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Michelle M's ADC

Experience description:  

I was sound asleep.  Then I had what I thought was a dream.  I dreamed Kamisha was with me, waking me up.  She told me she had been in a horrific accident and needed help.  She told me she was in horrible pain and all alone.  She begged me for help and kept talking about the horrible pain she was in.  I saw her face and form, behind her was darkness, in the darkness I saw crushed metal and the grey form of another human, standing ... apart from it all.  She was crying and asking for help. I could physically feel what she was feeling and it was unendurable.

Then she became calm, smiled, hugged me and told me it was all ok, and she said she loved me.

I woke up, sitting up in bed.  It was so real.. so real.  I was frightened that something had happened to her.  I thought about calling her Mother, (who was like a sister to me, also, we were both divorced from Kamisha's father)  We became close friends because we both loved Kamisha.  I thought about calling her but it was almost 3am, and decided to call her in the morning.  I was very afraid something awful had happened to Kamisha.

I called Kamisha's Mom at 9:30am.  She told me Kamisha had been hit by a Drunk Driver on her way home from Babysitting.  The drunk driver had died at the scene and Kamisha was brain dead.  Kamisha had tried to avoid the approaching car, she drove off the road and into the ditch, the drunk driver was just following the lights approaching him and so he followed her into the ditch and hit her head on.  They were off the road, in a deep ditch and no one saw the cars until daylight.  She said Kamisha left for home in Miami, Ok after babysitting in Quapaw about 2:30 ish.

My experience was... complete horror.  At first, I had a groggy awareness in my dream, that Kamisha was trying to wake me up.  I woke up in my dream, Kamisha was afraid and very, very hurt.  I remember sitting up to begin helping her but she continued telling me how much she hurt, it was horrific pain.  I felt the pain she felt, it was horrific.  I felt.. protective, I wanted to do something to help her.  Then she said it was all ok, and that she loved me, I could see the calm and love in her eyes and face. 

I woke up and thought it could have been a dream, though, I'd had other 'strange' experiences similar to this that were sometimes true.  I didn't want to believe that this had happened to Kamisha.  I knew her Mom was asleep and was afraid to call her.  She worked two jobs.  I didn't want it to be true and so I decided to call her in the morning when I knew Melva, her mom would be awake, just to check in.  I didn't know Kamisha was babysitting so late at night, I wanted to convince myself that it was just a dream.

I wish now that I'd called.  All these years I've felt awful...Who knows how many hours Kamisha stayed in that crushed car in the ditch.  Even today, I feel the horror of what she felt, and the horror that I did not call her Mother.  (They lived in another state or I would have gotten in my car to search for her the moment I woke sitting up in the bed.) 

I told Kamisha's Mom, later, that I dreamed that Kamisha came to me that night in a dream, but I've never told her about the dream.  It's the sort of thing no Mother wants to know. 

I also feel awe, my beautiful Kamisha asked me to help.  Awe that this happened.  Since that time, I've had a NDE, and with it came an understanding and peace, about this experience with Kamisha. 

Even remembering it today, so many years after this happened.. makes me cry.  It's the aspect of the horror and the fear she experienced, all alone.  Kamisha is unlike anyone I've ever known in my life.  She was a perfect soul.  I loved her like I loved my own children, as if she were mine.  She knew she was loved.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?       Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:            Kamisha woke me up from a deep sleep.  It was as if she was in the room.  She told me she was in horrific, horrible pain.  I felt the pain she felt.  It was awful, awful.  It felt like it was all real.  I could touch her, ask her questions.  She only said she was in horrific pain, she couldn't stand the pain, all over, and that she was afraid.  She didn't tell me what caused it, only that it was horrible.. she was alone and afraid.  Then she told me it was all ok and that she loved me.  I could feel the relief and also her love.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?            I heard her words as if she was in the room.  I felt her touch as if she were standing by my bed shaking, touching me.  It was all as real .. as.. I am.. real as I am typing these words.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           It was Kamisha.  Her voice, her touch, her personality.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          No, no possibility at all.  Everyone in my home was sound asleep!

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No impairment what so ever.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           Yes

I was touched on my shoulder, my arm, my hand and my face.

           
Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?  It was Kamisha's gentle familiar touch.  Kamisha had a way about her.  Always gentle, always sensitive to the situation.  She stayed with me/us, a lot, I knew her touch.  Each person has personality in their touch... some are gentle, some are rough, some are oblivious to reactions of their touch, and some are sensitive.. aware of the situation and aware and caring, loving of how their touch feels to others.  I could go on... but everyone has their way when touching others.  I'd been around Kamisha enough to know her way.  Her touch is as familiar as my first born's touch.

            Was anything communicated by the touch? Love and urgency, fear.  Then just love.

           
Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          None at all, especially since I saw her.

Did you see the deceased?        Yes

I saw her face, arms, body.. form.  She looked just like she always did.  I also saw a background of crushed metal with a smoky filmy looking form off to the left.

           
How clearly did the deceased appear?           She seemed very solid, then slowly, as she communicated with me she became more and more transparent until she was gone and I found myself sitting up in bed.

           
How much of the deceased did you see?       I saw her beautiful face and the upper part of her body.  It's funny, I didn't realize until I read this question that I didn't see all of her.  Only the upper part of her body, face arms, hair, hands.

           
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?      She was the exact age...17.

           
How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           She looked as healthy and beautiful as always, though for most of the communication she looked very distressed.

           
Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          None what so ever.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No

How long did the experience last?       It felt like only a couple of minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        The beginning was sudden, urgent.. and the end came gradually, she faded into the blackness of night.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? She told me she was in horrific pain.  I learned at the hospital that she'd been crushed and that many of her bones were broken and crushed, almost all of her organs had been damaged, her skull was.. broken.  They said she may have been conscious for a few minutes but it was very likely that her brain was so damaged that she couldn't have lived long.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         I've had 'those kinds' of dreams off and on throughout my life.. those kinds meaning... they have a 'special' a 'different' feel than normal dreams.  I have had 'those kinds' of dreams that didn't come true.  These kinds of dreams are not always about something awful.  I've never had any kind of dream like this one, even when they were of loved ones who have passed. 

In my 30's I was trying to understand the nature of 'those kinds' of dreams, I wanted to understand them.  When I had the 'dream' of Kamisha and what she told me, her physical pain... it was all horrifically true.  I did not want it to be true, but it was.  And then Kamisha.. it was Kamisha.  I don't know if it was her physically in my bedroom or if we were both in the same kind of dimensional place, but without doubt, I know it was Kamisha.  I hate that she felt any pain.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes

I was deeply asleep.  Then suddenly I became aware that I was being touched and it was Kamisha.  I sat up.  After she was gone, I was still sitting up and I was wide awake.  Was it a dream or was it real??  I believe, without doubt that it was real.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          I felt afraid for Kamisha, I wanted to protect her, I was overwhelmed by the pain she felt and shared with me.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Yes

Her whole demeanor changed, loving, gentle, calm... 'Everything is Ok".  This helped me to focus on her Mother, Melva, and her brothers, and my own children.  I'm not sure why, but I did feel like Kamisha was ok.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     My Kamisha came to me..  what she was saying was real.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?    Yes Yes, that she had been in terrible, awful, horrific pain before she died.  That there was one other who died upon impact.. he was the drunk driver. I thought the gray form was a person and understood when her Mom told me he died there.  Kamisha said she was alone and afraid... the accident happened outside town, down deep in a ditch where no one could see until after sunrise.  Kamisha was brain dead from her crushed skull and body. I felt Kamisha died while she sat in the darkness before 3am.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           I was frightened, one of the few times in my life that I felt real fear.  I didn't want it to be true.  I felt like her sudden change from overwhelming, horrific pain to.. calm and loving meant that she had died.  I didn't want any of this to be true and felt even more afraid.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?   No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     No Response

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?           Yes

I did not know the drunk driver, man.  Though I believe the gray, filmy looking human form was another human being.. who was completely aware of what had happened and extremely concerned that Kamisha was in such pain.  He didn't say anything, I just felt it.   He was watching Kamisha talk to me.  I didn't know it was a man or even a drunk man until I called Melva later that morning.

Did you see a light?          No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          Uncertain

After Kamisha left, I wasn't sure if it was a dream or real.  I didn't want it to be real.  I was in denial... I've thought since then that it could have been in another vibrational space, I've read that in the deepest sleep our brains are vibrating much differently than when we are awake... I definitely wasn't in Beta or Alpha when I had the experience with Kamisha's passing...

but could have been in the brain vibrational state of theta or delta.  Since my experience with Kamisha's passing I have tried to learn as much as I can about this and have found that practicing intentionally changing my brain vibrations while staying completely lucid... interesting things can happen.  So.. I believe it was a real experience.. was I dreaming or did it happen in a different dimensional state?  I wasn't dreaming.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Yes, I shared a part of this experience, what Kamisha said at the end.. that everything was ok and that she loved me, with Kamisha's Mother.  She only smiled.  I shared this with other members of my family, they had no response.  This kind of thing frightens people.  I think death, the unknown .. threatens people's mortality.. and makes them feel frightened of their own behavior.  I think most people would rather believe in fairy tales than believe or even think that these kinds of things are real.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?      I may never understand these kinds of things, it may always remain a mystery.  What I do know is that these kinds of things happen.  With me, it happens with people I love.  Every person in my life that I've loved and who has passed.. has communicated with me after they died, sometimes before they died.  Throughout all of these experiences is a common thread...this thread which is woven, entwined in all of our lives, is love.  So far, in my life... it seems that love really is the most important thing of all.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes 

I've had many Dreams of all kinds since I discovered the difference between normal dreams and those different kinds of dreams.  If it is about something I can watch out for and change or tell someone about and they can make the change needed, I do it.  Also, I've been a TM meditator for about 30 years or so and I've practiced the Silva method for about the same length of time...  I've experimented with the different brain wave states that both these techniques can produce and have had some remarkable experiences.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      Yes 

A NDE in 1991, and out of body experiences many times in my life.  The OBE's were always interesting but the most remarkable thing I learned from OBE's is that when one is in horrific pain and no pain reliever on earth can help... leaving the body behind becomes the only and the best way to find relief. 

I had nerve root damage, it's the worst kind of pain humans know- (so I've read and I've been told). I discovered that leaving my body also relieved the pain.  This was a shock to me because I've never read that leaving your body, (astral projection) could be used to relieve pain.  It really was an amazing and wonderful thing to learn. These techniques.. TM, Silva and astral projection .. are why I did not die of stroke or heart attack when I was in the worst of the nerve root damage pain.   I may sound crazy, but I've had a lot of very strange experiences in my 63 years of life and mostly, I've enjoyed this incredible experience of life.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes