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Nancy F's ADC


 I first met him in 1971, when we were 17, and instantly felt that we had an extraordinary connection. We had a wild first night together, followed by an on-and-off friendship (or series of hookups) for several years, then lost touch for several years after that. Later in life we reconnected and had an intense, passionate relationship that lasted 4-5 years. I ended it because although I loved him dearly, he was extremely dysfunctional (drugs/alcohol abuse, chronic unemployment, delusions of persecution by hostile aliens....). 

I was in Mexico, in a bedroom in a private villa, sleeping. It was in the very early morning, before dawn; the sky was just starting to lighten slightly. 

My ex-boyfriend Joe (who I had not seen in 13 years) had died in a motorcycle crash in China about 3-4 days before this, but I had not heard the news of his death. See my previous submission for the details about my experience at the time of his death, which at that time was a mystery to me (I thought at the time it was either some sort of ESP communication, or I was just going crazy.) 

I woke up slowly--not sure whether I was actually asleep or awake when it happened, or if I woke up in the middle. I felt his presence in bed with me in a very intense physical way. There was also a visual element--it was dark in the room, but I could just barely make out the shape of his body, mostly the outline of his shoulder and the back or side of his head. Specifically, he was giving me oral sex. Although it had been years since I had been with him, it was unmistakably Joe. Then it was over and he wasn't there. It felt as though he had gotten up to go to the bathroom--his presence was still lingering. I almost called out his name before I realized that it was not possible that he was actually there in Mexico with me in the middle of the night.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Uncertain

Not indescribable, but very personal/intimate, i.e., "x-rated."

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

See above

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   very familiar

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  just love, affection, desire ... the usual stuff associated with sexual contact between lovers.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

See above. From what I could see he looked pretty much the way I had last seen him 13 years before, but his hair was freshly cut, shorter than it had been when I was with him.  (Later I saw more recent pictures of him, and his hair was in fact shorter.)

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            not transparent really, just a little vague, but it was dark in the room and I was half-asleep (or asleep maybe, not sure).

            How much of the deceased did you see?       part--see above

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       hard to tell--I didn't see his face.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            very healthy. No infirmities that I know of before he died.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Not sure--not long, probably less than a minute

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         gradual beginning, more sudden ending

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Uncertain

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I've had many dreams about Joe over the years, many of them erotic, but this felt much more real, and tactile, and compelling than any dream I've ever had. It was also very much Joe's style to do exactly what he did, not a scenario I would have invented. 

I've also dreamed about him more recently, since I knew that he had died, and those dreams were also not like this.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

Somewhat dreamlike in that I was asleep, at least at the beginning ...

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Uncertain

Don't know how to answer this. In some ways I think the news of his death was more devastating because of these experiences, but in other ways it's comforting to know that we did reconnect, just not in the physical world. I have no doubt that I will be with him at the time of my own death.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      When I found out he was dead, I was very happy that he had come to say goodbye, but having had the experience, I'm all the more grief-stricken that I'll never see him again in this life.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Uncertain             

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     It's clear now that we were true soulmates, and had probably known each other before this lifetime. (I suspected that when I first met him, but later put it down to an over-the-top teenage crush.) And that death is not the "end," but just a transition.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     When I found out he was dead and that these 2 experiences were visitations from the spirit world, it completely changed my viewpoint on life and death.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Mostly confusion (Huh? Joe?!?! What the **** just happened???), and even more compelled to contact Joe as soon as possible (see my previous submission).

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

No, except that I knew he was in China, so it made no sense that he would be with me in Mexico.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Uncertain

Not at that time.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

No, but it appears that I did have precognition of his death for months before, that I failed to recognize at the time.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

No, except the one other experience that I submitted. See my answer to this question in my previous submission.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

 Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    No suggestions, but BTW, this questionnaire was last revised on my birthday. I no longer think there is such a thing as a meaningless coincidence.