I do not know the exact time of the first of the three experiences/appearances.  It may have been later that night, but I do know that all three came when it was dark out and within a two day period.

I must explain about Jack.  He was a very quiet, very private man.  He was unlike me in race and religion.  Every Christmas he'd give us these boxes of really fancy mint candy.  Everyone got one--even those of us who didn't really work with him per se--others got bigger ones and maybe another gift, but we all got something from him, no one was overlooked, and that says a lot.  In fact, to this day when I go to the store I buy the same little box of those mint candies and think of him.  Perhaps superstitiously since this incident, I keep one under my mattress pad, flattened out.  They're dark green with a brighter green edging.

Jack died at the end of a February; that Christmas he made one last appearance at work.  He was very frail and it was obvious that this cancer was killing him--but he came and he had those boxes of candy for everyone.

My first experience was when I woke up and just looked toward the foot of the bed and there he was standing slightly to the left of the foot of the bed.  He wasn't solid, but he wasn't totally transparent.  I knew it was Jack even before he just said a few words I can't recall--they just were introductory.  He looked very much as he had before he couldn't come to work any more.  He even had on a very nice suit.  Jack was our best dressed person.  I instantly recognized him and it seemed in some ways so natural for him to be there that I wasn't startled.  Yet, if you knew Jack, this just wasn't something I'd ever have imagined him doing.

My second experience is the one I'll never forget.  He never said a word, but that was Jack and for this experience it was "right."  I woke up and looked  toward the foot of the bed and he was seated in a chair directly across from the foot of the bed.  I think I said a couple things but realized he wasn't going to talk, and that was OK.  I was tired, closed my eyes a couple times, would look, and he was there, just sitting so peacefully.  And in his hands, on his lap, he was holding one of those boxes of mint candies and all I can say is that it was the most "solid" of what I saw and that lighter/brighter green just glowed.  I think he did this because I knew I'd make the connection with him and that candy.  It was so wonderful and there he was with that glowing box of candy and this one lasted quite a while.

My third experience is perhaps the most intriguing of the three contacts, the one that leaves me with the questions.  I opened my eyes a third time, and this time he was standing over by a mini closet/dresser area.  I wanted this time to know "everything" and wanted to ask questions but very simply and quietly and not at all annoyed he said my name until I was paying attention.  Then he spoke to me and said something and he was gone.  As he left, I lost what he said to me.  I cannot recall it. 

But you know, as scared as I was, as scared as I still am knowing I now have maybe three years, if lucky, that this cancer is incurable for the most part unless you're an exceptionally lucky person, I've never been terrified or as upset as I thought I'd ever be.  Whatever he said, it's with me and I know he's with me.  I have not seen him since but I want to.  I think I will when it's time and he'll know that.



Was the experience difficult to express in words?

  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?

  I think the second visit/communication is hard to describe because it was so simple yet so beautiful, so like the person, and so unlike anything I'd ever imagine or could create.

Did you sense an awareness or presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them ?

  Yes
        
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?

  Yes
      Describe:

  As above, my name, something I can't recall but had the knowledge that it was his voice for sure.
      Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally, or outside of you, inside of you, or did you not hear a voice or sound but had a knowing of what was communicated?

  It was external the first time.  I'm not sure of the second time he spoke.  I know he said my name but I can't be sure of what he said because it was taken from me.

      If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar to the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?

  Oh it was Jack.

      How clearly did you hear the deceased?

  Very except when what he said was taken from me.

      Is there any possibility that what you heard was from any other source in the surroundings at the time of your experience?

  NO.  There was no one else and I was the end room, way down the hall from the nurses' station and the door was closed.

      Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?

  Not unless the medication dimmed it.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?

  No

Did you see the deceased?

  Yes

      Describe the appearance of the deceased:

  It was Jack--the suit, the appearance as I remembered him, etc.

      How clearly did the deceased appear?

  He wasn't solid as if I were with someone alive right now, but he wasn't really transparent--sort of in the middle.

      How much of the deceased did you see?

  Sitting, more than standing--but I saw all of him up to where the end of the bed would block say his legs, etc.  If a live person were standing there or sitting there, I'd have seen so much--and that's what I saw.

      Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?

  Yes--slightly before that, maybe just a few months before, when he wasn't quite so debilitated.

      How healthy did the deceased appear to be?

  He appeared as he did during part of his cancer and physical decline, but I got the impression that was more to help me recognize him as I'd most remember--he was fine.

      Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in your surroundings at the time of your experience?

  No.  No one else there and I could see out the window but that was traffic, etc.

Did you smell a distinct smell, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?

  No

How long did the experience last?

  I've outlined above--three times over a couple days.  The first two were very short--the middle one lasted longer but I can't estimate the time.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?

  The last seemed sudden when he left me--the others were gradual.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?

  Just calm and peaceful.
      Describe:

  Just calm and peaceful.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?

  As I said, I firmly believe he did tell me something that third time, but it was taken from me.  I don't think I'm supposed to know it (say, yes, I will be lucky and have long remission or no, this is already downhill to death in a short time) but he said it.  I know he did.  I don't think in the spiritual sense I was meant to recall it and that's OK.

Your beliefs currently regarding your fear of death: 

Moderately fearful



How do you currently view the reality of your experience:

  Experience was definitely real

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:

  Just very peaceful, curious, wanting to ask him questions about the afterlife, and I have to say, just I just took this as a very normal, natural thing.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?

  Uncertain
      Describe:

  I think so--I mean, I'm essentially all alone here and cancer has always scared me and there I am facing one of the worst cancers and I'm not terrified, panicked, etc.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?

  Yes
      Describe:

  It's real.  People do live after death and can communicate.  I wish I were better at it and could do this more and well but I guess I'm in the right place for me.

Have you ever made a death compact?  Yes
      Describe:  My father said when I was just a child he'd come back if he could.  It wasn't my father and I don't think he's done it--at least not to this extent.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No
      Describe:  I know dreams and sometimes I'll think I've been awake and then had a dream and then realized I was dreaming I was awake--this was very different.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?

  Uncertain

      Describe:

  Yes I believe I was told the outcome of this illness and it was taken from me.

Did you become aware of future events?

  Yes

      Describe:

  As above, I believe I was told the outcome of this illness and it was taken from me.  I can't be sure of the awareness as it was taken from me.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?

  I just think overall I'm becoming a nicer, better person but I have a long way to go.

Have you shared this experience with others?

  No

      Describe:

  NO MEDICAL PEOPLE because they don't like this or believe in it.  One knew Jack and was amazed.  One had a strange experience while her husband was very ill and in surgery for his heart and thinks she saw an angel so she's OK with it.  One was a pastoral person at the hospital who was interested in it.  But NO MEDICAL PEOPLE.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  No

What emotions/feelings did you experience following your experience?  Peace.  Assurance we don't just die period.  There truly is something after life.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?

  There was no "worst" part.  The "best" part was the whole thing but I think that time he just sat there with that candy--that was so special.

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?  I wish he'd come back and tell me what was taken from me.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:

  I just feel different.  It's more peaceful and I just feel different in a nicer way.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No
        
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

========================

One Year Later - The 4th Experience

Have you had multiple experiences?  Yes
      If yes, how many experiences?  This is a late "fourth" to three I reported earlier.  This is almost a year later.  It completes the first three I reported.

How many deceased or other beings were present in the experience? Well, two--because I realized I was being shown myself after life by this wonderful man.

Name of the deceased:  Jack

Do you have any comments about the relationship you had with the deceased:  as I stated in my first submission to you about the three in 3/01 I consider one, we really didn't have that close a relationship.

Cause of death of the deceased:  cancer

Age of deceased at time of death:  50's

Date of experience:  This latest experience was between March 7 and

April 11, 2002.  I know this only because I told a local woman researcher in a phone call on March 7 about my three I reported to you; between then and when I met her on April 11, I had the fourth

Length of time between death of deceased and your experience:  This time was about one year after the first three--Jack died in 1996; so about 5 years the first time, 6 years this time.

Was the date of the experience significant in any way?  Yes.  It was around the time of my first anniversary of my own cancer diagnosis and the first three appearances of Jack.  I was really wondering and worrying and it was an emotional time.

Today's date (Date you submitted this experience):  6/20/02


Experience description: 

      As I said, I had three ADC's from Jack in 3/01 after cancer diagnosis and while in hospital.  As the first anniversary approached, I was nervous as would be expected.  Also, Jack had left me "hanging" because in the final ADC in 01 he had told me something that was taken from me (please see my first report) but left me feeling peaceful.  Yet, as this time approached I was wondering what he said to me.  I had tried to get him to appear to me, with no luck.  I had given up, accepting I would have three only. 

On this night, what was very unusual is that I went to sleep as easily and well as I did.  Much of the time when I dream it isn't that clear or seems broken.  But suddenly I saw a place like I've never seen before.  What first impressed me was the grass--I mean, we're talking grass that was so perfect, so green, it makes a gold course look really shabby.  Then I saw some flowers but those I don't recall well--just pink and yellow.  Then I saw this beautiful little footbridge, as one would see in a portrait of an English Countryside.  I can't remember if there was a brook under it or not because the bridge caught my eye and held it.  If you read my first experiences again, you know the story of Jack and the mint candy. 

The bridge was the colors of that mint box.  I recall clear sky.  Then I saw Jack.  There is no mistaking him.  While before I'd seem him as I'd recall him from work, this time he still had on a three piece suit but he looked SO good!  Then I saw him hold out his hand and I saw a woman.  What struck me about her was that her hair was just right, she had a nice figure, she looked good, she was going gently to Jack, and her clothes--I loved them!  She had on a white blouse, long sleeved--not old fashioned, but nice.  She had on a long skirt in a patchwork design--not quilted, not fussy, not hippie style--just a very pretty long patchwork skirt.  She went toward Jack and together they started to go over the bridge.  I realized that this was the bridge into the next life and he was leading her over.  Then I realized I was the woman and I had no fear, just peace, and I was going.  Then I woke up.

Did you sense an awareness or presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them ?  No
        
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?  No
      Describe:  Wordless.  There didn't need to be any words.
      
      Is there any possibility that what you heard was from any other source in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  This was night, dark, inside my bedroom.  No lights or TV on.

      Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?  No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?  No

      Where and how were you touched?  I saw the arms/hands reaching out but I didn't feel anything.
      Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in your surroundings at the time of your experience?  I am alone in my house.

Did you see the deceased?  Yes

      Describe the appearance of the deceased:  As I said before, he looked SO good and he still had on that familiar 3 piece-suit of his!

      How clearly did the deceased appear?  This time, very solid.

      How much of the deceased did you see?  A...

      Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?  He seemed to be younger but then he aged and looked awful with his disease.  This was him at an "ideal" I would say.

      How healthy did the deceased appear to be?  He was healthy!

      Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in your surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?  No

How long did the experience last?  This was a short one--I don't think it was more than a minute or two at the most.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?  Both were sudden.  I was there--I saw the area--I experienced--I woke up.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?  Peaceful, calming, welcoming, helping.
      Describe:  Peaceful, calming, welcoming, helping.

Your beliefs currently regarding your fear of death: 

Very fearful

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:  Experience was definitely real

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I thought this was a lovely place and I was happy to see Jack.  Then when I realized he was showing me ME coming over, I was amazed and happy.

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have:      Joy
      Other Attitude or Belief
          I was shown this as the conclusion of the first three to answer my question--he will help me and it is beautiful over there.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?  Yes
      Describe:  I think no matter what my cancer does to me here I know over there I'll be lovely--but I think we all are.  I won't be ugly any more.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes
      Describe:  Just reinforces that there is afterlife and it's wonderful.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes
      Describe:  But it was more than a dream because this was SO vivid and again I am not artistic and all I can say is, this was again a work of art.  I just feel the difference--I know how I dream and this was more.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  I've described above.  The grass was PERFECT!  The little bridge was so cute and perfect.  This was just paradise--don't know how else to say it.  I've read NDE's where people say things are better and it's hard to describe in our words--well, that grass and that bridge and that whole scene were like that.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  Jack will bring me across very gently and it will be OK

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I don't know how to say this--but more and more I seem to feel less and less connected to things and this life--not that I want to leave because with my cancer this will be a bad way to go--but it's like part of me is trying to go to that other level I've seen.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  No

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  Well, I'm still afraid of the death process because with me it will be ugly.  But now I know that on the other side things are better!

What emotions/feelings did you experience following your experience?  Happiness--understanding--feeling of closure from the first three.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Best--seeing Jack, seeing myself, seeing paradise.  Worst--none

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?  I think this was the final part of what I call the first circle of experiences.  I thought the first three I told you about earlier were a closed circle--but I think this last one now enters that circle and completes it.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes
      Describe:  I went to the cemetery where Jack's ashes (can't believe he was cremated) are and found his burial place and it is very nice there and I buried a little note for him and I often feel closer to him when I'm there.