Anyway, she hadn't responded to my Happy New Year IM and a few follow-up attempts electronically and by phone, so fearing the worst, I googled her name. The only thing that came up was a blog post that mentioned her name as an oblique reference. Next to her name was '(RIP).' So that's all I knew for a couple days in the initial tailspin of grief. I looked up her son (with whom I had never communicated, but who knew well of me and my relationship with his mother) on Facebook and got the details. He apologized for the way I found out, but I at least felt a little better knowing more about how and why she passed so suddenly.
About 10 days ago, I experienced what seem to be very strong contacts from her. I mostly lean skeptic, but these were just super-strong, and I have a witness for the strongest one. In fact, he suggested it was a communication; I wasn't even thinking that way. Check it out. We were returning from a concert and I pulled over for gas. My friend was inside as I was filling the tank. When he came out, he stopped in his tracks, pointed at my car, and said, 'did you fold your side windows in?' (I have a BMW that has foldable side-view mirrors, for tight squeezes. I had seen the feature demoed by the dealer, but they hadn't been folded in the 5000 miles I've driven the car.) I was shocked, 'of course not; I've been driving and have been using the mirrors the whole time.'
Now it's true that I had accompanied him into the convenience store before returning outside to then move the car over from being parked in front of the store to the pump area. Its possible someone vandalized/pranked me while we both were inside (he initially suggested it was BMW resentment or something ” its a nice-looking car), but there was no damage, no sign of violence ” just that they had been folded. And it was a quiet, peaceful scene in general. Its additionally unlikely because I would have seen it when getting in the car to drive over to the pumps. So, whatever happened, happened while I was pumping gas in a lovely silent moment. But how? These things are not electronic. They can only move by exerting quite a bit of force of them. They're not designed to be easily budged ” only to fold if you hit the side of a garage or other vehicle or something. So it happened quickly and it happened silently. My friend (the observant, analytical one) was freaked at the oddness, while I (the spacey distracted one) was only mildly concerned about potential scratch marks ¦ But everything was fine. I said to him that if it was vandalism, it was certainly of the kind and gentle variety. We talked as I reset the mirrors. They clicked solidly back into place with an audible 'thunk,' and we slid back into the car, still theorizing as to what might have occurred. I was beginning to futz around with some stuff in front, before pulling back onto the road, and he said, 'you just fixed the mirror, right? Well, look.' And he points to his window, against which the mirror had once again been folded. I turned to my window. Same thing. It couldn't have been more than 20 seconds that we had been in the car, and those mirrors had been silently folded back in? Truly defies any conception of matter, space, and time. I said something like, 'maybe there was magnetism out there' in the modern, hi-tech, covered pumping area. He said, 'dude, there's nothing in that mirror assembly (mostly plastic, a little metal and glass) that could be magnetized so strongly. Admittedly, you'd think it would have happened before, if that were the case. So, he said, 'maybe it was your friend?' Earlier that evening, I had shared my story with him. Somehow that made total sense, and made me feel a lot better about everything.
So, I returned home and settled in with a snack and some late-night TV with my daughter. A few minutes after she went to bed, the TV volume jumped. At first I thought it was a weird spike in level from the broadcaster or from Comcast. A split-second later, the volume indicator on the TV comes on and it just steadily increases. I grabbed the remote and could not stop it from maxing out. I couldn't shut it off with the remote, either. The TV is now blasting and waking up the house. I run to the set and it wont shut off there at first. I yank the wrong AC cable, before finally being able to shut it off via the front panel. A minute later, I turned it on again “ it came on full blast and was not responsive to depressing the 'down' volume switch. I shut it off. My wife came down a few minutes later, picked up the remote, turned it on, turned it down, and its back to normal. She looked at me like I was insane. Never had a problem with this TV or remotes before. Totally freaky. This time I was kind of shaken.
The next day, I decided to take my work lunch by myself. When I got to the restaurant and parked, deep in thought about her (as I've been constantly this week when not interacting with others or absolutely having to work), I turned off the car and sat there. I found myself needing to speak to her (I had already sent her some IMs on our 6-year ongoing FB IM thread, just saying things I needed to say, wish I said when she was alive, etc.). I thanked her for contacting me and I needed to tell her about a music recording session I had just rescheduled, asking her to visit me there, if being around here is not problematic or painful for her in any way. Not wanting to be desperate, but just kind of an FYI: like an implied 'hey, if you're not doing anything next Wednesday and its not too inconvenient to hang out in my plane of existence¦' sort of thing. (lol) Anyway, as I'm talking, the car makes a loud noise. Like an electrical turn on or turn off followed by a humming noise (remember, the car was off). Now, this last one might be explainable otherwise; I haven't had this car all that long, but I've never noticed any sort of auto-turn on/fan sort of activity when sitting parked with ignition off. For all I know, an experienced BMW owner could totally debunk this one. I will, however, say that I felt her presence as soon as that noise hit. Maybe just because, for the first time, I was ready for the idea that this could be a communication and as such, my brain filled in the emotional reaction. But I swear I felt warmth, love. Maybe I was generating it myself for her, thinking she was there. I don't know, but it was powerful. When the noise subsided, I opened the door and got out. The wind was suddenly up and the sun had disappeared a little. Definitely a sudden change. Whatever, I was just really feeling tuned in to my surroundings.
A couple of nights later, I decided to take a walk in a secluded area and talk to her. Those first two incidents caught me completely by surprise, and the lunchtime encounter was too public and too time-constrained. So I was walking and talking out loud to her for about an hour. Early in the conversation I told her no pressure, but feel free to give me a sign. Nothing happens at first, but later in the walk I was reminiscing about college days and referenced the psychedelic experimentation we had done together. BAM, a street light comes on immediately. LOL. She had a sense of humor. But that could have been a coincidence, right? So I kept walking, then circled back to that light (this is in a big church's parking lot, late night, after all employees had left). Now it goes off. I circle back and it comes on again. Rinse/repeat. This is a street light, not a motion-sensing light ” and the light is sputtering to turn on. Eventually I walk away and the light stays off (as it was initially) ” this is one of many lights in a row that are on. I walk there almost every night and never noticed any problems with this particular light. Still, could be coincidence. So I walk away to the far side of the large lot and look back. The light comes on. I turn a corner, light still in view, and say, 'K, thank you.' No sooner does that ending vowel come out of my mouth, then the big, bright street lamp next to me, just gets 100% brighter, making a sizzling noise. This was too much. I exclaimed something and walked up to the path that takes me back to the street for my walk home. I look back at the lot, taking in the beautiful night and feeling these strong emotions wash over me. A few moments later, BAM! ” all the street lights in the complex turn off.
Those last two incidents could have been coincidental. They happened in response to my initiating contact. But in both cases, I felt her presence palpably, along with an overall feeling of being wrapped in energy. I believe they were contacts. But the first two things? They are unexplainable. I should note that I have felt her presence during a meditation, and I still talk to her a lot -- there are some questions as to the disposition of the important creative work she left behind. I'm not sure I believe in mediums, but I plan to meet a couple just in case they can help. Two weeks ago, I would never have entertained such an idea. However, these experiences have solidified my belief in an ADC from my father 7 years ago. (Which, until the mirror incident, was hands down the strangest experience of my life.)
Was this experience difficult to express in words?
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The mirror incidents set me up to understand exactly what was happening with the TV thing. Still shocked me, and shook me because I couldn't stop the TV from blasting. Emotions here were more of shock and surprise. A little sense of spookiness.
The incidences of engaging in 'dialog' with the spirit were highly energizing and emotional. I felt love, attraction, longing, etc. It was very personal.
Two other friends.