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Nancy B's ADC

Experience description:  

1) Daughter Sarah, age 29, was dying of breast cancer. She had just given birth 5 months earlier to her only child. The cancer was discovered while she was pregnant and advanced rapidly. At the time, she was in the hospital knowing she was dying as it was in her spine, liver, everywhere. She was in tremendous pain and had suffered so very much as she had gone without pain relief in order to give birth to her son and her body was completely worn out whereas a year before, she had been running marathons. 

Due to the pain, her beautiful, young face had become contorted into a constant, deep frown. She simply couldn't smile and could hardly speak. Her and I were alone. She had a morphine drip with a self activation button that she could use once every 6 minutes. It had a light on it and when the light was lit, it meant she could use it if she needed. She was holding the device and suddenly she had the most beautiful, childlike smile and her eyes were bright as she tilted her head, like she was listening or communicating to the device. She looked up and caught me puzzling at her expression and sudden ability to smile, and she held up the device and said clearly and with a genuine smile, "Grampa and Q...(her cousin) are in the light. They have been with me for days now and they remind me to push the button when the pain gets really bad. They're here to help me make it over".  

I burst into tears and she immediately felt sad, and apologized for telling me, saying she didn't wish to scare me. I assured her I wasn't crying because I was scared, we all knew she was dying very soon, but that I was so happy she had them there to help her as they were very much loved by her and everyone else. 

2) Two days later, Sarah Jane died. Her husband and I sat across from each other, each holding her hand, while dozens of other friends and family stood around the room. We had a radio playing behind her to her favorite music style--it was not a tape of songs but random radio. At the moment she left us, as her husband and I burst into sobs, a song came on the radio--we looked at each other and my mouth fell open. I said, "This is your song!" He said, "YES! and the exact version!" We both started laughing with joy while sobbing with grief--so much so that others in the room suggested turning it off and we both yelled, "NO!" 

The song that had come on was the song they had chosen to dance their first dance to at their wedding less than 3 years before. It was an old song, done by many artists. The version that came on was the same one they had chosen. The lyrics start: 

"I've been loving you too long to stop now" 

Her husband and I both knew for certain she was there with us at that moment, and that she was dancing.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No


Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Uncertain

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I can't answer these questions for my daughter--she said they were there, behind her shoulders mostly, but I don't know how she experienced them specifically.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

For #1--she seemed to sense their gentleness and helpfulness

For #2--yes, both her husband and I felt her sense of freedom and joy and sensed her dancing as she loved to dance.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           awestruck and so grateful

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      hard to say as it happened during the death of my beloved daughter.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            appreciative and both her husband and I felt at peace for the first 24 hours after her death

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes

For first one by daughter, I was only one along with her. For second event a room full of people

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     family. The mother of the cousin was thrilled as she was afraid he'd committed suicide and might not be in a good place. There is no consensus on whether his death was accidental or not, but this helped her and his sisters.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            For daughter's yes, she was on morphine drip yet the event she described was at her most lucid and physically capable moment at the time it occurred.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

one interesting followup. Sarah's son was only 5 months old when she died. Due to her illness after his birth, she wasn't able to be with him as much as a mother normally would so his contact was mostly with his dad and grandparents. However shortly after he started walking, he toddled into my study where I have a very large portrait poster at floor level of Sarah which was used at a fundraiser. It is almost as big as he was at 12 months. Her arms are outstretched in a big hug to the world as it was taken in her favorite outdoor location. He toddled in, saw the photo and dropped his toy, went over to the picture and stretched his own arms out, pressing himself up against the poster, turning his head to match her own as if in her embrace. He held this pose for a few moments then backed up and leaned in and kissed her. He had not demonstrated 'kissing' much if at all up to this point. He then picked up his toy and wandered back out. It was beautiful.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes