider university. On the second night I had a very uncanny experience.

I had read a magazine article about angels and the author had stated that if you ask your angel to visit you, they would. Being skeptical, but curious, I tried it. The sensations that came over me for about the next half hour were like nothing I have ever experienced before or since. The room changed - a lot of light seemed to fill the room. I had tactile sensations like something soft was surrounding me - as if I was being wrapped in a very soft blanket. Something vibrant that was both warm and cool at the same time, laid itself upon my bare arms - it felt like an embrace. There was a message communicated also, but not in language, rather, thought-like. I 'knew' that whatever it was, was there to comfort me, as if I was going to have to face something terrible in the near future and they were trying to 'strengthen' me. Emotionally, I felt an intense concern being exuded, a sort of 'comfort blanket' being wrapped around me, but at the same time I felt 'electrified'. There seemed also to be a sort of light 'buzz' in the room. Gradually it subsided and I sat dumbfounded on the bed for some time - I don't know how long.    

Five months later my Father died. The first thing that came into my mind when I got the phone call from my brother was that night at the University. I 'knew' then that was why it had happened, to 'prepare' me. I use inverted commas because of a concurrent sort of skepticism that I may have made these links myself as some sort of defense mechanism. After traveling to England the next day with my brother to be with our Mother and arrange for Dad's body to be brought home, we stayed in their little flat that night. His body was in the hospital mortuary since a post-mortem had to be performed. I lay on the bed in a darkened room, distraught with grief and sadness, having cried non-stop the whole evening. Just when I felt I would physically burst with the pain in my chest - the 'heartache'- a sudden calm descended. Again, the room changed but this time I saw a bluish, watery-like 'bubble' in the middle of the room - it felt like energy but again it seemed to communicate, but thought-wise. In my mind, I couldn't get rid of the image of my Dad having this heart attack and being afraid and alone, thinking he would never see us again. But when the 'apparition' came, I 'heard' the thought, 'It was easy love, don't worry about me'. I also 'sensed' a 'goodbye' that was imbued with a sadness and a longing, I 'knew' we wouldn't see each other again for a very long time. The 'bubble' grew smaller and seemed to be 'sucked away' into the upper right hand corner of the room. The funeral was awful, especially the burial. However, about a week after, I 'saw' a little boy in my kitchen, looking in from the garden, but when I ran into the kitchen to encounter him, he had 'run away'. Around that time, I also dreamed of a newly born baby and 'knew' that was my Dad 'entering another life'. I am not saying I 'believe' all this, but I did 'sense' it, from whatever source - maybe it was my brain producing a story that would help me cope. But the physical sensations seemed very real.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain            The first experience at Maynooth, Ireland, in June 2004, was of an intense comforting nature. I got the sense I was being prepared for something that would be difficult to handle. It was tactile and vibrant - I felt a soft, warm yet also cool sensation on my arms and back, like I was being cocooned. There was an intense light and a buzzing sound in the room. It lasted for ages - gradually died away and I was left light but bewildered. In November, my Dad was unusually melancholy, intense and talkative on the phone, the last time we ever spoke. A week later I got a phone call from my brother he had died suddenly of a heart attack. We went to England the next day. Though terribly distraught, I felt his presence in the flat. That night, I was nearly sick with grief, crying on the bed, when suddenly a calmness descended in the room. I saw a bluish watery bubble form over my head and felt a comforting communication. Not in language but in thought. I was distressed he had been alone and scared. I sensed - 'it was fine, it was easy love, don't worry about me'. I also sensed a sadness and a goodbye, that we would be parted for a long time. Then the bubble began to shrink and seemed to be 'sucked away' into the corner of the room. It did help me get through the funeral and the first few weeks of grief.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    In June, for the whole time. In November, for the time that the 'bubble' was in the room.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            colors and sounds were vivid and intense. Time seemed to stand still. Even silence had a 'buzz' to it.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     silence seemed 'loud' i.e. buzzing. Colors were vibrant and moving. The 'object' I saw in November was real but 'watery' and 'bluish'. It seemed like a shimmering bubble.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     silence was audible, like a buzzing.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            A mixture of calm and excitement, Afterwards I felt bewildered but still calmer than normal.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No       Not on this occasion, but in subsequent experiences, yes.

Did you see a light?           Yes     In June, the room became intensely light filled. In November, with my Dad, there was a 'twinkly' light, but it was bluish and associated with the 'watery bubble'.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      In June, I felt that the presence was either an angel or my grandmother who looked after me a lot and died when I was 13.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No       In November, when my Dad visited me, it helped me through the funeral. It also helps me to cry at times when I think about it, I need to sometimes and I feel better afterwards.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     In June, time seemed to stand still, when I was visited by the angel or my grandmother. It was the middle of the night and I think it might have gone on for some time.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No            Except that I 'knew' he was 'somewhere' and was happy, not suffering, and that his death had not been the terrible trauma I had imagined it.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Uncertain      I have had several 'dreams' that involved going up a spiraling tube of light and feeling very 'free' within the universe. During one specific event a couple of months after my Father's death, I experienced that whilst still awake, lying on the sitting room couch. It was comforting and calming, not frightening.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Briefly with a friend. She believed me and was supportive. She told me she had seen her mother several; times after her death.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes            books and articles, various readings.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    Both elements of the experience (as I 'know' that the two events, in June and November, are linked) were some of the most 'real' experiences I have ever had. There was a physicality and emotional tone that I will never forget. The first one was a preparation by someone or some power to help me face what was going to happen. The second was most definitely my Dad saying goodbye and trying, within the confines of his situation, to give me something to hang on to. I see life in a different perspective now, even though a very small part of me rationalizes that this was all produced by the brain as a defense mechanism.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            The communication and the calmness during the 'bubble' experience helped me cope with the funeral etc.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            Both elements of the experience (as I 'know' that the two events, in June and November, are linked) were some of the most 'real' experiences I have ever had. There was a physicality and emotional tone that I will never forget. The first one was a preparation by someone or some power to help me face what was going to happen. The second was most definitely my Dad saying goodbye and trying, within the confines of his situation, to give me something to hang on to. I see life in a different perspective now, even though a very small part of me rationalizes that this was all produced by the brain as a defense mechanism.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I think I have a broader perspective on life, I prioritize relationships and time with people more. A lot of trivial things have fallen away and I value time with my husband and children more, as if everyday is precious.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes            I am convinced in a higher dimension to reality, and am following kabalistic, mystical, Jungian and numerous other practices, which I see as all related to the one higher plane, all trying to stay connected to it. Yet I still have an academic, skeptical side that envelopes me in despair sometimes. I wonder if religion is just an evolutionary mechanism sometimes. However, a good 99% of me senses a wider dimension and it colors my life. I still miss my Dad and wish he was still alive, but knowing we're all part of something bigger and outside of time helps me cope.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No                 

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes